038 - Mini Musing: The Blueprint of Sisterhood
Welcome to Threshold Moments, dear listener. Today I’m sharing my reflections on the Blueprint of Sisterhood.
In this Mini Musing, I weave together Kimothy Joy’s new book, the story of Medusa, the Sister Wound, false narratives about gossip & drama, embracing our elders, and the power of sisterhood. At the end of the episode, we also hear from Kimothy about her friendships with women.
Join me to remember that we are never alone, and be sure to tune in next week to hear my full conversation with Kimothy Joy.
Connect with Sarah
Resources
Read Kimothy Joy’s book Extraordinary Wing Women
Episode Transcript
Sarah Tacy [00:00:05]
Hello welcome, I'm Sarah Tacy and this is Threshold Moments, the podcast where guests and I share stories about the process of updating into truer versions of ourselves. The path is unknown and the pull feels real. Together we share our grief, laughter, love and life saving tools. Join us. Welcome to Threshold moments.
Sarah Tacy [00:00:40]
This is a mini musings on the blueprint of sisterhood. The word blueprint came to be a more frequent idea or feeling after spending so much time in alchemical alignment, which they will never define the word. And yet for you, my listeners, I will tell you how I kind of feel into it a little bit is just this possibility of health and a health that evolves with time and with being and with possibilities. And as the universe evolves and the people on it evolve. And so it's not to me static, but it is kind of the possibility of wholeness and health, almost like this holographic holding of what's possible or perhaps of like what already is but may present differently due to imprints and wounds.
Sarah Tacy [00:01:49]
So today is the launch of Timothy Joy's book, Extraordinary Wing Women. I have more to say on Timothy, and maybe I'll just give a brief intro to say that after the election in in 2016, she was really, I'm going to use the word appalled, even though she didn't use that word. And two years before that, she had come back to art as a way to work through grief and to heal. And not on purpose. It just kind of happened that like the paints came out and the paper came out and was like, Oh my God, this.
Sarah Tacy [00:02:34]
I'm just sitting down and having this is healing me. And so she put paintbrush to paper and ink to paper and began studying and just like completely surrounding herself with women who have done extraordinary things. And so this means like present time as well as from the past, people who say when like the world is burning. There were people who rose up when people said this is impossible and put up barriers. There were women who rose up.
Sarah Tacy [00:03:09]
Of course, there were men who rose up too. And they're in our history book. And so this is more of like her story. And I really feel that by spending years surrounding herself in the resonance of strong women, she one really got a feel for their mindset, which led to different journals that she's also produced that are like, I think it's called Focus Kocus. That again, is like mindset based.
Sarah Tacy [00:03:42]
But over time, as she's going through all of these women's stories, she's realizing, oh, none of them were alone in our culture. We love to hold up the person who did it all on their own. We love to the word independence, Independence Day. That kid is so independent, independent play, which I mean, there's a place for independence, right? Isn't that great?
Sarah Tacy [00:04:11]
And interdependence that we're part of an ecosystem and like, why would we want to do it on our own? What do we gain from that? Maybe something for our ego, not for our soul. Myesha T Hill, who has an account called Check Your Privilege on Instagram. I recently heard her say, and again, this is just my take and I heard this a while ago and it's just coming to mind that white women are more likely to have community with other white women that is based on patriarchy.
Sarah Tacy [00:04:54]
Because if you go back in a timeline way, we have been exposed to patriarchal systems for a longer period of time, and so that there would be more competition, more judgement, more attack within a white woman's circle. I thought that was interesting and I'm interested to learn more. And I also thought, like, going all the way back to Greek mythology, where Medusa was one of the highest priestesses, the most beautiful woman, she had given up. She had given an oath of celibacy to Athena. She turned down all the men.
Sarah Tacy [00:05:43] All of her effort and energy was to the goddess. And as the story goes, and this may be
a trigger warning for sexual assault, as the story goes, she was raped by the man that Athena most loved. And Athena, who was like her priestess, it turned on her and cursed her so that when she, you know, it was the snake head, all the hair turning to snakes and that when she looked at anybody, they would turn to stone. And so this is like a really, really early example of a sister wound of turning on another woman to get safety within, like the strength or the Yang of the masculine grouping. But there are also so many stories throughout time and place of when women have come together to support each other through impossible odds.
Sarah Tacy [00:06:50]
And I think that most people listening to this podcast, and I'm going to say especially women, but that's more just the lens. I understand. It's my lived experience. And I think there's definitely a lot of experience of feeling unsafe within groups where there can be spiritual bypassing, where you could have an event that really hurt. And maybe there would be so much reason that it could be there or maybe nobody would look at it because it was, you know, something the teacher said.
Sarah Tacy [00:07:21]
Nobody wants to come down on the teacher. Or maybe. Yeah, there are just so many things with within any community where a woman could feel wounded, where a woman could feel like she was thrown under the bus so that everybody else could, you know, feel good. Where there's competition, they even think about in the West, we have a phrase keeping up with the Joneses. And it's like families are competing against each other so that their kids have all of the opportunities that the other families kids have and that they have, you know, just this thing of like, we must all have as much or a little bit more to feel.
Sarah Tacy [00:07:56]
OK. So this might be then the opposite of Blueprint, where the wounding, the jealousy, the judgement, the gossip lives. When I got to read Timothy's book, it just brought me to tears so many times and wrote to her. I was like, to be honest, I really just wanted to see your art and the quotes and I thought that the stories might bore me because they were going to be really historical, but I was wrong. They brought me to tears and they lit me up and they helped me to see the possibility.
Sarah Tacy [00:08:27]
And going back into the idea of a confirmation bias or going back to what I think was episode or maybe referenced it so many times, the reticular activating system or reticular formation, where when we start to look for something, we will see more of it and possibly attract more of it too. And so when we start to say maybe there's a blueprint of sisterhood that could feel good, that could feel supportive, I wonder, show me. Timothy talked about sisterhood being a lifestyle and that early on she just had that that thought of guys are easier, that there was gossip, danger and judgement within female groups. And I did, too, even though I had so many. I really had some amazing girlfriends in high school and junior high.
Sarah Tacy [00:09:38]
Like, I've really lucked out. And I played on a lot of sports teams. And maybe I was too busy for the drama. Maybe I was on too many teams. I don't know. But I still, when I left college, I was looking for male roommates. What's up with that? Yeah. I was just so sure that guys were less drama. What is that about?
Sarah Tacy [00:10:03]
And when I first found out that I was having a girl, I had this like there's this story that teenage girls don't get along with their mother and that thing like that, that there's obviously so much work around the mother wound and, and this having to be like a daughter and mother combination and combo. And I had to then again, just remember, one, we can do hard things and we can be individuals and work things out together and lean into the possibility of health, the possibility that I could like be her biggest support and biggest advocate. You know, all the like the Snow White stories or Rapunzel, where there's an older woman who's so jealous of the youth of the younger one that she would attack her. Let's rewrite that story. Let's tell the stories of the women who are the Crohn's in society who say, hey, I've been there.
Sarah Tacy [00:11:08]
You're going to make it through this thing. Let me know if I can make you some soup. If you're open to feedback. I have some thought. Otherwise, I'm just really here for you. And that these women might actually have some incredible advice that there doesn't have to be a tack between us. And as I talked about blueprints, I want to be so careful not to bypass that. There can also be really appropriate boundaries if you ever find someone where your wound is a perfect match for their wound. And at some point, it's like, OK, I need a break or I need to pause or I need distance and finding your right distance, I want to also honor that and not just have this perfect or this perfection of sisterhood. And if you know, and if you don't let everybody into your heart, then you're not doing it right.
Sarah Tacy Sarah Tacy [00:12:03]
That is also not what I'm saying. And I think that's why Timothy says sisterhood is a practice. Next week, she'll be on the podcast and you'll get to hear directly from her about the steps that she took to begin to heal that sister wound and the mother wound and the small doable pieces she took to get there. So that will be in next week's episode, but I wanted to just bring a little bit of that into here. 1 So cool.
Sarah Tacy [00:12:31]
The book is actually coming out today and pre ordering. As we said with some of the other episodes, when you have an like an indie artist or someone who's like coming up in the world and really need support of friends and family and spreading the word. So great when we can do it early on, early and often. And so I'm just saying, now her book is out, I freaking love it. And I'm not lying about it.
Sarah Tacy [00:12:56]
I really, really have been moved to tears so many times. So something that she and I spoke about, and I'm not sure if we spoke about it on the podcast or just out in the woods when we were chit chatting ahead of time about the way this this changes the conversation from being a star to being a constellation. I think about people who want to like grow up and be a singer. And you know, in this book too, there's a section on Oprah Winfrey, Gayle King, Maya Angelou and Vivian Baxter and just such cool stories where you could say often times we might think of wing women as like 1 gets to rise and the rest are supporting her. And there are so many stories in here where they all had their own, like their sovereign beings that are helping each other, showing up for each other and creating this constellation.
Sarah Tacy [00:13:57]
There are other situations where although it might not be that both rise to stardom, both come more fully into who they are or the whole group come into more fully into who they are by supporting one another and showing up for one another. Maybe I'll give one more example. The very first story is of Julia Childs and Avis Devoto. They wrote over 400 letters back and forth to each other and tried for 10 years to get her work published. And there was, you know, financial support.
Sarah Tacy [00:14:33]
There was emotional support. There was, like, fighting to make this thing happen. And then the book just took off and her career took off. So did Avis's career as a publicist and getting people the notoriety that they that they needed. One last thing I'll say before reading these two sisterhood manifestos that I've found is that I was recently in a conversation with a dear friend of mine, Janelle Houston.
Sarah Tacy [00:15:05]
And I'm going to say that the conversation with private. And I wish that I could tell you the contents because I want you to like, like maybe if I told you it would land with you the way it landed with me. But the, the final thing was that after Janelle described something to me, I had this deep, deep embodied feeling of how powerful our words are. And Florenceville Shin 100 years ago said our word is our wand. And there been 1000 people in the spirituality and Wellness realm who talked about the importance of the words and how they turn into beliefs and how beliefs turn into action in the quantum field.
Sarah Tacy [00:15:49]
People talk about it. But there was something Janelle said in the way that she painted the picture that I was like, wow, yeah, our words have a vibration. Our words are creating a matrix. Our words are powerful, our thoughts are powerful and so reading stories of possibilities without bypassing personal present time experience is a really beautiful resource in moving towards more health. I remember reading Buddha's Brain many years ago, many, many years ago, and it talks about how our brain, so going a little bit towards a confirmation bias again, that our brain would be more likely to hold onto and remember the pain points in order to keep us from going back into a place of pain.
Sarah Tacy [00:16:41]
And that it might actually take some conscious effort to start to notice the things that are good, to start to notice the health that's already there. A retraining for a rewiring of the brain. So I am going to read you the manifesto from Timothy Joy and then I'm going to read the one from sisterhoodday.com. So the one from Timothy that I believe she will give out at her book signing tonight. If anybody wants to come please just e-mail me or DM me and I will send you the location.
Sarah Tacy [00:17:27]
It's written in her beautiful ink writing and has two butterflies on it and it looks like maybe a few stars or golden dots and it says we were never meant to be alone. We collaborate instead of compete. We are Better Together. Sisterhood is our superpower. Sisterhood is changing the world and maybe what I'm feeling in this very moment, as a word, sisterhood is being used a bit by me, is to really be inclusive of our transgender sisters and anybody who feels any relationship to this or experience of it.
Sarah Tacy [00:18:23]
There's also another part of me that wants to say that there have been so many men too who have showed up to help. So sometimes this can be like exclusive. So I'll say that we could look to see show me health within this realm, knowing that there are other realms that we can still find health in as well. So the Sisterhood Manifesto from sisterhoodday.com says I will root for your well-being and joy. Since we're all unique, I will resist the urge to compare myself to you.
Sarah Tacy [00:19:05]
I will practice seeing your innate beauty and brilliance even when you can't see it in yourself. I will not attempt to fix you because you are not broken. If you express emotions I feel uncomfortable with, I will take care of myself without making your feelings wrong. I will listen to your heart and encourage your courage. I will help us remember that vulnerability is a sign of strength.
Sarah Tacy [00:19:40]
Unless you're looking to harm yourself or others, I will keep what you share between us. Instead of closing my heart if I am upset, I will practice opening my heart and speaking my truth. I'll say in right timing, right distance, right support. I will celebrate the healthy relationships in your life. If I am used to struggling in silence, I will practice reaching out in the spirit of not being sad alone.
Sarah Tacy [00:20:16]
I will allow sisterhood to be myself and will invite you to do the same. I acknowledge and honor that our transgender sisters are sisters too, no less welcome or included than those called girls when they were born. Since there are infinite ways to express as a woman, I will celebrate your unique expression. I will stand firmly in the truth that nobody, regardless of age, race, religion, gender, sexuality, side education or nationality, is more important, valuable, or worthy than anyone else. I will resist the grip of perfectionism and encourage you to do the same.
Sarah Tacy [00:21:08]
If I am fearful of connecting with women, I will not turn that fear into a judgment of all women. A will care as we gather in sisterhood. Welcome home. Our grandmothers conspired for this moment. It's so beautiful.
Sarah Tacy [00:21:33]
Keep having this image in my mind as I do some of my own healing of I'm putting up post it notes of all the amazing women that have been in my life that are in my life to really help that confirmation bias to really help retrain my brain to focus on the health as well to like really see how much good there is. I love the thought that what we appreciate appreciates the way we can amplify with our attention and choosing what I want to amplify. I'm so grateful for so many of the women in my life. The ones who have held me and let me *** in their arms during a time of great loss, during times of confusion. The ones who will dance, I want to say, like nobody's watching, but what's the difference?
Sarah Tacy [00:22:45]
The ones who will join me in belly laughter, or perhaps start the belly laughter. The ones who offer me accurate reflection when I'm feeling so disoriented. What is true? It's such a gift to be seen. It's such a gift to be witnessed.
Sarah Tacy [00:23:12]
It's such a gift to be held. It's also a gift to witness. Another to hold, another to show up for another. It's what we're here for. And so we'll end this episode with Timothy Joy answering the question, what does your friend group look like now?
Sarah Tacy [00:23:37]
What does it look like for you to reach out to your friends? Thank you so much for listening. And I will leave a link in the bio for you to grab your copy or I would say reach out to me. Go to sarahtacy.com and reach out if you would like the information on when her book launch is. You can go to her website too, to find all of them.
Sarah Tacy [00:24:05]
But the one in Maine, we will be wearing the possibility of having butterfly wings. Bonfire, a ceremony, people of all ages, super excited. It's going to be so fun. We actually dreamt it up. You'll hear us talking about at the very end of next week's podcast.
Sarah Tacy [00:24:23]
And then when we ended the podcast, we're like, wait, we should do this though, right? OK, great. We're going to do this. So you'll hear the dreaming up of it at the end of next week's podcast. And then, hey, we're actually doing it.
Sarah Tacy [00:24:35]
And it's happening tonight because this is the wonky world of, you know, you record ahead of time and the podcasts come out in the order that they come out, which doesn't always make sense for the listener, but nonetheless, I trust you. I trust your intelligence. Show me blueprints of healthy relational fields. Show me may I pay attention. May I write it down.
Sarah Tacy [00:24:59]
May I paint about it. May I sing about it, May I dance about it. May I notice where there's health and where there are imprints. May I hold the tension field and make decisions from a place of internal alignment?
Sarah Tacy [00:25:20]
So when you ask, what do my relationships with other women look like today, there's just a whole another level of vulnerability and willingness to be seen and held and supported and also to reach out and see other women, reflect to them, support them in like a radical way. And it's always a practice. And I'm always learning and leaning into edges and practicing, you know, with the women in my life who feel safe and open to this kind of deeper connection. And that might show up in different ways. Like, for example, this is something that I didn't used to do at all when I was younger because I didn't want to show like my vulnerability to other women because I was in this mode of, you know, pretending that everything was OK and even possibly feeling in competition with them.
Sarah Tacy [00:26:13]
So I wouldn't reach out and express how I was really doing. Like, if I needed help and I was really struggling, like mentally or feeling really lonely, Like especially in college, I didn't text friends or call them and say, hey, I'm not doing well. It just would feel like a sign of weakness. And now I really practice doing that. Like for instance, even before this conversation with you, Sarah, I was texting some friends and I was just feeling like in a funk earlier in the morning.
Sarah Tacy [00:26:43]
And I said, Hey, I have like this podcast conversation coming up today. And I'm just feeling like insecure and like nervous and like, I want to get it right. And I'm having all these insecurities come up And right away I just got all these responses that we're so loving and we're such like a soul boost. Like I should read like a text. Actually, maybe I will because it just really shows the level. Of.
Sarah Tacy [00:27:14]
Support that we've created amongst one another. I'll just share my text from my good friend Mel. When I had reached out and told her how I was feeling I got this message from her and I'm sure she wouldn't mind me sharing and she said here's her message to me. She said you've got it girl. Take 3 deep breaths and say this to yourself.
Sarah Tacy [00:27:39]
I'm a brilliant woman with a beautiful creative mind. Anything is possible. Chaos will come and go but my inner calm will remain. Something like that. You're brilliant.
Sarah Tacy [00:27:49]
I can't wait to listen to your podcast interview. Your other baby is so close to entering the world and it will be amazing. I love you. That just gives me chills. But that's just the type of messages that I invite in now and I give an offer to others.
Sarah Tacy [00:28:08]
And literally that message from her just shifted everything. Like, I feel so much. I felt so much better jumping on this call with you, Sarah. You make me feel like, you know, so calm and relaxed and like I can show up as myself too. But that was such a boost to receive that from her.
Sarah Tacy [00:28:25]
And another quick example is, you know, just serving one another in radical ways. And vulnerability is hard. Like it's hard for me to ask for help. It's a practice. And I think it's also hard to receive it on the other end.
Sarah Tacy [00:28:40]
So it really is this dance that I'm practicing with. And it's like, so worth it because it makes life so much easier. And for example, I had a really busy week and I had a lot going on with my daughter, but also just planning for all these book events. And I asked my friend Inca if I could come stay with her. I also had a cold and so did my daughter and you know, Inca invited us into her home and was like making me esteem for my face, like a face steam just to like clear out my sinuses with Rosemary and time.
Sarah Tacy [00:29:10]
And she was playing with Luca and she picked her up from school. And so Luca also gets to develop this relationship with an auntie and my friend and we build that just practice of community, being in community with one another in a really practical way. It's hard to do things on our own, especially in motherhood and we weren't meant to. So there just are real life examples like that that have made the difference. And you know, I think in the past, I wouldn't, I wouldn't have asked.
Sarah Tacy [00:29:37]
It would felt too felt too vulnerable to ask a friend and like too much like I was putting them out to ask if we could come stay with her and if she could help me for a few days and now it's.
Sarah Tacy [00:29:48]
We're normalizing it. So that's what this is all about. Thank you for tuning in, it's been such a pleasure if you're looking. For added support. I'm offering a program that's totally free called 21 Days of Untapped Support. It's pretty awesome. It's very easy, it's very helpful. You can find it at sarahtacy.com. And if you love this episode, please subscribe.
Sarah Tacy [00:30:22]
And like, apparently it's wildly useful. So we could just explore what happens when you Scroll down to the bottom subscribe rate, maybe say a thing. Or two. If you're not feeling it, don't do it. It's totally fine. I look. Forward to. Gathering with you again, thank you so much.