015 - Nitika Chopra: Community, Connection & Chronic Illness
Welcome, friends. Today I’m talking with Nitika Chopra about something over 130 million Americans struggle with — living with chronic illness.
Nitika is a certified life coach, wellness entrepreneur, founder of the Chronicon event, and a motivational lifestyle guru. It is her life’s purpose to teach radical self-love and help people with chronic illnesses thrive.
In this conversation, we explore what it means to really live with chronic illness, Nitika’s relationship with God, and even a bit about divorce.
Join us to learn about:
The emotional component and social challenges of chronic illness
How a connection with God helped Nitika through her toughest times
How Nitika’s understanding of intuition changed through divorce
Managing your energy levels when you have a chronic illness
The frustration of feeling like you can’t show happiness if you want to be believed
Connect with Nitika
Join the Chronicon Community in Brooklyn on May 19
Visit Nitika’s Website
Listen to Nitika’s Podcast
Follow Nitika on Instagram
Connect with Sarah
Episode Transcript
Sara Tacy [00:00:00]
What would it feel like to be fully present in your body, equipped to handle whatever challenges come your way with more confidence or ease, and definitely more support? I'm opening a few spots for new clients who are interested in building a solid foundation for whatever comes next in life, or perhaps just what is present now. For me, this means supporting the nervous system, building our range of resilience through tune listening, nervous system support tools, and somatic exploration. We consciously release and update old patterns while meeting interferes and doubts with compassion and skill. I understand that the healing journey can be a daunting one, which is why I prioritize creating a safe, supportive environment where you can progress at your own pace.
Sara Tacy [00:01:01]
The techniques used are designed to help you gain access to deep, lasting healing no matter where you are on your path. If this feels right to you and your body. Meaning, perhaps there was a point where your body took big inhale when you heard something, or over time your body has taken a long full exhale. Maybe the breath has broadened, you may feel yourself more grounded or maybe even magnetized forward if your body is saying yes in any way. You can check out the link in the show notes to read more about sessions or book one. But quite honestly, it's hard to describe what happens in anyone session as they're all so different, individualized. So if you read testimonials throughout the website, you'll see the results that many clients have had. Thank you so much for listening. Wishing you the best always. Hello, welcome. I'm Sarah Tacy and this is Threshold Moments, a podcast where guests and I share stories about the process of updating into truer versions of ourselves. The path is unknown and the pull feels real. Together we share our grief, laughter, love and life saving tools. Join us. Hello, today I am very excited and honored to introduce to you Nitika Chopra.
Sara Tacy [00:02:52]
Nitika is an incredible woman who has the ability to speak from her heart and this comes through on the podcast as she comes to tears a number of times, which to me touches upon her ability to really travel back in time while staying present with her truth and her heart. She can travel back in time and remember what it was like to be 10 and have an illness that one could see on the skin. She travels back to different places in which she found her strength to stand up for herself, in which she could question certain paradigms in which she could choose better ways and also track her experience as somebody with chronic illness and the ways that she's grown from it or because of it. Without throwing in the toxic positivity of, you know, that one must find the meaning. I was unaware before I started this podcast that over 133 million Americans live with a chronic disease. And of course, these can be title and they can fluctuate and some can are seen and many are unseen. And so I assume that this podcast will touch a number of you. And if it doesn't touch you directly, I would assume then that you would at least know somebody in your life who is living with an experience in which they can relate. To me, this means it's worth getting to understand. Getting to understand the whole population who has Nitika Feds is not defined by whatever illness or disease they might have and yet is defined by it. And there are so many different categories that we live into in a society. And it may be gender identity or it may be ethnicity, color of skin that doesn't define one and yet does define one. And so as we have these conversations, we get to ear into the complexities of what anyone individual is experiencing. And when somebody is willing to speak on behalf and not claiming that it is true for everybody, but on behalf of a population that says, hey, we are these incredible people. And here are some of the things that we're experiencing. It's an honor. It's an honor to receive that share. So today we have with us Nitika Chopra. And I will leave in the show notes a link for anyone who wants to join Chrono Khan, which will be this May 19th from 5:50 in New York City. And there's also an online community which she really, really touches into. And it it's a source of where she feels like she touches into God when she gets to do this work. This is her divinely aligned work, which she'll also mention and we don't go deeper into, but she'll mention that even that is a living work in process. What does it mean now? What does it mean now? Keeping it alive with the inquiry and the present time needs. I hope you enjoy this podcast as much as I enjoyed the conversation myself. Thank you for listening.
Sara Tacy [00:06:52]
Welcome. Today we have with us Nitika Chopra. Nitika is a certified Life coach, Wellness entrepreneur, go to resource for young women around the globe and a motivational lifestyle guru especially for those living with chronic illness. Nitika is on a mission to inspire radical self love. In 2010, she began her entrepreneurial journey when she founded the popular online magazine Bella Life. Three years later, she began hosting her own talk show, Naturally Beautiful, on global television and became a brand ambassador for some of the most prestigious beauty brands on the market. In the midst of her success, she felt a deep longing for something more, something she could create that would truly have an impact on the lives of others. After getting the courage to open up about her 30 year journey with a debilitating chronic illness, she realized that every time she met someone who had a chronic illness, they felt the same isolation that she did. These experiences sparked the idea to create Chronic On an inclusive community building event focused on those living with chronic illness. In the fall of 2019, the New York City event sold out, had 2000 live stream viewers and high level brand sponsors. Now, Nitika is excited to announce that Chronicon is expanding online with the Chronicon Community, a new accessible online space with inspiration, advocacy, and empowerment for Chronically I'll folks across the globe to connect. Nitika is also the host of Thriving Together podcast, which is available wherever you stream your podcast. Welcome. Thank you so much for being here.
Nitika Chopra [00:08:51]
Thanks so much for having me.
Sara Tacy [00:08:54]
Thought we could jump right in. I told you I wasn't going to overly prepare so that we could just chat and see what comes up. But then I found myself like awoken at 4:00 AM, like I want to learn more about this woman. And I and I listened again to your conversation with Amina and I got really interested in your timeline and your story. And I'm wondering if we could start. I know we want to get, I know at the end of the podcast we want to be talking about the future, which is the chronic con event that is coming up on May 19th. But I'm wondering if we can start all the way back when you were 10 years old. And I'm wondering if you remember the moment in which maybe you saw your first or felt your first symptom of psoriasis and a little bit of like what that journey was at that. What seems like such a critical age of moving into maidenhood with psoriasis?
Nitika Chopra [00:09:59]
Yeah. So when I was 10, as you mentioned, I, you know, leading up to 10 was already honestly pretty hard for me. I always felt just really out of place. I always felt like, I just felt like so different, you know, And it wasn't in one area. It was like in every single way, in every single area in my life, in my family, I always, my parents would always joke like, you must be adopted because you're so different than all of us, you know, and even just like physically I was always really different. Like I'm, I'm more curvy and, you know, I have like big hair and, you know, things like that. No one in my family is like that, at least not in my immediate family. There were just like so many messages that I was always getting about being on the outside, about being different, and it felt really like being not good and wrong and bad. And then when I was 10, that year was like particularly intense. I feel like all of those things I just mentioned just got like worse that year. Like I was getting bullied a lot at school and I was not doing well at school at all. And I'd always kind of like, you know, I, I'm a smart person, but like, as a kid, I did not know that. I just don't learn, I think, in a linear way at all. And my mom and I talk about this all the time now. How like we wish I would have known that because I probably would have gone to like a totally different type of school and I probably would have like flourished in that kind of environment because I love to learn.
Nitika Chopra [00:11:44]
But I didn't know that at the time. So I was like failing 5th grade. I'm like didn't know what was going on. And it was right at that time that I remember, remember exactly what I was wearing. I was wearing this like little kind of crop top, like checkered white and blue button down sleeveless shirt with jeans shorts. And like I was living in Ohio and it was like the middle of the summer. I think it was like June or something. And I was in my bathroom in my old house and I just like remember seeing this sort of dime sized, you know, spot on my left arm. And I just looked at it and asked my mom about it. And I was like, what are you like, what is this? You know, And it kind of itched and she just thought it was eczema, which like eczema can be really intense for a lot of people. So not to diminish it, but my parents both had had like a little bit of eczema at one point and it had never been like overwhelming for them. So they were kind of like, oh, you can just like take a cream and it's probably just that and it'll grow, it'll go away. But we went to the doctor just to like make sure and found out they did a biopsy on me and they found out that it was psoriasis. And I'll never forget like the scene or like the moment when my mom found out that it was psoriasis. And then we talked to, like, one of our family members that is a doctor, and he actually also happens to have psoriasis. And he was just like, that's not good. Like, this is really bad like that, that she has that. But this is going to be really intense. And we didn't really know what that meant or where that was going to lead us. But it was just this feeling of like, oh, like something's really not right here and something bad is not to happen. So it was pretty. It was a it was a really tender time. Yeah.
Sara Tacy [00:13:38]
And that dime spot then grew, as I understand it says it as I saw in your writing, that it went head to toe. I have somebody in my family who has pretty intense psoriasis, and it keeps her up at night. And it's, it's pretty constant for her. And she's tried so many things. Yeah. And it when it spreads different parts of her body each time, it's like, you know, because you want it to go in the opposite direction. And maybe you would be willing to talk to us a little bit about I know you talked, you were just touching into the emotions of it. But when my experience with chronic pain for me is that it just like really takes away like from my energy, just such a depletion of energy and even the way I might see the world starts to shift. So when you kind of stack on that, there's something physical on the outside, something bothersome with the itching, and then the addition of pain, especially when you were 19 and it turned into a psoriatic arthritis. Can you speak to us a little bit about this transition as well, or what it's like to have chronic pain with it?
Nitika Chopra [00:14:55]
Yeah. I mean, I think the first thing that comes up for me when you ask that is just I didn't know that there were so many things at play with what I was going through with my skin, especially because, yeah, I had psoriasis only from 10 to 19. And that whole time I was experiencing, like, extreme fatigue. You know, I was also like just emotionally so overwhelmed and I didn't have an understanding or an outlet or like emotional support. My parents have always supported me with my health journey in like the more practical ways and like, you know, gone above and beyond for me with my health for sure, but definitely didn't have like the emotional tools. But also, we weren't really taught that there was like this emotional component to dealing with something like this, which to me is like, that is banana pants because I was like, how can you? Like, I was living from the tip of my foot to the tip of my head. I had psoriasis, which is scaly and itching like chicken pox every day. And I would, like leave through my jeans in the middle of math class because I would be itching and I would have stains on my clothes. My mom would have to change my sheets before school almost every single morning because I would bleed through my sheets because I was itching and the scales and every.It was so painful. And I mean, we get a pimple and we're like frustrated or stressed at times, right? So it's like the fact that no one was really connecting the dots that I was overwhelmed and like overwhelmed does not even begin to actually describe how intense it was for me emotionally. And then not to mention like the, the social ramifications and like challenges with that, right? So we talk a lot in the work that I do about like invisible conditions versus visible conditions. And I've experienced both now and with having something so visible. At the time, it was just like, Oh my gosh, like I shook someone's hand or before I even was shaking someone's hand, they saw all of my greatest fears and wounds and traumas, like all over me, you know? And I couldn't. It's like imagining that, like imagining the thing that you don't want anyone to know about you and like, it's plastered across your knees, you know? And so that was the experience I was having. Now it also, I'm a very spiritual person and it, it brought me to my knees in a way where like, the only thing left for me to do was to talk to God. And I get so emotional thinking about it because, yeah, it was, it's, it saved me to be able to have that relationship, you know, And it, this is like another thing my parents would always be like, where did you come from? Because my family is not religious at all. Like we're, you know, we're cultural. So I was born a Hindu. And it's very similar to like a lot of folks who are, you know, Jewish where there may be like born into Judaism, but it's more about like the culture and the holidays and things like that. But it's not so much focused on like the religious aspects or whatever. So my family was much more like that. And yeah, but I just held on to God literally for my dear life because I felt like there was, I mean, I didn't only feel like it. There was really no one who understood what I was going through and no one who could comfort me, you know? And that's something that I think now I think about a lot actually, because I think that for a lot of chronically I'll folks or even a lot of people who are dealing with chronic pain, I think that a lot of it comes from this deep disconnect that's so many of us have. And I think it's different for everyone. And it's so scary thing to talk about, to be honest with you, because I never wanted to go to the form of like, you know, the self help world and how it's been like so toxic at times and how it just sort of, you know, paints this like, like there's a grand brush stroke of like you have a disease. So there's dis ease and you have to let I'm just like, no, thank you. No, no, that's not what I'm saying, right. But something I've been coming to terms with as I was diagnosed with my third chronic illness last year, which isn't something I've even like talked that much about publicly. You know, it's just like, there's just a lot. There's something deeper going on. I think when we are led to the life of chronic pain and chronic illness that I do think has like a spiritual side to it. I do think it has a side to it that is meant to reprogram us on a deep level that's like greater than we even realize. I don't totally understand it all yet though. So I'm like, OK, I, I can sense that this is coming. This is like what I've been going through lately. I feel like I've been, I'm walking more and more towards like figuring that out, but I don't have all the answers for it yet. So anyway, that's those are all the things that come up for me when you ask me that.
Sarah Tacy [00:20:15]
When you say that you had a relationship with God or that you turn to God, what did that look like for you?
Nitika Chopra [00:20:23]
I talk to God all the time. Like God was my best friend. And I mean, I'm still very close to God so it's not like so in past tense, but I really didn't have a lot of friends growing up and my friends now are always like that. It's so hard to believe. But my mom, literally my mom, literally if I tell her now, I'm almost 42 and she'll still be like, oh, you went out with your friend. That's really great. I'm so glad you have a friend. And I'm like, mom, I have friends now, but my mom is like traumatized by how few friends I had. And so I would literally just be in my room and I'd be journaling to God like all the time. I would pray all the time, I would talk. I'm a verbal processor. So I would just talk to God. Like even this morning I was like feeling tender about some stuff. And I'm just like working on some really big stuff right now, like personally and professionally. And it's pushing me to places that just feel really scary. And yeah. And I just kind of want to take a nap. I just kind of want to be like, do I have to? I used to my potential all the time, you know? You know, I really don't.
Nitika Chopra [00:21:40]
I really don't. But so I was like feeling this like tenderness. And I'm also working through this new diagnosis that I got. And so I'm like pushing myself physically and like all this stuff. And yeah, I just, my inclination used to be to like, reach for a person or like, reach for like a fix or a solve, you know, like, how do I get rid of this feeling? And what I've started to remember to do, which is something I used to do as a kid a lot, is just to sit with God. And it's not like I know some people are like really into this, like, you know, these like altars and like those, you know, really like, and that's great. If that works for you and it invokes what you need it to evoke, like that's great. I'm not, I'm a New Yorker. I don't know. I don't do all that stuff. I just don't like, you know, brushing my teeth and like, hey, God. So you know, that thing that happened yesterday, it was really rude. And I'd really appreciate it if you didn't do so much of that anymore, you know, or just like, I don't feel you right now, God, like, where the heck are you? Like, why aren't you showing me that you're here? Or what do I need to do to feel more connected to you? Like, can you please show me? You know, it's not that complicated. And I think people I talked to my friends about God a lot and, and a lot of times it's, you know, because they don't understand how to connect with God. And I wish, I hope one day I can figure out how to like teach people how to connect with God more in a way that really resonates with them. But it's just always been something that's been sort of innate in me. And I do think like finding the places in your life or the moments in your life where you feel what you might call God or Spirit and like continuing to seek those things out, I think that's one way people can sort of work on that practice. And I guess what I mean by that is when I was growing up, one of the things that I loved more than anything was singing. And I've been singing since I was 13. And I took voice lessons and just like always wanted to, I felt like when I sang, I was holding God's hand and I always felt that way. It's not because I sound like an Angel. That's not why. It's because I just, I just felt that it just, it just totally always melted away. Like all the human stuff, you know, it's just like had me be in my spirit. And so I seek that out. I know what that feeling is, right? I don't, not everybody's going to call it God, whatever, but that feeling to me is God. And so I'm like, OK, what else can I do that's going to get me to have that experience more often, if that makes sense. So I do think that's one thing someone can do. But yeah, I don't know. It's just been a part of me my whole my whole life.
Sarah Tacy [00:24:43] '
So I'm hearing that I don't want to say a way that God speaks back to you, but maybe a way that you feel the presence is through certain activities like singing. And I'm wondering as you're talking about journaling to God or speaking to God, when you journal to God, do you ever journal back from God to you? I know it's like a little just salty, but have do you ever do that
Nitika Chopra [00:25:10]
I know, but I feel like I should. I've been told to do that like I did. I did something.
Sarah Tacy [00:25:15]
It's so interesting.
Nitika Chopra [00:25:17]
Yeah, I've definitely heard of like that practice. So it's, it's not like a far fetched thing. I've definitely heard of people doing that. I did that. The one time I do remember doing that was actually not that long ago when my grandmother passed away. And she passed in 2021. And she was one of the most important people to me in my life. So I remember when she passed, I like, did do some of that because I was really trying to connect with her and I didn't like, I didn't want to get like my brain in the way of it, you know, like, I really wanted to sort of channel her, her essence. And yeah, I remember doing that then, but I don't, I don't like necessarily do that as a practice, but I probably should. It sounds like a something that would be healing to do more often.
Sarah Tacy [00:26:10]
Yeah, I wasn't necessarily even saying it as anything that you should or need to do. I was just curious as you are immuting with God, in what ways you feel God back? And I hear you saying that and singing. And I wonder if it's also like been signed or that you start doing some sort of work and you feel like that work has that same feeling that singing has to you. Is it like, is it through? I'm sorry that I'm dissecting this so much. I'm just so curious. Like, is it a feeling that you get that you're like, OK, this is the path. This is the way because of the way it feels.
Nitika Chopra [00:26:48]
Yeah, I would say, and don't apologize for dissecting it. I could talk about God for like 24 hours straight and not before. So it's not at all a problem for me. You know, I would say it's a knowing and I'm a feelings person, so it would make sense to say it was a feeling, but it doesn't feel accurate in my body. It's really unknowing. It's like I know God, like I'm on God's path when I'm doing a certain thing. And not to sound like a total cheese ball, but I really do feel that way when I'm doing my work with Chronic on, especially like the work in the community because we have our own app and stuff now. And there are these, I call them my angels because I, I genuinely believe that they are. And they have just, I mean, I don't know why I'm so emotional in this, this podcast episode. By the way, Sarah, I'm blaming it all on you because I feel like there's something about your energy that's so like soothing and relaxing and beautiful. And so I'm just like tearing up every time I talk about anything. But I do actually tear up a lot when I talk about Chronicon's community. And it's like a running joke in our community at this point. Every time I talk about them, I was just like, here we go again. But yeah, I, I really feel that way when I am with them. And when I'm like, there is so many times when I'll feel at the end of my rope or feel like I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I have no idea what's going on. And then I'll hop into a Zoom with them for like our weekly meetings or workshops or whatever, and I will just know God is in that Zoom. And there have been times where there have been four people in the Zoom with me. It's not about having there be 4000 people in the Zoom. There are four people and they are all connected to God's path. And it is so clear, like more clear than anything has ever been in my entire life. So it's more like that. It's not so much it doesn't, it doesn't. I don't experience it like a feeling. I experience it like I'm knowing, like I know and, and I don't need anyone's approval on it or I don't need anyone's Co signing it. I don't need anyone's feedback about it, which is like not the way I am When I'm not aligned and when I'm not connected to God's path, I'm usually like, is everything OK? Do you think it's going to work out? What do you think? Like how can I do this different? You know, how can I be more like her? What am I supposed to be doing? And when I'm with God, I'm just like, I got it, you know, God's got this. I'm good and I really mean it. I'm not trying to get it or like be on the path, right? It's like, no, it's, it's, it's genuine. So I'm constantly seeking that experience.
Sarah Tacy [00:29:46]
This leads me in in two directions, which is there's a part of me that's like, OK, go to 2016 from here. However, this feels really relevant and it might seem a little bit off to left field. When you were 24, you were in a marriage and you decided to end it. And in terms of staying on God's path or staying with a knowing, and at this time you're five years into having a more painful version of psoriatic arthritis, the questions kind of go like, what was the risk of staying versus the risk of leaving? And I can only imagine in a place of like such pain, physical pain, mental, emotional, all the things that come with it to harness the energy that it might take to create a shift in momentum or to stand up for yourself. I'm wondering if you'd be willing to speak to that transition at all.
Nitika Chopra [00:30:52]
Sarah, what is going on? That is what's happening for me. I was just like, where are we? What is going on with these questions? They're beautiful. They're so beautiful. This is one of the most beautiful interviews I've ever had, and I've had a lot of interviews. This is really so beautiful. Thank you for me who you are.
Sarah Tacy [00:31:19]
Thank you for coming with your whole self.
Nitika Chopra [00:31:20]
Yeah, I really appreciate it. OK, so where I go when you ask me that question is basically like, I mean, there's 1000 things I could say about that experience for me. One thing I will say about like the strength or like the ability to move on and like leave my marriage. I've always had this ability to fight for myself, and I think that that is something, it's very specific to who I am. And lately I've even gotten into the practice of appreciating people who have really put me down in my life genuinely because I can now see it has pushed me to fight for myself. And that is really what happened in that marriage. I mean, he didn't put me down, that's not what I'm saying. But my ex-husband was the love of my life. I was certain with every cell in my body and every knowing that I could possibly have, that he was meant to be my husband. And the tricky thing I think sometimes for my family looking back at that, is that they see it as like, I made a mistake or you got divorced. So it didn't work out, right? Which is understandable. But I've never looked at it that way because I know that he was meant to be my husband. The hardest part for that with that experience for me was I didn't understand how your intuition could lead you somewhere that wasn't meant to end the way you had pictured it. And so the biggest heartbreak there was obviously heartbreak for the romantic sense of the relationship, but the biggest heartbreak for me was that piece. And with that said, when I did decide to leave my marriage, I had this, I had a past life regression. OK, we're just going to go there. I, I had a past life regression, which I won't get into too much because it's pretty intimate. But what I will say is I had this understanding as I was trying to process and figure out what I was meant to do, that something about my dynamic with my husband at the time was holding me back in a way where I was keeping myself sick. I was the sickest I have ever been when I was married. When I was 19, I got psoriatic arthritis. And then when we got married when I was 20, I moved to New York to be with him. And I basically was mostly immobile from the time I moved into our apartment to a year after we got divorced. And I just, I have never been that sick in my entire life in that way. Actually, last year was pretty brutal, too. But like, mostly I've never been that sick in that way. I've never been immobile like that in my entire life. And it got so bad that doctors had said that, like, if I hadn't started a specific treatment, I would be completely immobile by the time I was 30. And, like, my bones would have deformed to the point where I wouldn't have been able to use them anymore. So it was really bad. So there was this part of me that understood through a series of different things that this marriage was keeping me in that state. So I fought for that. Do you know what I mean? Like it's like I couldn't make sense of the romantic, like human parts of what was going on. I really couldn't. And it took me, I would say probably we were only together for five years. It took me probably 7 years before I really was able to like put that heartbreak down in terms of being feeling really betrayed by my intuition. But yeah, that's, that's the piece, you know, that always, I always felt like I was willing to fight for myself. And yeah, it got me. It got me to be able to say I'm ready to go now.
Sarah Tacy [00:35:53]
That's beautiful. When I'm going to interview you, you said that some of your gifts for being able to speak directly but with great kindness and heart content creation. But the way I understood it was this really like multi-dimensional element of like you said, like walking around Soho and like feeling into the different stores and the places. I really imagined you like all the elements kind of sinking in and processing you like in you as before you put it out and give it out to somebody. And I imagine when you do Chronic on 2, it's like there are so many levels and dynamics that you bring together and harness as you put out, and that that's part of the content creation. And then in this moment, if we could add to that list, would be your ability to fight for yourself, to stand up for what you need. It's a really beautiful thing and something that I think so many of us are trying to learn how to do more and how to advocate for ourselves. And without getting into specifics of my own, I've had that happen once in which how could my intuition thinking that almost every time I've seen something in my mind and I have the courage to follow through that it works out. And I've had one time that was absolutely heartbreaking that I just couldn't wrap my head around, couldn't wrap my head around it. Sorry. And I hear that that has also transitioned for you. And maybe I'll add one more thing about divorce more just as something that's interesting to me, which was my parents are still married. My grandparents are 94 and they're probably 70 years married. And that's really all I saw around me were my parents, friends were married, aunts and uncles and my first best friend in college, her parents were divorced. And I went to go visit she and her mom in Hawaii. And I know I said it lovingly because I'm going to sound like an ******* but it was something like, what's it like to like be married to somebody for 20 years and then find out that you made the wrong decision? Because that's what I had in my head. What divorce meant was like, you made a mistake. And she is like, I didn't make a mistake. She was like, that was my path. And it was like such a loving conversation. And you know, it wasn't like she doesn't there was no defensiveness in her voice. And she's like, oh, that was my path that was meant to be. And then we had different paths to go on. And that path for some people could be a lifetime. It could be a year. For us, it was 20 years. It was the very first time that I saw divorce in a different light of just like going from marriage is supposed to be forever to there are contracts with different timelines. And it was, it was like one of those like shattering moments that I was so grateful for. Thank you for also sharing yours your moment.
Nitika Chopra [00:39:09]
It is so, so culture shifting, you know, it's, it's just like the construct. It's like shifting that construct because that's just like not what we're taught. And it's also not, I don't think anyone goes into marriage being like, well, it doesn't work out, nobody.
Sarah Tacy [00:39:29]
Right, right. Like we really.
Nitika Chopra [00:39:31]
Want it to work out, you know, and so I think that's complicated too, at times, yeah.
Sarah Tacy [00:39:38]
I want to highlight some highlights here too. So, and I think I was trying to figure this out on the timeline as well. When you started your entrepreneurial path, how long was that right on the other side of your divorce? Or was that like a few years after 2010 was when you launched your magazine, which I just, I want to tell, I want you to tell the story. But I'm also like, I think it's so cool that you launched this magazine with this knowing already it's like, well, I should have my own TV show. So clearly, like I'm going to start with a plug and then it'll be a magazine. Like. And that would be somewhere where you like, you do see it through. But can you take us on that journey too of actually, let's not skip there, let's a little bit go into like the transition, the point of standing up for yourself. And then what were you named emotions as being something that weren't included in your healing or supportive process before? What were the things that started to transition you from absolute pain and immobility to a life where you had the ability and the capacity to go ahead and follow dreams and try things out?
Nitika Chopra [00:40:55]
Yeah, it was. I mean, so many things, but the biggest thing I remember is about a year after my divorce, I was still very, very sick. And I was living alone in the West Village. And I had this voice teacher and she called me that morning, this one morning. And she basically was like, hey, like, you know, this music that we've been practicing, like they're auditioning for this musical on Broadway. Like, and there's open call, like you should totally go and audition because she's like, you know the part, like you should do it. And I remember feeling like incredibly overwhelmed at the suggestion. And then I got off the phone with her. And the reality was like, I couldn't do it because I wasn't able to. I mean, it would have taken me 3 hours, which is what normally happened for me to exfoliate enough to not feel severe pain and then take enough Aleve to feel like physically OK to move, to get like down the stairs basically. And I laid in bed. And my parents were living in Hong Kong at the time. And I called my mom and I just had this moment of like I had been on this sort of trajectory around like the self help world and like this conversation around like the secret had been really popular then especially. And, you know, just being told that, like, if you have a disease, like you are causing it basically by your thoughts. And so I had sort of been in this extreme place for a little while around, like, what's wrong with you? Like, why are you, you know, causing this? Like what? Why can't you just, like, fix it and figure it out? And it was very real for me, you know, and when I got that phone call and I realized I was 25 at the time and I was just like, I am not living my life. I don't have a life. I can't get out of bed. I can't go downstairs and like go be with a friend. I don't even have friends because I can't meet anyone, right? So it was this really big moment for me. And then I called my mom and I was like, I know I've been telling you, like, you know, I'm on this path and I like, really want to help like figure this out and try to like heal myself and all these things. And I've, I think I just realized I've been putting way too much pressure on myself and like, I do believe in God and I think God made medicine for a reason, right? And so then she basically like she had been planning on coming into the city like in a couple weeks. And so we made some appointments to some doctors and found a really great rheumatologist for my arthritis and ended up starting a treatment plan. And within two weeks I was skipping down the street.
Sarah Tacy [00:43:53]
Wow.
Nitika Chopra [00:43:55]
Yeah, it was, it was remarkable, you know, and it hasn't been like a, you know, like 1 and done journey. It's been a lots of ups and downs and trial and error and all these things. But it, it showed me that I could have so much more than I even knew or that I was even like willing to have on some level, you know, like I had sort of always been pushed down or, you know, told that I wasn't good enough or whatever, even just like on a physical level, right? And so many different areas. I was sort of shown that and told that over and over and over again. And so I think there was a lot of like deep programming for me of just like, yeah, that's what you are. Like you're not worth it, you know, And it's like, it's stuff we talked about like kind of openly now in a lot of ways, but it's not, it was not obvious to me at the time. And from there, I essentially started, I always like wanted to be a singer. So like acting was like also kind of close to that. And I started like taking acting classes and like started to try to, you know, figure out what I wanted to do. I was in real estate for a little while because, I mean, you know, in New York, it's like super common to be a real estate agent here when you're first starting out with stuff, especially and you could have your own hours. So it's like, OK, so I was doing that for a little while, and then, yeah, I actually started going to like a coaching program, which is where I met our mutual friend Sarah Jenks. And so like, Oh my God, like 14 years ago. And yeah, I met other women who were like, around my age who were also like, really ambitious and like, wanted like really full lives and like, also wanted to be, you know, whatever our version of healthy was and like, mindful, you know, and I started to dream. And in that room, I started to dream about this next chapter. And because I never even knew anyone who like wrote a book and it was like so weird, but it's like, I was like, I never thought about like, who's the person that writes the self help book or like who, you know, now it's so common. Like everyone is talking about writing a book or I'm, you know, we all have our own podcasts or we all have our own Instagram followings or whatever. But at the time I was like, wait, someone like just like decides if they want to do that and then they do it like I had no idea. So it was in that room for a couple of years that I started to really like figure that out and started to get messages around what the next chapter was going to be.
Sarah Tacy [00:46:30]
That's incredible. I love the little steps that lead us towards the capacity to dream. I'll also say that like at my lowest lows where energy is lower, my dreams diminish. And I think that that's so wise. I don't like it. I love having my visions and like want to go for it, but it's so wise because I wouldn't have the energy to follow a dream anyway. So it'd just be really frustrating. But there's something about the little steps along the way to our like in our reclamation process or in our re-emergence that when the dreams start coming, it's just such an amazing time to hold on to and appreciate. I'm like, I'm very into the timeline things, but I also I loved hearing you talk about boundaries and I'm kind of feeling into two things here. So I'm going to start with this. Your podcast is called Thriving Together. You have chronic on, which is, you know, supporting and creating community with people with chronic illness. So what does it mean to thrive as somebody with a chronic illness?
Nitika Chopra [00:47:48]
I really think it's whatever you're capable of in that moment. You know, I really think like living with a chronic condition forces you to be in the present in a way that can be very profound. And yeah, so that's what it's been for me. I mean, every moment I'm so hyper tuned into my body that, you know, every moment is different. Like I woke up this morning feeling one way and then I worked out and I felt a different way and then I ate something and I felt a different way. And then I, you know, and I think that's true for most people, But I, I find that folks who are dealing with their body and like the more intense ways that I am or that someone with chronic pain is, I just find that we're just so in tune with those things. Like I find that people in my life that don't deal with that, they have no idea what I'm talking about. It's like a totally different metric system or whatever, or level of awareness around their body. So I think thriving is really being in tune with myself in the moment and like understanding what my needs are and learning how to create, you know, to access those needs or support those needs like when I need to. But yeah, that's, that's what it is for me. And I think that's why, like, I was actually nervous to start that podcast. I used to have another podcast called The Point of Pain, and it was great. I loved that, that show. But it was also focusing so much on the pain, you know, and like the intensity, which I'm really good at. I'm really comfortable in like the darkness and all that kind of stuff. But I also find that for folks who are living with chronic conditions, like we're so often not given permission to like be more than our illnesses. And that's really so much of what my work is about. And it's been such a tricky thing because I feel like I'm focusing on my energy on folks who are living with chronic illnesses and chronic pain. But it's like really so much more than it's about us being more than that at the same time. So right now I'm on this, like, evolution journey, trying to figure out like, how to, you know, like, make all that make sense. I'm just kind of fumbling through it at the moment, which is fine. But yeah, I was a little nervous to do a podcast called Thriving Together because I was like, I don't know if people who are living with chronic illnesses are going to want to talk about thriving. Because I remember when I was in those moments that I just talked about like, Oh my gosh, if someone had talked to me about thriving, I would be offended, right? Like I can't get up. Like what are you talking about? You know? So I never wanted to come across like, I don't get that or I don't honor that. But I also want us to be open to more, you know, so.
Sarah Tacy [00:50:36]
Yeah, when I was first redoing my website this summer, there were pictures that the website designer wanted to put up front and like, I look too happy. You can't put that up there because so much of my work is I would love to meet people, you know, whether they're, they're stepping into a new version of themselves and doing quite well. But I think I also, especially at that time, was working with quite a few people who were really in the depths of The Dark Knight of the Soul. And I was afraid and especially like having just come out of like years of that place, that if it was like too happy and people would feel left behind or not understood or that there wasn't a place for them. And so there is such an art to weaving in the possibility of joy or the possibility of a dream or a possibility of community without leaving behind the times that laying in bed is your best self-care, like that is your best thriving that you could find an awesome show while you're laying in bed or that like you might have somebody on the phone to talk to. So that thriving now has this much wider range of what it could mean. So it could mean that you're, I saw that you were on a billboard, like a bathing suit billboard. It could mean that you have this huge event. And it could also mean maybe even the next day that you're sleeping in and so that that thriving and takes on a much more multi dimensional meaning with a bigger range of possibility. But I think that I really understand that dynamic of wanting to honor the depths of darkness while holding a possibility of more.
Nitika Chopra [00:52:34]
Yeah, like I have these pictures that I shared when I first started sort of going towards talking about chronic illness more. They're pictures from when I was like the most sick when I was in my early 20s. And I had hid those pictures away for so long because they're so intense. But there was this part of me that like finally felt like I needed to share them because. And I'm happy that I did because I do think it served a purpose. But it was also because, like, I literally would have people tell me, I see you smiling on, you know, your, whatever your Instagram or your, you know, podcast cover or whatever it is. And I can't ever imagine that you've really ever been through something, you know? And so I kind of resent that in some ways because I'm just like, why do I have to like, bleed out for you to like, really be, you know, like, I don't know. But thankfully I had evidence from the past so I didn't have to like, renew it.
Sarah Tacy [00:53:31]
I really didn't weed out. Yeah, come on. I'm.
Nitika Chopra [00:53:34]
Like, but yeah, it's this weird thing, you know, and it, yeah, I'm definitely, as I said, sort of fumbling through it at the moment of figuring out like, how do I talk to this group of people who I know they're my people. I know what it's like to live like with a chronic illness more than I know anything in this world, you know? And so I know they're my people, but I just want to, I want so much more for us, you know, that's really what I want. I want so much more for myself. It's not like I want so much more for us because I've got it all figured out, what I'm saying. I want so much more for all of us, myself included, you know, And I don't want to be defined by the things that aren't working in my body, you know, I don't want to be defined by the things that are missing their mark or, you know, hard or painful or, you know, yeah, I don't want that to define me. And at the same time, it does in so many ways, right? Like, it also makes me a freaking ******. I'm such a great advocate. I'm so good at organizing because I've had to organize so many medical things. It's like ridiculous, you know, I'm so, so diligent about so many things. I have to take so many medications and be on top of it, right? So it's like there's so much that it has made, it has made better in my life. And I'm not saying that in like, you know, the sort of whatever, like Renee Brown type way that people say things, you know, like I'm not saying that in a toxic positivity type way. It's genuine. It's made me so much better in so many ways. I have empathy, like, pouring out of me in a way that I don't think I would have had if I hadn't been through all of the things that I've been through. So I don't know, Sarah, let me know when you figure it out. How do we talk to people without being defined by it?
Sarah Tacy [00:55:34]
I just recently heard something about how when you hear someone speaking with wisdom or even I'm going to add or even humility, ask them about their journey. Because that wisdom and that humility and that ability to schedule the things and to do what you do it, it didn't come without the journey. It didn't come without the pain points so that you get to have both.
Nitika Chopra [00:56:04]
Yeah, I resonate with that because I feel like every time I meet someone that like is like, is like that is like wise in some way or humble in some way. I just want to be like so tell me everything.
Sarah Tacy [00:56:17]
I just.
Nitika Chopra [00:56:18]
Want to know? That's literally like that is how I am. I'm so awkward. It's just not even funny because I have no there's it's like Straight No Chaser type vibe over here. Like there's no like, you know, let's warm up. I'm like, no, no, I don't have a warm up. You know, I'm just like, tell me everything and that's why, because I know I know. I also know when people look at me, they think one thing or a couple of things or whatever. They don't. They don't, they can't possibly see all the things that I've been through, right? So when I see someone and I feel this way, I feel this way a lot actually. When I'm in restaurants or like when I'm in like a store and I'm like being served by someone, I literally want to know everything. I'm just like, so why are you working at this restaurant And like what is going on with your family? Like what are your hopes and dreams? Like? I genuinely look at everyone serving me as that in that way. And I don't, I mean, maybe that's not normal. I don't know. But I really feel that because I'm just like, I know that you have a whole story. I know you're a whole person. And I know that so many people are going to look at you like someone who's like a means to an end, right? Like a tool to like get them the thing or bring them the food. And I'm just like, you were not a tool. You are a soul. God brought you here for a reason. Let's talk about it. Just want to talk about it all. So I'm going to eat with me and you see me lovingly look at the server in like some way. It's intense, but I'm very much that person.
Sarah Tacy [00:57:51]
I'm just thinking we should go to eat sometime, like somewhere together because I so we don't have, I mean, I live in Maine, so I don't Uber a lot, but I went down for Kate's birthday and gotten an Uber and I think my husband's like, what is going on? I was like, wait, you're from Cuba? What was it like to live there? Where is your family? What was the journey like here? How do you feel now that you're here? What are like? And I'm just.
Nitika Chopra [00:58:15]
Like these are all the norms tell me about.
Sarah Tacy [00:58:16]
Your life Do you like this job? Why do you choose the morning hours over the night hours? What are the routes I?
Nitika Chopra [00:58:23]
Wanted to just like.
Saray Tacy [00:58:24]
Give the kind of break. I'm like, I just want to know. I'm just like, so curious about this human. All the time when we're.
Nitika Chopra [00:58:31]
Walking and we just like bump into somebody in the woods. I'm like, what brought you here tonight? Story like let us take a seat and talk about you. I really want to know and that's like someone did my astrology chart recently and was like you and they were telling me like I really love people and I was just like, that is where I see God. So when we were talking earlier about like the singing and stuff and like even with the chronic cotton in the community, I was just like, yeah, that is where I see God. Like when I look at you, for example, I'm looking at you right now and you're so beautiful and you're so you appear to be so in this moment and so in your body and, and I feel in my body that you are supremely present with me. I can feel God in that. You know, I makes me so emotional. I can, I can feel God here with us right now and I can feel it in you just by looking at you. You know, I know it's I'm a mess, but it's true. And that's how I feel every time I'm in the community, every time I see those people and those angels, I'm just like, oh, there's God. Oh, there he is. Oh, there's God, there's God, there's God. OK, we're going to be OK. I don't know what the hell we're doing half the time, but we are going to be OK because of that, you know? And so that is also where that comes from. Lord, I did not know that I was going to need tissues in this interview.
Sarah Tacy [01:00:10]
I know that it's about time to come to a close and this was such a beautiful conversation but also an ending because it's like I'm imagining into May 19th. I love that it's 5:50, like such a doable amount of time. Like there was really a part of me who was, I've been to so many trainings that are just like all day and you want to get all the bits, but it's exhausting. So I was like, oh, 5:50. That's so thoughtful. And just hearing what you said about like, I want to know each one of these people that it just makes sense that you would find amazing people to be on your panel who have stories to tell. And that that would magnetize all of these people in your community to get to know so many more stories. Because the original thing that I read in one of your BIOS was how isolated you once felt. And so the medicine, right is, is the way that you connect and the way that you feel God and the way that you help others feel God in that presence and feel less alone. And I feel like that, I mean, honestly, that's the point of this podcast is that people might feel less alone on their journey, whatever their journey is, whether they're in the sparkly part or the hardest part or the in between. The like the messy middle of the I don't know is that we don't have to know, but we cannot know together. It's kind of nice.
Nitika Chopra [01:01:38]
Yes, sign me up for that.
Sarah Tacy [01:01:40]
Yeah. Thank you so much for coming on today.
Nitika Chopra [01:01:45]
Yeah, thank you for having me making me cry like 4 times.
Sarah Tacy [01:01:49]
Thank you for your tears. Thanks for like really coming fat fully.
Nitika Chopra [01:01:53]
I appreciate it. They were. They were. And just. Yeah, I really appreciate your thoughtfulness and your care and the way that you held this whole conversation. It was really so special to me so.
Sarah Tacy [01:02:08]
Thank you.
Nitika Chopra [01:02:09]
Really, thank you so much.
Sarah Tacy [01:02:11]
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for tuning in. It's been such a pleasure. If you're looking for added support, I'm offering a program that's totally free called 21 Days of Untapped Support. It's pretty awesome. It's very easy, it's very helpful. You can find it at sarahtacy.com. And if you love this episode, please subscribe. And like, apparently it's wildly useful. So we could just explore what happens when you Scroll down to the bottom subscribe rate, maybe say a thing or two. If you're not feeling it, don't do it. It's totally fine. I look forward to gathering with you again. Thank you so much.