101 - The Space Between Doing it All and Chaos
Have you ever wondered what might happen if you abandoned the endless expectations and tasks on your to-do list?
In this week’s episode, I explore what it really means to release urgency, honor our capacity, and create space for others to show up for us.
Together, we’ll look at:
Why releasing the pressure to do everything can open the door to unexpected support
How stepping back from a project can actually expand your reach
Why tending to your own needs and pleasure makes your giving more sustainable and abundant
If you’ve been feeling the weight of “holding it all together,” this episode is an invitation to pause, soften, and consider: What could I set down, even just for now?
Connect with Sarah
Episode Transcript
Sarah Tacy [00:00:06]:
Hello, welcome. I'm Sarah Tacy and this is Threshold Moments, a podcast where guests and I share stories about the process of updating into truer versions of ourselves. The path is unknown and the pull feels real. Together we share our grief, laughter, love and life saving tools. Join us. Hello and welcome to Threshold Moments. I have just returned from being on Amber Lillistrom's new podcast and we got to record in person and it is the perfect example of when you put something down, somebody else picks it up and, and it can be mutually beneficial. Today on Threshold Moments, as we are leaning into the ideas of opting out of urgency, I'd love to share with you ways in which, as I've made choices to say, you know what, I don't need to hold this thing anymore.
Sarah Tacy [00:01:16]:
I don't need to do all the things, right? That idea that so many of us, especially women, have this feeling of holding it all together and holding all the things, and of course that's a lot on the nervous system. And of course then it can feel a lot like all or nothing, like I have to hold it all. This is a feeling I came to in a ceremony where I was like, oh, I think that I'm weaving all the pieces together and I think that I need to hold it all together and that if I don't, there will be chaos. And I have had a scenario or two in my life in which I couldn't hold it all together and it did feel like it fell apart. But as I'm more resourced, I get to begin to step out of, okay, I am no longer in a situation where it is actually a survival situation. So what feels true, what feels like I must or I can't, I must and I can't. I must do this thing. I don't have the energy to do it anymore, right? These double binds that I might be able to take out the urgency from something and really look at it and say, do I really feel like I need to hold this thing anymore? The examples I'm going to give you today are more recreational, but they matter to me because it is still a place that a lot of my energy would have gone.
Sarah Tacy [00:02:45]:
So this year I was in a ceremony and it was the Great Mother ceremony. And I realized that there are times throughout my life, many times where I think it's all on me. I don't recognize the spiritual support, the energetic support. I don't see the bigger picture. And I just feel like I'm holding it all. And I'm just realizing this now as I'M recording this podcast. How much has changed since that ceremony? How much I realized, or even asked the question, what is the sacred third? I'm going to start with a podcast, since this was my example. Today around Mother's Day, I was having a unique experience of grief and isolation.
Sarah Tacy [00:03:34]:
And it's not something that I feel daily. It's not a global feeling, but it was deep and somewhat intense that day for a variety of reasons. I went to bed, I had some more dreams, and when I woke up the next morning, I realized how much time I spend teaching over a computer, working on program layouts, and I realized how much I really desire to be in person with people. And I had this vision that I would love to start recording my podcast in person. That it becomes a generative thing for me when I can actually be face to face with people. I'll share a space. When I started looking into the finances of this, of buying a shed that I could put out back, where I could have a room that is both big enough for my office, which doesn't have to be that big, but then big enough to have two people fit within a screen, and then what would it mean to have a videographer? It started to feel like more than I wanted to carry in this moment. And so it's one of those things that I can say, I love the idea that this is something I would like to do, and it's okay that my bigger priority right now is this program I'm about to launch.
Sarah Tacy [00:04:55]:
I can find so many ways to make those points of connection that don't have to be through the podcast. And I could really release it without saying it's a no forever, but just not now. So when I talked to Amber about being on her podcast, she's like, you know what? What if you come down and spend the day and we can hang out, we can go for a walk, we can check in, and then we'll record the podcast live, which I believe maybe was a first for her within her new space. And I was like, yes. And then when I was on Kate Scudder's podcast yesterday, she said, you know what? I just had this retreat here, and people turn the ceremony space into a podcasting space. And I feel like we have so much more to talk about. What if you came back and we did a live podcast together? You could be my first live. And I was like, yes.
Sarah Tacy [00:05:53]:
And I also got to go on Kate Northrop's live. And so I am getting this opportunity of there's something I desire. I don't have a strong attachment to it and I can let it go and I can let it go and really be okay with it. And then I'm getting surprised and delighted, as Bridget Vicksmans would say, like, surprise. And delight me with these opportunities where someone's like, hey, I'm going to try out this thing. And by the way, it's in person. I used to going to birthdays now. I used to love celebrating birthdays.
Sarah Tacy [00:06:27]:
I love celebrating my own. I love celebrating friends. I wanted people to feel seen. I wanted people to feel as special as they are to me. When I found out a friend was going to be by herself on her 40th birthday, I was like, I'm taking you out, right? And it was just this intimate dinner that we had. The next year I threw her a 41st birthday all themed up. And it was a surprise party and it was amazing. And then a different friend who when it comes to physicality is so intense, but has also this amazing humor and also the softness and also this depth.
Sarah Tacy [00:07:08]:
And so as we were all joining to do this like 6am workout together, I brought tutus and hats and balloons and we did workouts where it was like tossing, like if you're thinking of being on a plank and you hit the balloon up and then your partner tries to hit it back so you're in a plank, but you're also doing one arm lifting at a time or you're in crab pose and doing the same thing. We came up with a whole series of like really fun ways to have this intensity and these. I threw a different friend a 40th birthday party. When I was 13, I threw two of my friends a surprise party. I throwing surprise parties for my husband. And then every year on my birthday I would gather friends for my birthday and it just felt natural. Like, oh, I just wanna. I love celebrating.
Sarah Tacy [00:07:53]:
And my husband would generally do the cooking for my birthday and people would just come over and gather for brunch or whatever it was. And after my 40th birthday, I just think I hit a wall. We went big. It was great. I had some friendship wobbles and it just didn't feel like anything I wanted to do anymore. And so on my birthday, I think it was maybe last year, I had my sister come over and help me with QuickBooks because it was actually what I was most into at the time. Like, I want to get my planets together. And then my parents came over for dinner and a few friends stopped over just for dessert after dinner.
Sarah Tacy [00:08:37]:
But it felt so good to say, oh, Today, I'm not hosting anybody, and I'm just gonna meet these little needs. And I love that it's low key and it feels so good. And so I put it down. And I put it down without expecting that anybody would pick it up. And then this year, doing the same thing, a friend then pointed out, hey, wait, we're in a full moon ceremony. It's Sarah's birthday on Tuesday. She helped to, you know, she made reservations, she contacted different friends, found babysitter care, and together, my friends put together this, like, last minute dinner out that I was not expecting, that I did not need. And it felt amazing.
Sarah Tacy [00:09:26]:
It felt amazing to put something down without the expectations that somebody would pick it up, but to really simplify my life in these ways that I didn't have the energy or desire to invest. And then, yeah. And I'll just say, like, that night was also like, oh, my husband and my best friend's husband set up a retreat for the two of us at Kripalu, right in between our two birthdays. And these other friends I had been really wanting to see, but they live all over the country, happened to line something up right after my birthday too, in New York City. And one person planned all of the restaurants and one person planned the hotel stay. And I just had to book my flight. And again, I was like, holy smokes, this is turning out to be the most epic birthday week or two. And again, I just got to keep showing up.
Sarah Tacy [00:10:18]:
I'm going to give one more example, and this one comes into business and into life, which is that when I was also in the ceremony space. So this was Sarah Jenks's council that I was a part of. I was really in this, in between what is the sacred third, between holding it all together and chaos. And the word that came through was presence, but it felt too stale. I'm like, I got presents and spades. What's the next thing where. What would it look like if Eros had a baby with presence, If Eros and presence dance together? So Eros is that, like, creative, sensual energy that is generative, that runs through us. And the word juice came up and I was like, oh, that's my word.
Sarah Tacy [00:11:12]:
Because I don't think I'm the juiciest person out there, but I know that it's a part of me that I would like to amplify. It's a way I would be so curious to see the world in. It's like I'm going to host a retreat in my backyard, which is like a total oasis and it's going to be called Juice, and they're going to be 30 to 50 women. And then I'm like, oh, I got to get a tent. And then I have to get a separate tent for food and who's going to cater? And at some point, and I invited Jenny M. Yoder to do the breathwork and Jenny Muir to bring us through movement. And these are, like, super juicy women in my life. And at some point, I realized this is really big.
Sarah Tacy [00:11:52]:
And I think that it will matter for some of you listening that just because I was moved for something and just because it sounded like good medicine to me doesn't mean that I needed to immediately be the provider of it for everybody else. And not that anybody was even asking me to, right? So it was like, oh, okay, so these two friends could just come to my house and we could just drop in together, and I can feed my soul and I can get you stuff so that when I am leading or teaching, I'm not needing that to be my source. I can be overflowing when I teach, because I am opting into pleasure. I am opting into choice. I am opting into juicy relationships. I am opting into depth. I am opting out of the urgency of I must create something, and I must align all these things, and I got to opt into choice of no. I am going to stay focused on the one launch that I am so passionate about, and then the rest of it's for me.
Sarah Tacy [00:13:10]:
And the wildest thing happened. I put down the Juice retreat. Those friends still came over and stayed with me for five days. That's so good. And my friend Laura Sprinkle, who is the owner of Rootable, which is an incredible affiliate program. It's the software for affiliates. She hosted a network event in Maine for 40 people. It had many acres of land.
Sarah Tacy [00:13:39]:
It had a stream to swim in. The people that she attracted all over the states and down into Mexico were the most incredible humans. And it did not have a networky feeling. It was the juiciest retreat, one of the juiciest retreats I've ever been on. And this woman who I was like, oh, I'm going to support my friend by going. She spent months curating this event. And so again, I put it down, and somebody else was already doing it for their community. And then I got to be the recipient.
Sarah Tacy [00:14:18]:
Of course, I paid and I had my ticket, right? But I got to be the recipient of her passion and her energy, Energy and her creativity and her community. It didn't have to be the Provider again. And I think as women, and I'm sure as men, too, but I can speak from my experience a little bit more directly that there are often times that we can take on the role of energetic provider, of giving others what has helped us. Almost like before we've really even received the medicine all the way. And I just keep being in awe that over and over again this year, as I have resourced myself, as I have said, you know what? I can make this thing simpler. And those things that I used to love doing, it's okay if I don't want to do them anymore and to feel fully, fully, truly good with my answer, with my decision, then the bonus that it seems to be that as I'm putting things down, others are picking it up and not picking it up. Like, I'm not doing my laundry. You need to do my laundry, right? It's like, no, this is their passion project.
Sarah Tacy [00:15:37]:
This is the thing that's going to bring them alive. And then I'm getting to come as a guest who brings my whole self, who brings my energy, who brings my gratitude, who brings my ability to see and reflect back somebody else's genius, and I get to offer myself in those ways and receive and receive and receive. And so if this is helpful at all, my inquiry to you. As we opt out of loops that we have been engaged in, as we opt out of people pleasing, as we opt out of giving before we have filled our well, as we opt out of complexity, or this idea that we must do more, as we opt out of its tradition. So I have to do it again. As we keep tuning into what is real. As we keep tuning into what is real for me now, what would you put down? What thing feels real that you can put down? And someone might be like, okay, but I have to bring my kid to school. We get to question it.
Sarah Tacy [00:16:46]:
Like, show me what other options there are. Like, is there carpooling? Is there? Right? We can do that. But, like, let's start simpler. Maybe you start within your business. Is it 100% true that this launch has to start at this time? Is it 100% true that I need to do in person and this or whatever the thing is, it could be personal, it could be with friendships. Are there any patterns that you say, you know, this year I'm just, I love the idea of just putting a pause on it. Like, I put pause on my podcast. Oh, that's another one.
Sarah Tacy [00:17:21]:
Holy smokes. January, when I was like, oh, I'm creating so much content for my resource course, where I every single day have a video and audio and a write up of a 10 minute integration meditation that to do that plus my live calls. I'm going to take a pause from the podcast. So everyone tells me I can't. Everyone says, if you want want this to be real, if you want it to matter, you cannot take a pause. You have to produce weekly. And I took a pause. And what happened? I've been on a guest on over 20 podcasts that other people are preparing for our episode.
Sarah Tacy [00:17:59]:
Other people are paying to produce it. Other people are lovingly creating space. Other people are sending it to their, their followers, their listeners. Holy smokes. How amazing is that? For two years, be the one that will say, I'll hold this space. I'll do the research, I'll read the bios, I'll get the information together. I'll work with my editor. So great, because I felt the urge and it felt true.
Sarah Tacy [00:18:32]:
And then to be able to pause and then to be able to receive, it's been so sweet. And so here I am starting the podcast back up again after waiting for a real urge, for something that says, okay, well, thank you for listening in. It feels like magic. And I know that all stages in life don't feel like magic. And I know that sometimes when we're less resourced and the demands are higher, the idea of putting anything down can feel condescending and insulting. And in those times, again, my mentor would just say, just throw it out there, surprise and delight me. And I would be surprised and delighted. But sometimes it would take three to six months for this new possibility to arise.
Sarah Tacy [00:19:21]:
Whereas in a more resourced state, sometimes it's like the next day the miracle happens. I really appreciate you. Thank you for tuning in. Here's to a life with more choice, more presence, and tuning into what feels real now, what feels true now. Thank you for tuning in. It's been such a pleasure. If you're looking for added support, I'm offering a program that's totally free called 21 Days of Untapped Support. It's pretty awesome.
Sarah Tacy [00:20:01]:
It's very easy. It's very helpful. You can find it@SarahTacey.com and if you love this episode, please subscribe. And like, apparently it's wildly useful. So we could just explore what happens when you scroll down to the bottom, subscribe rate, maybe say a thing or two. If you're not feeling it, don't do it. It's totally fine. I look forward to gathering with you again.
Sarah Tacy [00:20:27]:
Thank you so much.