122 - Wendy Snyder: When Parenting Breaks You Open

In this episode of Threshold Moments, Sarah Tacy sits down with parenting educator and family life coach Wendy Snyder to explore a transformative shift in how we understand children’s behavior, nervous system regulation, and the dynamics of power in the parent-child relationship.

Wendy introduces a radically different framework for parenting strong-willed children; moving away from punishment, shame, and control, and toward connection, compassion, and what she calls “democratic firm and kind parenting.”

Together, Sarah and Wendy unpack what it really means when a child resists, pushes back, or escalates—and how those moments can be seen not as defiance, but as communication.

They also explore how parenting becomes a mirror for our own nervous system patterns, why repair matters more than perfection, and how breaking generational cycles often requires both courage and practice in real-time, imperfect moments.

In This Episode, We Explore:

• What “strong-willed” actually means (and why it’s often misunderstood)

• The difference between authoritarian, permissive, and democratic parenting

• Why misbehavior is often communication—not defiance

• How nervous system regulation changes parenting responses

• Tools for dissolving power struggles without punishment or shame

• Why repair after rupture is essential for both parent and child development

• How children learn emotional intelligence through modeled conflict resolution

• What it looks like to raise kids who can take responsibility without fear

• Sibling conflict as a skill-building opportunity, not a problem to eliminate

About the Guest:

Wendy Snyder is a Certified Positive Parenting Educator, Family Life Coach, and founder of Fresh Start Family, where she helps families ditch fear-based discipline and raise strong, emotionally healthy kids with compassion and confidence. Through her podcast, courses, and coaching programs, she’s guided thousands of parents to break painful generational cycles and create homes rooted in connection, peace, and purpose. She is the author of the upcoming book Fresh Start Your Family: Powerful Parenting to Restore Peace in Your Home. Wendy lives in Southern California with her husband Terry—her high school sweetheart—and their two kids, where they’re rewriting their own family legacy, one grace-filled day at a time.

Episode Transcript:

Sarah Tacy: [00:00:00] Welcome to Threshold Moments. Today we have with us Wendy Snyder, who is a parenting educator and family life coach, who introduces a groundbreaking and grace-filled shift to stop viewing misbehavior as something to punish, and instead as communication to decode, drawing from her own experience raising a strong-willed child, and over a decade of coaching thousands of families, Wendy helps parents rewire reactive habits, calm their nervous systems, and lead with confidence and compassion instead of fear force or shame.

Sarah Tacy: Welcome, Wendy.

Wendy Snyder: Thank you for having me, Sarah. I am so honored to be here and really excited to have this conversation today.

Sarah Tacy: I am so happy to have you when you reached out. To let me know that you have a book coming out and would [00:01:00] there be a match for this podcast? It was such an immediate yes for me, which is so fun, you know, because, you know, I get, I get a number of emails for the podcast, and so just to have something that's such a clear yes to me to know that this will be of such high service to our listeners.

Sarah Tacy: And then selfishly, myself being a mother of two, uh, I wanna say little kids, but now, you know, six and 10, maybe put some into that middle age.

Yeah.

Sarah Tacy: Um, and then I'll let the listeners know that you and I have overlapped for a few years. We've seen each other in the nervous system portal through relaxed money and at live events, and I've been on your podcast.

Sarah Tacy: Yes. And so now we get to, you know, flip the script here and I get to ask some questions and I am really excited to just learn more about what you do. [00:02:00] I actually, I'm gonna say one more thing. It's like, as I was introducing you to my membership group Juice, who they have an opportunity to come on and hear these things earlier and sometimes be live guests.

Sarah Tacy: During the interview I was like, she's changing things from authoritative parenting to, I was like, I don't know, would it be more democratic? It's probably not that. And I was, I was trying to kinda like, find the right words. So this would be a good time for me to pass it over to you to say like, what is it that you do?

Sarah Tacy: And then I'll get to ask you a question about the threshold into that.

Wendy Snyder: Yes. Oh, I love this. I'm so excited for this conversation and we're gonna speak to in a minute, authoritative versus authoritarian and autocratic versus democratic firm and kind. So we're gonna get there. Great. I love that. Um, but yeah.

Wendy Snyder: Hello listeners and Sarah's community. I'm Wendy. I am a powerful parenting educator and family life coach, and [00:03:00] this work has changed my life. When I started parenting, uh, 18 years ago, Sarah, I have officially have an adult child. You know a lot about her journey and I can share a little bit about her story today, but I just thought I was gonna be so good with kids and I had already always worked with kids.

Wendy Snyder: I was a springboard diving coach from a young age. I nannied in college and. My husband and I were like, yeah, this is gonna be easy 'cause Wendy just knows what she's doing. And then I just got blessed with the strongest willed child on the planet and when she was about three, I lost my mind and um, was like, what is happening?

Wendy Snyder: Why is this so hard? She was in timeouts 50 times a day and I found this beautiful body of work, which we do refer to as democratic firm and kind parenting. And it's just that middle ground between two firm and two kind, which is permissive parenting. And just to be able to really root down into strategies that are relationship [00:04:00] based.

Wendy Snyder: Firm and kind. Um, we replace punishment with compassionate discipline. We react, we replace reactive parenting with responsive nervous system, regulated parenting. Um, we eliminate shame from our lives, which really just keeps us stuck and doesn't do anything to make us behave better tomorrow. As parents, we eliminate hypocrisy from our homes.

Wendy Snyder: So we actually are telling our kids to do the same things that we are modeling. And if we're not modeling it yet, then we have the humility. We see humility as a superpower here. We have the humility to raise our hands and say, oh, maybe I need some help to stop, um, reacting in this way so I can then really with true integrity, help my child stop reacting in this way.

Wendy Snyder: And so, yeah, this, this work just changed my life. We did a full 180 from the things that we were doing with Stella, her first few years of life. Because everyone and their uncle had told us, just show her whose boss. Don't be afraid to hit that kid. And um, there was a lot of like really [00:05:00] creepy air quotes, so-called Christian material that I now realize is the farthest thing from true Christianity.

Wendy Snyder: Um, but we did the full 180 and this work changed our life and it really led me to have the relationship of my dreams with my daughter. And both of my kids. But, um, I think it just changed the way I see everything, not just my children, but the way I see the world. I know that if it wasn't for Stella and like the really, um, the challenging or, you know, personality that I used to see her as, I would not be the teacher that I am today.

Wendy Snyder: Um, and that's all the things I write about in this book. And. It's, it's, um, it's just been really fun to see the full gamut of the work, right? So it's like, I started when she was three, she's 18 now, and you know, Sarah, she, because of this work, we were able to support her all these years to build up her strong will instead of break it.

Wendy Snyder: And so now she has been [00:06:00] able to reach her dream to become a division one beach volleyball athlete, and she'll be headed off to school in a few months to play ball for a team that's ranked, um, in the top 10 in the nation. And we'll speak to that maybe in a little bit because the biggest win there is that it's a healthy team and that we were able to support her with this dream and also be healthy, which is something I've realized in my family.

Wendy Snyder: Lineage isn't always there. Like the grind was always there. Yeah. But the health wasn't always there.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah.

Wendy Snyder: Um, and then so that's kind of the, in a nutshell, what I do and I help parents all over the world. We have a worldwide membership. Uh, we have a podcast. And I also have a certification program. So parents who fall in love with this work and decide that they wanna spread this goodness into the world, either by volunteering at their church or their school system as a certified coach, or going on to maybe even create a, a, a business like my own, where they're actually having coaching clients and helping them go, as we usually say, from stressed and frazzled to [00:07:00] peaceful and empowered.

Wendy Snyder: And then, so, so that's the body of work. And then Sarah, I'll speak to the terms. Yeah.

Sarah Tacy: Before we get to the terms, I feel like there are so many places that I wanna stop along the way. Totally. I like, we just like went on like a, a train ride. I'm like, oh, there are so many. Like, this is, it's good. It like widens the perspective.

Sarah Tacy: And if I could go back to like your first sentence when you said, and then I had a strong-willed child. I'm wondering if we could start there and after that you said, and then I, at three years old, I nearly lost it. And so I would love to start with what is a strong-willed child? I, I know that like mine has taught me so much and Dr.

Sarah Tacy: Becky has like, you know, like all of these people who are like, I thought I knew and I thought, yeah. So can you describe to us what a strong-willed child is?

Wendy Snyder: Yes. God, I love strong-willed children so much, and they really have a way to bring us to our knees and stretch us and invite us into the [00:08:00] most profound healing if you accept the invitation, because many, many, many times they are a mirror in many, many ways.

Wendy Snyder: We often joke that the apple doesn't fall far. I had one of my neighbors tell that to me when Stella was in that phase where she was literally melting down in the middle of the street and I was so embarrassed and I was just like, somebody tell me how to fix this kid. And my neighbor, who is still in my neighbor to this day, she's like 75 now, and she was a preschool teacher.

Wendy Snyder: And she, um, had a conference one day where she was like, these parents, they're just not quite getting it, Wendy, that the apple does not fall far. And she looked at me and she laughed. And I did not like that analogy back then because I was like, no, this kid, this kid's out of control and she won't do what I tell her.

Wendy Snyder: And she is, you know, opinionated and defiant. And surprise, surprise, years later I realized, oh, she's literally my mini me. But strong-willed kids in a nutshell, they, they, you can often feel it from a very young age and. [00:09:00] All kids. The base needs that we teach here at First Start family is all human beings have the need to feel powerful.

Wendy Snyder: But the strong-willed human, that is one of their, that pretty much is their strongest need. So all day long, they're consistently trying to fill this bucket to feel powerful and we come alongside them and teach them how to do that in healthy ways, not unhealthy ways. But the strong-willed child is, is traditionally, um, you know, you can feel it from a very young age.

Wendy Snyder: Many kids go into power surges season, so that's from two to six. And then usually the tween and teen years where they're gonna just push for independence more, they're gonna challenge authority, they're gonna present more defiance. And that's just normal part of human development. But the strong-willed child, again, you can feel it consistently throughout their life like that in the categories of misbehavior that they, we teach.

Wendy Snyder: That is the category that's gonna show up the most, which is power struggles. So there usually fiercely competitive. They're often, they challenge the status [00:10:00] quo, like it's their day job. Um, they often are very sensitive. They often have huge justice buttons. Like Stella literally could not play a board game till she was like nine.

Wendy Snyder: I remember the day we played a board game for the first time and she didn't freak out on someone or something that it was unfair or something, and she was like nine or something. Um, but they're, they have huge justice buttons. They care deeply about equality and equity and making sure everything is fair.

Wendy Snyder: They often feel very, very deeply, right? So they feel joy intensely, they feel, um, hurt and scared and angry deeply. They feel, they feel like suffering, even like sensitive, skin sensitive, like. Um, you know, in their body on a lot of things. Like if Stella got a cut when she was four, it would literally was like the end of the world.

Wendy Snyder: She got the flu growing up, we, she thought she was gonna die cramps as a teenager. Like, just was [00:11:00] heartbreaking. 'cause she feels so deeply. Um, and then these kids are often just natural leaders. I always say that they often are our future leaders and they're the ones who can hop up on a stage quite easily.

Wendy Snyder: Stella started drumming when she was a kindergarten. She became a prominent drummer, um, was playing Metallica and Black Sabbath and Slayer proficiently by the time she was 15 years old. And, and really the, the drummer is the leader of the band. You think it's the lead singer, but it's actually the drummer.

Wendy Snyder: And she just was very comfortable on stages as always. Right. So those, that's a little bit about strong-willed kids. And the thing I will finish with is saying that. You know, it's so interesting because in society we often look down on these kids because they present as such pains when they're, they're younger.

Wendy Snyder: Um, and we use these words like defiant, disobedient, naughty, fixed, um, fixated or, um, resistant def, you know, all those, all those things. But then when you look at [00:12:00] like, some of the greatest world leaders that have done tremendous things in the world, whether it's my big, big ones are always Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Jr.

Wendy Snyder: Greta Thunberg, you know, like Malala Yui, Jesus is on my list. We use words that are often the synonyms, but they are respectful, right? So, um, you know, driven. Very, like conscious humans, um, will often say that they are incredibly committed, bold, non-conforming, um, brave, courageous. Like we, it's the same thing.

Wendy Snyder: We just celebrate it in a world leader and we knock it and get irritated af about it when it's in a young child. But it is, it is usually the same kind of human that goes on to do really great things in the world. And all humans have such a beautiful purpose. [00:13:00] Not everyone is meant to be a leader on a world stage that does beautiful things for the world or you know, a drummer or whatever.

Wendy Snyder: Um, so the more mild children, they have beautiful purposes too. Um, but the strong-willed child, that's kind of how they usually present. And when you learn to just see it as a blessing and sometimes a mirror and learn to love yourself, you often learn to love them more. Yeah.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah.

Wendy Snyder: Strong-willed kids.

Sarah Tacy: Thank you.

Sarah Tacy: I just feel like you described my first child to tee. Oh yeah. And she, I just wanna say that she has been a teacher to me in the way of, the way I understood myself as a child is that I, I understand that I was like an easy birth and I was an easy baby. And for one year of my life, from like two and a half to three and a half, I, it was hard.

Sarah Tacy: And that then I was like an easy kid. And I remember how good it felt when parents were like, wow, your child is [00:14:00] so polite. And I remember, um, just like how good it felt to like do something for my parents and feel the gratitude. My, my older brother and and mother got into it more and I was like, I don't want that.

Sarah Tacy: I want this.

Wendy Snyder: Yeah.

Sarah Tacy: And I have always felt like a pretty calm person who can like, come into. Hard scenarios and not take it personally. And like, I just like really thought with parenting and with like a little kid that I'd like, okay, I can breathe through this. I can see that it's not personal. I can this and that.

Sarah Tacy: And when you said that a strong willed child can bring you to your knees

Wendy Snyder: Yeah.

Sarah Tacy: So humbled. So humbled and I think, so I'm gonna tell a brief story just when you said, you can tell early on, um, when I used to change Sophia's diapers when she was a baby, she would protest so [00:15:00] hard that sometimes she would hold her breath and pass out.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah. Like start seizing and pass out.

Wendy Snyder: Oh.

Sarah Tacy: And it's so scary. And when I talked to her pediatrician, she's like, some kids do this, just like tap her on the solar plexus and try to break like that. But, and I remember thinking, I was like, is this what it's like with like guard, like angels? Like, are they like, I'm trying to change your shit.

Sarah Tacy: Like, why are you fighting me? Like, why is she fighting me? I'm just trying to help her. Um, and like even like just to like get her in a car seat, I'm like, I'm just not gonna buy toilet paper for the family because like, the act of getting her into it. And then when my second child, uh, came and she just like put her legs up and I changed her diaper, I was like, oh, this is different.

Sarah Tacy: And oh, I can just put you in a, into a car seat. Um, and the other thing was Sophia's range. Even at a couple weeks old, I remember her [00:16:00] laying there sleeping and she went through about 20 different facial gestures and I was like, oh, she just did the whole range of human experience in 20 seconds and. And she can feel this whole range.

Sarah Tacy: And so what I found in me was that I was so comfortable in the middle range of calm or happy.

Wendy Snyder: Hmm.

Sarah Tacy: But I hadn't myself met those same places of rage or anger or power or protest. Like the things that she met I hadn't met yet.

Wendy Snyder: Wow. Yeah.

Sarah Tacy: And so it's like brought up for me like, can I meet those places in a way that's non-harmful?

Sarah Tacy: But even just to be able to like, and I also think about when you talk about people naming something as powerful verse outta control is in the parenting role, [00:17:00] we might sometimes confuse our role with needing to control. Like, I need to get them here by this time. I do need to keep them outta the, like, my kids outta the street.

Sarah Tacy: Like

Wendy Snyder: I absolutely

Sarah Tacy: my job to keep them safe core beliefs

Wendy Snyder: of all parents, right? You need to control your kid, otherwise you're failing.

Sarah Tacy: And so like a strong-willed child will be like, no. And when you said one of their, their highest needs is to show their power or to be in power,

Wendy Snyder: to feel powerful. Yeah,

Sarah Tacy: to feel powerful.

Sarah Tacy: I thought about it this morning when I said to Sophia, I was like, you, you said you wanted to take a shower last night. This, this morning. And she's like, well, now that you said it, I'm not doing it

Wendy Snyder: right.

Sarah Tacy: But it's just like, she feels so good when she chooses it on her own.

Wendy Snyder: Yeah.

Sarah Tacy: And the moment that we say like, can you brush your teeth?

Sarah Tacy: Can you like any of that? It's like, um, and so can you help me, like for the things that feel, um, important, [00:18:00] like hygiene, brushing, teeth. How to be able to hold that without it being a power struggle while with a big, and, and, and everything else that you said about like, big feeling children, like being a leader and uh, physically feeling things that other people aren't feeling is all true.

Sarah Tacy: But for that, for that element, when there are things that we are moving towards, whether it's getting out of the house or something simple like brushing teeth, how do you navigate that?

Wendy Snyder: She's 10. Yeah,

Sarah Tacy: she's 10.

Wendy Snyder: She's 10. Yeah. So, such a good question. We're gonna, we're gonna come back to that in just a second because I do wanna touch early on in the conversation back to these like terms, right?

Wendy Snyder: So we can understand like how the systems work, and then we can play into like, okay, well what tools are within this system? But the first thing you have to do is like, really decide what [00:19:00] system do you wanna play in, right? And most of us have inherited the systems of the power over or the, our job as parents is to control the child.

Wendy Snyder: And they do what you say, because you said so, like, duh, you get to do whatever you want as the parent because. You're bigger. And that's just the way it is. Like you respect thy author, I as Carmen in South Park says, and that's it, right? Like so, so most of us did inherit the autocratic or authoritarian system, and so these words get a little confusing and the, it's, I hate this because authoritative is actually a little bit, it's more what we're going for.

Wendy Snyder: So authoritative is usually like high boundaries and rules and values, but there's also high warmth. So that tells us, like the way I put that into words is there's lots of connection. Strong relationship. And there's also high boundaries, rules, values. I, you know, people think that this work is permissive, but I'm [00:20:00] actually, I spend a lot of time helping families stick to strong boundaries.

Wendy Snyder: And a lot of people in our community, they have stronger rules and boundaries than other people. And I would say this, the rules and boundaries that our community really goes for are the data, kind of more research backed. What is important as you're raising a human soul to keep them safe and healthy versus the conditioned, um, uh, ideas about like what strong boundaries and rules would be.

Wendy Snyder: Brushing your teeth is a great example. Strong data behind brushing your teeth is like a very important boundary, right? Like, we're gonna brush the damn teeth. Um, but if we go back to just the terms to make sure everyone understands authoritarianism and auto autocratic parenting, as far as a system goes, that is what.

Wendy Snyder: We encourage parents to fully dissent from, and since this is so air quote, stuck in the nervous system, that's probably not the term you would use, Sarah, is it takes so much courage and effort and intention and commitment, and it is a long-term [00:21:00] game to fully dissent from that. And so the classics in the inherited PA parenting toolkit from the autocratic way, and again, most of us were raised like this, like if you got in trouble.

Wendy Snyder: You were gonna get some type of punishment, whether that was a timeout or you got grounded or punishment could also come in terms of like, your parent is just gonna let you know how disappointed they are in you. Because I mean, it is just the tone of disgust and, um, just, ugh, like, why can't you get, be, be better, right?

Wendy Snyder: So there's elements of shame. There's definitely punishment in the mix. Like if you don't do what you're told, then you're not gonna be able to have this or that. Um, there's definitely more of that, like, as I mentioned earlier, the hypocrisy, right? So a parent might be very reactive and be a yeller, but they're gonna punish or shame their child for being reactive or a yeller with their sibling.

Wendy Snyder: Um, and [00:22:00] there's usually a lot of threats, right? So like a lot of, if then if you don't do what you're told, then this is gonna happen to you. Um, if you do do that again, then this will happen to you. There's often pre, you know, there's a mistaken belief that in order to make a a child behave better, we must first make them feel worse.

Wendy Snyder: Enter in the shame the punishment. Corporal punishment is long been a thing in America and the world still legal in 19 school systems in America. Um, yeah, 19 states school, public school systems. Corporal punishment is still legal.

Sarah Tacy: What is that?

Wendy Snyder: So it,

Sarah Tacy: I

Wendy Snyder: don't know. Corporal punishment is spanking hitting kids.

Sarah Tacy: Oh, wow.

Wendy Snyder: Yeah. Yeah. It is still pretty much the way, like a lot of us who are in these circles, we, we don't think that, but autocratic authoritarian parenting, and again, a lot of those families are going to use corporal punishment or at least threaten it pretty hard. That is still the norm. In America. So anyways, we inherit that.

Wendy Snyder: [00:23:00] Right? So it's like there is a danger that comes along with when a child misbehaves, our nervous system gets kind of spiked to remember. Oh yeah. When we had imperfection, when we made a mistake, when we challenged authority, we were met with some type of physical or mental or spiritual intimidation to some degree, because that's how parents of the past got power, right?

Wendy Snyder: So if you puff up, um. Then, you know, if you make a child feel bad about what they've done, then you know, use some tactics and, and they'll be, they'll behave better tomorrow, which long term sustainability doesn't work. And then there's the permissive side of things. So some people are like, no, I didn't grow up in an autocratic authoritarian home.

Wendy Snyder: I grew up in a permissive home where kids just did whatever they want. There wasn't a lot of boundaries. Mom and dad maybe were very uncomfortable with conflict, so they would just try their best to set a boundary and then they would end up just letting kids do whatever they want kind of thing. We see that less often, but that is definitely in [00:24:00] some people's stories.

Wendy Snyder: And then again, right in the middle is what we teach democratic firm and kind parenting where everyone has a voice in the family. There's mutual respect. There is high, high levels of safety. Parents take responsibility for when they get it wrong without shame, but instead, humility, there is, um, learning life skills together.

Wendy Snyder: We see mistakes as opportunities to learn. We see, um, compassionate discipline as a way to teach important life skills versus make a child feel bad about what they've done in the past or scare them not into doing it again. So those are just kind of the systems. And here's the thing, Sarah is the autocratic and authoritarian systems.

Wendy Snyder: They sh they're the same everywhere. So that's like, that's how people gain power. That's how they solve conflict, whether it's in a home or a leadership system in a nation. So once someone is really educated on what the systems look like, you can spot it from a mile away. And then as a parent, you just wanna decide, do [00:25:00] I believe in this system and do I wanna take part in it?

Wendy Snyder: And is this what my, I want my family legacy to be? And if not, and if you're more like, no, I like the idea of a democratic firm and kind system where clearly I'm still gonna maintain firm kind authority in my home because obviously, like we're, we have three decades of experience, we understand, um, things on a greater level than a 5-year-old is.

Wendy Snyder: And we're also completely open to be humbled and to be taught new life skills because children. Are actually incredibly wise and in so many situations, especially when it comes to nervous system stuff, they often will teach us, like especially their first six, seven years of life, they will teach us so much about how to slow down what actually matters in life, right?

Wendy Snyder: Like how to redesign our perspectives to be more like healthy. So we have this, this ability to say, okay, democratic firm and kind system is what I [00:26:00] want. I just don't know how to get there yet. So from that place, Sarah, you would look at, you know, the education on a, around like, well how does a democratic firm in kind society or or family look?

Wendy Snyder: How does it operate? How do we handle mistakes? How do we handle it when we say, Hey, do this, and someone says, no, I don't wanna do that, right? Like, are we gonna move to the, if you don't do it, then this is gonna happen to you, right? Like that's just a choice. And it is the autocratic way. And since it is on in our nervous systems.

Wendy Snyder: We get to learn to like watch ourselves when we are leaning towards that, when you're tempted to just come in with the, what we would call external controls. So that's either gonna be threats and like intimidation or it's gonna be bribery and rewards. Like if you just brush your teeth, I'll, I'll, you know, let you get that, that new toy you want.

Wendy Snyder: You know, like we pull out bribery of all sorts. Um, or it's like if you don't brush your teeth, then [00:27:00] we are not gonna have time to do this and um, whatever. There's lots of threats. So what you're talking about though, in the democratic firm and kind system is power, struggle, misbehavior. It is one of the four categories we teach and it is simply communication.

Wendy Snyder: So misbehavior equals communication in our world. And you have a kid who is communicating to you, mom, I have a desire to feel powerful in this moment. And so you've got lots of choices, right? If you wanna dissent from the old school, inherited stuff. So we teach 10 strategies to dissolve a power struggle with integrity.

Wendy Snyder: And before we even get to the dissolving part, Sarah, we work on actually. Um, what we would call preventing power struggles. And when you have a strong-willed child, you wanna be looking at every day, how can I be making deposits into this? Kid's need to feel powerful account any chance I can get And where can I really like, release my fist and open [00:28:00] them to like see that sharing power with her is actually not dangerous, even though it might feel like that to my nervous system.

Wendy Snyder: And so I have lots of stories that I write of in the book. In the book, Stella was really little one day and she wanted to sell rocks out front. Um, and it was like slightly raining. It was a Monday morning and I was like, that's the stupidest idea in the world. I don't wanna go sit out front with the baby and I know better.

Wendy Snyder: You're not gonna make money selling rock. She's always been a little entrepreneur. And instead, I had been learning about this, like, and I knew, okay, like how can I give her these mini deposits of power? And so I was like, you know what? Sure. Go for it. Design the business, I'll support you, and you tell me what to do.

Wendy Snyder: And she was like, great. And we went out front and we sat there for like an hour and everyone was happy. She sold $17 worth of rocks. There was like a grandma that came by that bought these little gem rocks and she, I swear my memory serves me that she was. So [00:29:00] happy the rest of the day and she behaved well like this.

Wendy Snyder: It just is a great example of, it wasn't me using a power dissolving strategy that made her behave well the rest of the day. It was the deposit into the need to feel powerful account that really like fills these kids up and then their shoulders relax a little bit and they stop pushing back on so much.

Wendy Snyder: So we teach just lots of different ways you can do that. Every kid's gonna present differently, but back to the teeth brushing thing. So once the power struggle actually hits, that's when you have the opportunity to first and foremost step to the side, which we call exiting the dance. So it's like it takes two to tango.

Wendy Snyder: So the first thing you do is you practice your own stop sign or pause button, which is all your work nervous system regulation. You reset your beliefs about your child. The old school belief misbehaving child equals a bad child, equals a bad parent. New belief, misbehaving child equals a communicating child equals an [00:30:00] empowered parent who can redirect with integrity and grace.

Wendy Snyder: And then you choose a tool that would be more connection based. So the one every parent on the planet knows that falls into this category is choices, right? So do you wanna do it fast or do you wanna do it slow? Do you want me to sit on the toilet and just hold your hand while you do it? Or do you wanna do it alone?

Wendy Snyder: Do you wanna do it? Um, little kids love the animal ones, like, do you wanna do it fast like a cheetah or really fast like a racehorse? Now that might not be perfect for teeth brushing because we want 'em to do it slow. So you might be more like, do you wanna do it slow, like a sloth? Or really slow, like a caterpillar, right?

Wendy Snyder: Like they kids learn through play. So, but choices is just one of the 10 that we, we do. Um, there's a, actually there's a reel going around right now that is so funny. That is what I would classify under one of the strategies is do the unexpected and it's where little kids are [00:31:00] melting down and the parent just starts to scream like a random name.

Wendy Snyder: She'll be like, Sally, this is again, do the unexpected. I always would teach it as talk in a Mary Poppins voice. Yeah. Or start singing a song that you love. Um, but this reel is so funny because the kids do they stop?

Sarah Tacy: Yeah.

Wendy Snyder: And they're like, Sally, and they're saying these are little kids, you know, but do the unexpected, um, loving, guidance, friendly action is another one we teach.

Wendy Snyder: Where if she was like, no, I don't wanna brush my teeth, and she goes into her room, um. A friendly action would be like you just grab the toothbrush and you bring it to her and you look her right in her eyes and you put the toothbrush in your hand and you're like, Hey toothbrush, it's time. Like you got this.

Wendy Snyder: That's an example of like connection based communication of like, Hey, I'm not gonna budge on this. We need to get this done and I'm gonna treat you with respect. [00:32:00] 'cause you're not an alien for not wanting to brush your teeth. Mm-hmm. Right. Um, friendly action is, or, uh, loving guidance is slightly different where we get right in between whatever she's doing.

Wendy Snyder: Like if she went to like start a 10, she might, whatever, she's organizing her desk and like her little Sephora products, I dunno if she's into skincare yet, and you get like right in between her and her products and you're just like, Hey teeth. And then we do this like very, like, you have her hand and you like you're not pushing her back, but you're slightly guiding, but you're with her and you're.

Wendy Snyder: It's time teeth, right? Like it's just a little bit different than friendly action. That's called loving guidance. Those are just some examples there, but you get the gist is like, and then one, one more I'll give you Sarah, is our four step firm and kind process, which would fall into this category too, where ahead of time we make strong agreements with our kids about why we brush our teeth, like why it's so important.

Wendy Snyder: We might show them some pictures of what cavities look like, um, [00:33:00] why prevention is always like the best thing. And it's not to scare them, it's to really educate them. Like agreements are a thing that we teach versus compliance statements. They're very different. Compliance statements is like you brush your teeth at night or else something bad's gonna happen, right?

Wendy Snyder: Agreements is like, Hey, let me explain to you like why the way teeth are designed, how food affects them. Does that make sense to you? Why you would wanna brush your teeth? That's an agreement. So in this moment when she's pushing back, then you would go into the next three steps. Like clockwork. First one is empathy.

Wendy Snyder: It's just like, hey, I get it. No wonder. Mm-hmm. Like I said, I was gonna wash my face every day this year and it's like six days into this year and last night I went to bed with my makeup on. Like I get it, like sometimes you just don't wanna do the self-care stuff. Like you make sense to me and then it's like, Anne, what was our agreement?

Wendy Snyder: And then you wait. You let their critical thinking skills engage. You don't tell 'em you wait. Okay, cool. So you are right. [00:34:00] I know. And they might say it with an attitude. Uh, it's like, yeah, yeah. So do you wanna do it? And then you give 'em a choice. Do you wanna do it A or B, do you wanna do it now or do you wanna do it in five minutes?

Wendy Snyder: Like I can bend with parameters. That's another one on our list. I'm happy to like give you five minutes. I'll go wash, do my stuff and I'll be back. Which one do you want? Do you wanna do it now or do you wanna do it in five minutes so you can see like that's a little example of a strategy that like we call on that when you do that consistently with kids, they move to action much faster.

Wendy Snyder: And you can see you're not relying on the old school stuff. Like do it or else.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah. Do you, when people are learning this through your course, do you have parents acted out with one another or, here's what I'm thinking. It's the same thing as when I trained athletes. You practice the things when you're in a slightly more activated state [00:35:00] because sometimes reading something like, I'm hearing everything you're saying, like, this is so great and I wish I just had an earpiece in and you could talk me through any time that there was a sibling conflict or a feeling like, oh, we need to get out of here, but this thing hasn't been completed.

Sarah Tacy: Um. And I'm thinking about how when we, whatever state our physiology is in, is generally the place that we pull memories and strategies from.

Wendy Snyder: Yeah.

Sarah Tacy: So if I'm listening to you and I'm in a very regulated place and I feel very comfortable and I hear all this, it's so great and I can imagine that it would be harder to enact in the moment.

Sarah Tacy: And I'm wondering if through, um, like practice reps of like role playing is ever something that you do with parents. Um, I just actually have so many questions here, but that's [00:36:00] just a quick a quickie.

Wendy Snyder: Yep. I love this question. And yes, two, two answers to this. A we do have, we used to call 'em hot seats. Now we call them lounge chair once a month in our, in our membership where we do this, we practice, right?

Wendy Snyder: So it's like someone will come on and I'll be the kid. I swear, Sarah, that I was an actress in my past life because I can turn it on. Like I am such a good, annoying kid and I can like jab so hard. And, and my goal really is when I'm doing those sessions is to trigger. And then what I love about those is you have the added embarra, like possible embarrassment of being in front of a a, um.

Wendy Snyder: A group and also the conditioning of like, uh, oh, I don't know the answer and I'm gonna look dumb. So it, it's the perfect flare up. And as you said, when you practice in that, those moments of like, oh God, I am, I, I feel it, [00:37:00] people are watching me. I feel the pressure, I'm a little activated. And you get the practice of doing it.

Wendy Snyder: It really helps. And I will say a lot of people just can't quite get themselves there yet. Right. So in our private sessions, which are more rare for me because we have a, we have a high level certification program where I do privates, but for the most part, I don't, that's the opportunity in our membership.

Wendy Snyder: But here's what I'll say about practicing. In real life, what we do is we get parents really comfortable with failure.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah, I was Was guessing.

Wendy Snyder: Yeah, you were guessing where I was going.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah.

Wendy Snyder: It's like, gosh, it feels so yucky in the moment when you're just like, oh, I don't remember any of this. And you feel it growing, right?

Wendy Snyder: It's like, I'm gonna threaten, I'm gonna do it. Know. And your little devil voice is like, don't do it. Don't do it, Sarah. You know, Sarah, she would say, Wendy, they, and you're like, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. And then you're like, damn it brush her. And I'm a cursor. So it's like, still, after 15 years of doing this, [00:38:00] I, this is what happens to me.

Wendy Snyder: I just cursed at my son. Like a month ago. I was getting frauded on the phone by the bank story for another day, Sarah. But I'm not gonna make excuses. I cursed at him and I yelled at him because he had left a wrapper on the couch and the dog ate it. But you feel it. You feel it rising. And then you. Do the thing that you swore you weren't gonna do, you couldn't remember in the moment.

Wendy Snyder: And then the aftermath of that is just as important, in my opinion, to the nervous system reconditioning and rewiring as getting it perfect the right time or the first time. So like for me, in that situation, it's like I was able to go back to my son and be like, wow, gosh, that was not you. Thank you for your grace with me.

Wendy Snyder: You did not deserve that. Here's what I realized was happening inside my body. Here's the makeup, right? I bought him these little juices for as mini fridge. Like, I want you to understand this is something I'm working on. Here's the next steps that I'm gonna continue [00:39:00] to repave these, these wires, um, in my nervous system.

Wendy Snyder: 'cause clearly reactivity is still there a little bit, even after reducing it by like 95%. Um, so I just always tell my students that, yeah, it is, it's a lot when you're in the moment and this stuff is new, but it helps to have printouts, right? Like that list of 10 things. Um, it just, the more consistency you can have and then the aftermath of coming and asking the question of like, okay, here's what happened.

Wendy Snyder: It didn't go so well. I couldn't remember in the mor in the moment, the strategy. Then you have someone who has compassion with, comes beside you and is like, Hey, hey, you at least did this. You find one little thing that even if you took a breath for two seconds, whereas before you reacted in zero, celebrate it, and then make a plan for the next time and win when that situation is really like recent in your body.

Wendy Snyder: Like that's a good way to do it. That [00:40:00] doesn't. Mean that you have to have the practice on the front end, if that makes sense.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah, that makes so much sense. I know that I also teach that in my course, just the the power of repair and not being perfect because I'm sure that's just as important for a child to experience for their own growing and being an adult and being in a relationship where you might get into conflict and the hardest thing might be like, oh, I might not have showed up the way I wanted to in that conversation and to like see parents reflect that.

Sarah Tacy: I didn't see my parents fight a lot, and it didn't mean that they didn't have disagreements, they didn't do it in front of us. And as an adult I'm like, oh wait, I am not sure I know how to come through this conflict with my husband because although they did the kind thing of, Hey, we'll do this on our own time, I'm also like, wait, I didn't see repairs happen.

Sarah Tacy: And so I still feel like [00:41:00] I'm growing in learning how to do that in, not in a friendship, but in a marriage. And so doing this with children as well, I feel like is a great way to see how to work through hard moments when, when I would say like, it's like our amygdala gets hot and suddenly we don't have access to our prefrontal cortex.

Sarah Tacy: And if the wiring isn't set to do those 10 things, it just goes back to what it knew any other time that it got hot.

Wendy Snyder: Yeah.

Sarah Tacy: You know,

Wendy Snyder: which is why I love the technology thing. As we were getting on this call, we had to reset Zoom and you were like, Hey, the recording's not happening, the button's not there.

Wendy Snyder: And it, you know, it was great practice to be able to be like, and I'm safe. Like the thoughts, you know, holding space for all the thoughts of like, uhoh, I'm a podcaster. I should have a system that works. What if my students and my, like my guest or, and then it's like, oh no. This is like not a four alarm fire.

Wendy Snyder: This is [00:42:00] actually totally okay. Like I can regulate. Mm-hmm. As I push, restart, I can actually practice a tool. Like just, it's, so find the moments where you can practice. 'cause it's all the same, right? Like creating the space between stimulus and response, whether it's the technology or whether it's the kids saying no to brushing their teeth.

Wendy Snyder: A lot of it just comes down to creating that safety that like, it's okay to slow down to get yourself into like your prefrontal cortex, which is where the, the creativity lives like, and that's. What you did when you needed to restart the zoom today, you were like, okay, what are my options? Right? Like, but you had to signal the safety first.

Sarah Tacy: Mm-hmm.

Wendy Snyder: Then you were able to be like, okay, well I could restart, I could shut down, I could log back in and then boom, we come back. It worked. Problem solved. So I, I like using any area that I can get to practice the same thing. 'cause it feels different, but it's actually the same. Same.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah. Thanks [00:43:00] for pointing that out.

Sarah Tacy: I think that's a really big deal. Like we can practice at when we're driving and there's traffic when we get cut off, there's so many opportunities to practice. Stay the

world.

Sarah Tacy: We're like, is this a fight? Right? Does it need to be a fight? Where can I find my center? How can I signal safety to myself? How do I want to interact with this?

Sarah Tacy: And again, um, my daughter, a different daughter had, uh, an issue at school, and I won't go into the whole thing, but essentially she said to somebody like. Hey, I, I didn't like it when this happened and the person's just like, I didn't do that.

Wendy Snyder: Yep.

Sarah Tacy: And it was interesting 'cause I often say to my children, like, I believe you, like when they're saying, I feel this way, or, but then she said to the little girl, I believe you.

Sarah Tacy: Even though she got pushed, right? Like she felt her body. Yes. And I was like, oh, interesting. How would I handle coming up against a scenario where someone is just like a hard no to my experience or like, or my [00:44:00] request. And I think I'm just so, I'm like, I can't wait to get your book. I feel like I have so much learning to do and I think can help.

I

Wendy Snyder: would riff that one if you got time.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah. I think it could help in all areas. I'm also have a question about like, I know we're at the end of the hour here and I feel like we just began, um, like sibling conflict. Do you have room for that too?

Wendy Snyder: Oh, sibling conflict. Oh my gosh.

Sarah Tacy: There's so much I

Wendy Snyder: wanna ask.

Wendy Snyder: Yeah, I'm gonna try to do these fast. I'm gonna speak to this, this, this other kid first, and then we can touch on sibling. Um, yeah. I just love this work so much because those of us who are doing it, like we really are raising a new kind of human who does not think it's shameful to take responsibility for a mistake who is not afraid to admit fault.

Wendy Snyder: And you can see it so clearly the kids who, um, are raised in a different type of ecosystem, even actually the kids that are raised in this ecosystem. Like I was just working coaching a client this morning where her little kid, she's been in [00:45:00] the work for like two years and, and her little five-year-old is still denying that he's stealing the Easter candy, right?

Wendy Snyder: Like he's, he's clearly like, so it, it's, it's not just, um, but at the same level you can tell there's kids being raised in systems where you just deny it. You just deny it because it feels so dangerous to take responsibility. So on the outside, it's just this really annoying behavior of like, Nope, wasn't me.

Wendy Snyder: I didn't do that. It's basically just a lie. But on the inside, we always try to have compassion, especially for children is like this very fearful child that they're going to get in trouble because they have been conditioned to see mistakes as something that is the precursor to pain and suffering. So of course they're gonna deny it.

Wendy Snyder: Right? Until children over and over again are raised in systems, both at home and in school, where you, you really, it's not about getting in trouble. Of course you're gonna be held [00:46:00] responsible, but it's not done with shame and disconnection and humiliation and intimidation. Then all of a sudden you start to have more humans learning that it's okay to be like.

Wendy Snyder: I did push you and, you know, and then, then you can get to the peaceful conflict resolution point. Um, I came in when Stella was in kindergarten and volunteered in her classroom to teach and we created a peace table and kids within a few months were working out their own problems story for another day.

Wendy Snyder: Um, but then next thing. Okay. Siblings? Yes. I will say this, Sarah, since we're at the top of the hour, is the biggest misconception that we just want parents to dissent from or learn, find courage to know, like release. The belief is that it is our job to make our kids not fight like a good parent would have.

Wendy Snyder: Kids that don't fight. And really we like to change that into our job is actually to teach our [00:47:00] kids how to fight, how to fight fairly, how to fight respectfully, how to stand up for yourself and what you believe in without moving. To hurt. Humiliation. Intimidation, right? And so we always say like, to be able to solve conflicts in a way that respects yourself and others.

Wendy Snyder: So we teach peaceful conflict resolution here. We teach win-wins, which is very simple in theory. It's you teach kids to be like, I feel blank, I want blank. And then the other person goes, and then it's how are we gonna make this work? So we both win. My kids first. First off, did it effectively at age four and seven.

Wendy Snyder: That was the first time they did. It felt like it took 17 years. It actually took about 20 minutes. I thought I was gonna lose my mind. I was like this close to being like, you know what? Forget it. You go to your room, you go to your room. But at the end of peaceful conflict resolution, when kids do it, they are high fiving, they are hugging.

Wendy Snyder: You are not the enemy. And they [00:48:00] realize that they are empowered to. Advocate for what they want and also bend with parameters. And that's the way the world works, right? Like that is, that is how we have to be as human beings. Um, because otherwise you're just gonna become an authoritarian, like, no, you do what I want because I said so otherwise I'll hurt you.

Wendy Snyder: So yeah, that just that simple switch of like, okay, my job is to teach them how to fight fairly, so to speak, instead of how do I get these kids to stop fighting. That's kind of the start. I think it's chapter, um, probably like chapter 20 or something, or 19. Um, we is a full sibling conflict chapter.

Sarah Tacy: I'm very excited for this book and I know, I know I've like now said that three or four times.

Wendy Snyder: Oh, I love

Sarah Tacy: it. The reason why I'm so excited about this is, and I know I literally just said this five minutes ago. I don't know. I [00:49:00] took peaceful parenting, I took hand in hand parenting. Um, my husband and I don't always see clearly. Oh, that's a good question. My husband and I don't always see clearly on what to do when, um, say there's sibling fighting or one's getting really loud and it starts to get physical and we, you know, need to split it up.

Sarah Tacy: Right. But it's like the, the hypocrisy can show up, right? Of like,

Wendy Snyder: yeah,

Sarah Tacy: don't yell, and you're yelling, don't yell or don't push, and you're like pulling somebody away. Um, and again, like I said, even in my marriage and in other things, it is such a learning curve how, like that idea of learning how to fight, it's like in yoga when you're doing handstands, you wanna learn how to fall.

Sarah Tacy: Right. It's not just learning how to stick the pose, but also when you come outta center or in nervous system work, not just only calm, but when we get to our end ranges, [00:50:00] how do we stick with that? How do we resource ourselves enough to stay with it? And so I know that I have more room for growth and I'm really excited to learn more about this.

Sarah Tacy: And for me it would even be like, how do I stay with intensity without going into a freeze? Or which would include like dissociating or wanting to step away, or sometimes even like breathing so that I'm like, but like kind of moving away from it. How do I stay in a place of power and compassion and connection?

Sarah Tacy: Right? Power, not power over, but like power with So. I'm excited about this 'cause I think it could be beneficial to all areas of life. And maybe that last question might be if you are with a partner who's less interested in this. Oh shoot. Wendy, I have two questions. It's the partner question. Yeah,

Wendy Snyder: take your time.

Sarah Tacy: Okay. Yeah, [00:51:00] I Good. It's the partner question and it's also, maybe it's more of a statement than a question. Just how much it can feel like an experiment when you are breaking up a generational pattern when you're parenting a way that you haven't seen done before.

Wendy Snyder: Yes.

Sarah Tacy: And it's like. It feels like a big experiment.

Sarah Tacy: So maybe that's just a statement.

Wendy Snyder: Okay. Let me speak to both. Let me speak to that one first. Okay. And then I'll come back to the spouse thing. Like what do we do if we're not always on the same team or there's not as high of an excitement, so to speak. Um, so yeah, to the experiment. It's spot on. That was how I felt.

Wendy Snyder: So I'm 15 years in now to when I first found this work to now, again, Stella just, she's 18 and a half now and it is so fun to be on the mountaintop now, so to speak. 'cause I'm like, yes, we did it. We, we had faith even though we were scared so many times along the way of like, what am I doing? [00:52:00] Am I drinking some Kool-Aid that is like actually gonna be really bad.

Wendy Snyder: Like, is she gonna grow up to be an awful human being? Like I have so many stories that I write about in the book, but I remember one of them was, um, my son when he was about four. He's my more mild child. So super chill, sweetest, biggest heart. All kids by the way, benefit from this work. Even the mild children, they have a tendency to just have different stuff that they're working through.

Wendy Snyder: His was a little bit of an anxiety here and there, inadequacy, separation, anxiety, like years where that was. That was the task at hand, right? So all kids benefit from this work. Um, but he was four and we were at the park with all my girlfriends. He pushed one of my best friend's kids off of the play structure, fractured his wrist.

Wendy Snyder: Sarah fractured his wrist, and I went into like a mini depression for like three days. I think if my memory serves me, [00:53:00] I'd probably just gotten certified at this point. And it was just like, what am I even doing? I feel like all my best friends are judging me like I am the worst mom on the planet. And what if what I've been learning is just Kool-Aid?

Wendy Snyder: And so thank God for grandma's grandma took him for what I describe as the longest stop sign or pause button on the planet. She took him for a three day sleepover so I could lay in bed and cry and analyze my life. Like, what am I doing? Do I even wanna teach this stuff? Maybe I just need to spank him.

Wendy Snyder: Maybe he really needs to be shown whose boss. And thank God, um, I had coaches and mentors at the time and, and my husband who was like, no, let's just stick with the plan. Let's do the tools. Let's actually, so we did it. We implemented compassionate discipline, we did makeups, we did role plays, we did rude redos, which is all the stuff I teach in section four of the book.

Wendy Snyder: Um, and we over and over and over again practice. And we realized that he didn't push him out of [00:54:00] anger. Even if he did, that would've been okay. But he pushed him 'cause he was excited and we did all the stuff. And it wasn't experiment because we were like, fingers crossed, he'd never touched another child in his life.

Wendy Snyder: He's 15 years old now, he's six two. He could really like, handle himself like from a fight perspective, but he's never touched another kid in his life. Right. The other story I give there is like, Stella, it was an experiment to, instead of. Do pressure filled school to inst. We watched the, the film Race to Nowhere, which I is a documentary I recommend for everybody who has a kid in a school system to any degree it's a required watching.

Wendy Snyder: Um, but it really taught us that like we could descent from the like, um, the school system meaning that like we didn't need to add to the pressure. So back then they, they required homework. She was supposed to do an hour of sight words every night. They were worried that she was testing at [00:55:00] 63% tile instead of whatever for reading.

Wendy Snyder: And they, and we, and we had watched this film and we were like, well, we wanna prioritize her being in trees after school with her feet in the earth eating healthy dinner. And this film that really aligns with us is sharing to us that the homework, the research is showing that it is not gonna actually make her test better.

Wendy Snyder: So we were like, just so you know, we might send a homework packet. Back not finished. And I remember they all just looked at us like. What? And they, we, the teacher called a meeting with us and the principal had showed up and it was like, oh my God, are we in trouble? Like, and they were like, yeah, so we hear that you're not gonna push your kid to, and we were like, um, no, we're not.

Wendy Snyder: But it was uncomfortable, right? And so it required, looking back now, Sarah, it required nervous system regulation work to believe more in what our intuition was telling us. So I often say that comes from like, [00:56:00] you know, our gut, the lower part, and then divine guidance for, for me, comes from above and it all meets in the heart.

Wendy Snyder: But to be able to really trust yourself and when you learn something smart, that's grounded in research and science and psychology. And you can feel like this is what I wanna do. Um, but it's still shaky ground over time. You just start to stack those successes and sure enough, um, by the time she hit, like the middle of first grade, she was excelling.

Wendy Snyder: She was like, fine on the English. She's been a straight A student her whole life. Um, there was, it was okay. It was okay to trust what we knew was right for our family, but it was very scary. So that's just to say those are just a few stories that it, you will be challenged your entire journey until you get that kid to be an adult.

Wendy Snyder: And you will also have moments that you feel scared, right? Like, I'm gonna try to teach 'em not to run into the road in this way. And I still [00:57:00] feel scared they're gonna get hurt, right? Like, it takes bravery to be a parent. Um, but you just, you have to decide that you're gonna believe in your deepest intuition and then the people that you've learned with, that you trust, especially the people who have stories.

Wendy Snyder: I think like I do at this point, um, that it really does work.

Sarah Tacy: So I'm gonna go back and just quickly respond to what you said, which is to say that in resource, a mother asked me, does this work really work?

Sarah Tacy: Right? She's like in the middle of it with like, you know, when they're young, like, you have a baby and a two and a half year old, and. And mothers and families tend not to be resourced enough because of the way our society is set up. And, uh, and I am at a place now where I can actually see my girls using language that is mind blowing to me to be able to express their feelings and talk things through, you know, not always, but like so many times.

Sarah Tacy: And I can see the way they're, [00:58:00] um, creating friendships and I can see the way they're talking through hard moments in friendships and I can really see the work working that I, you know, not at 18 yet. I could be like, wow, there's something to this. And, and we have some work to do. Uh, so it's really good for me to hear with you being 15 years into it with a daughter who's 18, and also hearing the scenarios you described at the beginning.

Sarah Tacy: Especially when like a principal and a teacher, 'cause that can bring up young parts in ourselves too, of like calling you into the office to still stick with yourself is so beautiful. So we're gonna close up this part of the podcast and podcast listeners. Uh, you'll get to hear a q and a next week with Wendy, so members of our juice community get to come on and ask questions.

Sarah Tacy: And I have another question for Wendy too. So Wendy, thank you so much for coming today. Uh, can you tell us when your book is coming out?

Wendy Snyder: Yeah. Sarah, thank you so much for having me. I adore being in the room with you. [00:59:00] I just feel like I'm always like more grounded and just happy when I'm in your presence.

Wendy Snyder: So yes, fresh start your Family Powerful Parenting to restore peace in your home. It drops on May 26th and pre-order it fresh Start family online.com/ pre-order in case it's coming out before then. Pre-orders really mean the world to authors and you don't get charged till it ships right around Mother's Day.

Wendy Snyder: So the Perfect Mother's Day gift, um, and if you're listening to this afterwards, it's wherever books are sold, um, all the big ones, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and then bookshop.org is a place that pulls them from your community bookshop. So that's a nice one. If you wanna support, um, more of the little, the little guys.

Wendy Snyder: And then, yeah, come find me. I'm on Instagram Fresh Start. Wendy Podcast is the Fresh Start Family Show, and, uh, website is Fresh. Start Family.

Sarah Tacy: Thank, and we'll have all of that in our show notes. Uh, and I just love that idea of getting this as a Mother's Day gift to the mothers in my life. Thank you, Wendy.

Wendy Snyder: [01:00:00] Thank you, Sarah.