Death as the center of the creative cycle
I remember sitting by his side as he sipped a quiet breath, followed by his barely noticeable exhale.
I remember awaiting his next sip of air, but nothing coming.
I remember his skin becoming pale and becoming cooler to the touch.
I remember calling out to my father in a panic to come quick (He had just left his side to answer a call from my brother.).
I remember my father running in and kneeling down on the other side of Papa, and calling to him, “Dad! Dad!”*
I remember my grandfather coming back to life for a moment to open his eyes and lovingly saying, “You son of a…” which felt like he was saying, “You called me back from the otherside?” And, “I love you the most.”
I remember my dad crying as he kneeled by his father’s side.
I remember the room changing as his spirit left his body. It felt and looked lighter. The peace was palpable.
I remember feeling awe instead of grief, even if only for that moment.
Being there for Papa’s transition was an opening unlike anything I had felt before. The birth of my daughter would be the next great opening.
(This is the picture I place on my alter any time I want to remember that my presence is enough. Instead of asking about the happenings in my life, he would always say, "I'm so happy you're here.")
I know that not every last breath feels like a gift. I also know that the days, weeks, months and for some, the years leading up to that last breath can be wildly dynamic swings of pain and gratitude.
I understand that the time after death can be its own crucible.
Therese Jornlin, a wise woman, is our first guest on Threshold Moments for our October series on the death threshold.
She described this part of the life cycle as, the part that we tend to resist and yet it makes everything grow, and the part that keeps us from calcifying in beliefs and form. She has coined these thresholds as begendings.
I had SO many questions I wanted to ask her about her 101 thresholds including her time in Calcutta with Mother Theresa, her time in India with her Guru, her work revolutionizing women’s relationships to their biology, her experience becoming a mother, her evolution through divorce, her diagnosis, her stepping into crone and grandmother, and around early and later parent loss.
Instead I followed the thread of death as an opening to life and asked her questions like, “Why are we here?” and “How can we do it better?”
Turns out taking care of your birth and honoring death are part of the answer.
Blessing upon your begendings.
Love,
Sarah
"Death is the center of the creative cycle." Therese Jornlin
"All there is, is life. Death is an expression of life. Birth is an expression of life. And as we allow ourselves to traverse, surf, trip through the cycle we get to also tap into what is unchanging."
Therese Jornlin
*Permission from my father to share my experience of this particular threshold. 💙