062 - Jennifer Hunter-Marshall: Daring Greatly
Welcome back to Threshold Moments, dear listeners. Today I’m joined by a woman I’m lucky to have known for over 15 years and who I admire very much.
Jennifer Hunter Marshall is a wife and a mom of two with a passion for helping others create the best version of themselves inside and out. She is the co-owner and head coach of CrossFit Garden City in New York, as well as a working actor.
In this conversation, we explore the chrysalis of midlife and discuss:
The importance of cultivating empathy and connection
How to handle feedback & find the opinions that matter
Her father’s legacy & how it’s shaped Jenn’s path
Pausing within the hard work of motherhood
Fitness as a place for challenge & for refuge
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Episode Transcript
Sarah Tacy [00:00:05]
Hello welcome, I'm Sarah Tacy and this is Threshold Moments, the podcast where guests and I share stories about the process of updating into truer versions of ourselves. The path is unknown and the pull feels real. Together we share our grief, laughter, love and life saving tools. Join us. Hello Threshold Moment listeners.
Sarah Tacy [00:00:40]
Today I was so excited to sit down with a woman who was in my life 1015 years ago. We met in 2008. Jen Hunter Marshall is an elite athlete with CrossFit and a coach and a wife and a mother, and I've always found her to be inspirational and heart centered. We talked about the man in the arena quote from Theodore Roosevelt, and we talked about the idea of Darren greatly, of being willing to put ourselves in the arena to fail over and over again, as well as to succeed. Then this comes through both in motherhood and identity and athleticism and in business.
Sarah Tacy [00:01:22]
I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did. Jenna's chock full of wisdom and heart. Welcome to Threshold Moments. My name is Sarah Tacy. And today I have the boss, Jen Hunter Marshall.
Sarah Tacy [00:01:47]
I could say Jennifer Hunter Marshall. And there's a part of me that just wants to say Jen. And I did this interview a year ago and when it was over and I hit end, nothing came up on my computer, nothing said saving document here. And I realized that the whole conversation went unrecorded. And I felt I don't know if it was a shame spiral.
Sarah Tacy [00:02:14]
And Jen was kind enough to say, hey, we did a warm up and you know, here we are a year later. And so before even the bio, just thank you for your grace and your understanding. Our pre conversation had a little bit to do with just how human we all are and so thank you for your generosity with my humanity.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:02:35]
Thank you. And it was a gift to share that time with you. A year ago, nobody else heard it, so it was just for us
Sarah Tacy [00:02:43]
Yes. So let me introduce you to the listeners and then we'll have time to hear directly from you. Jennifer Hunter Marshall is a wife and a mom of two with a passion for helping others create the best version of themselves inside and out. She is the co-owner and head coach of CrossFit Garden City in New York. And it's 14 years.
Sarah Tacy [00:03:10]
I did the math and then I was like, I could also look at their website 14 years, which is a really big deal, which we'll touch into a little bit in a bit. And Jen is Level 4 CrossFit coach, which only a handful of people are, and she also coaches and trains those who are getting their Level 1 and Level 2 certificates. Jen and I first met at Institute 3 back in 2008. Both of our husbands now, I was not married to Steve then. We're trainers there and I went there for the summer to work with professional hockey players and some college hockey players.
Sarah Tacy [00:03:50]
And Jen was in Colorado and she came to the dentist every now and then. And then they got married and she moved to New York. And I'm just like going on this thing of like, and every time that I met you or saw you in the gym, you were just this beam of lights and energy and love and strength and your capacity to both. I think sometimes they're looked at as opposites, although I think they pair so well of both strength and yoga and meditation. I'm going to, I'm like making a 5.* here.
Sarah Tacy [00:04:28]
And I was like, and you're an actor. And when I see you either in real life or in the past on Instagram, like dancing and bringing humor, you have just such a beautiful range. And that is something that I remember of you and I think in present time I see as well.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:04:52]
You're welcome. Thank you, Sarah.
Sarah Tacy [00:04:57]
In what environments do you feel most alive and most able to express yourself fully without having to without overthinking? What are people going to think? Or is this the right thing?
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:05:13]
So weird. I think when I'm coaching classes or coaching seminars, when I'm in front of people, I'm just like, OK, this is me. But I don't worry about how it lands because I'm so grounded and rooted in who Jen is. And so I find that I struggle with that or not struggle, but when I'm one-on-one with somebody because of that, I'm not spreading all of that out across many people. When I'm one-on-one, I'm really dialed into who I'm in front of.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:05:47]
And they may not need like strong, tough gin. They may need a little bit more empathy, more compassion. And then, you know, somebody else might need to be tough. It's not that I'm changing who I am, but I'm trying to create a channel where we two people can communicate and understand each other, if that makes sense and the right way to communicate to each other versus like throwing up walls, which I feel like our land mines that we have to navigate through. So I just want to find a way to get past all that.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:06:20]
Like I just want to talk to you. What are you about and how can we be or not be depending on, you know, the degree to be, you know, are able to connect and that's OK.
Sarah Tacy [00:06:33]
And finding in the trauma resolution work that I do and in alchemical alignment, as people work with generational patterns and they start defrosting to societal structures that as they find more of their freedom and liberation, there's often grief and anger for the parts that they we're frozen to. And I wonder if that also plays into these conversations where it can be hard to see this person's coming from a good place and this person's coming from a good place. And it starts to get stacked and layered with the generations of things that were not OK and are currently not OK as we start to like feel it more.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:07:18]
Everything it seems like now needs to be like a sound bite and be definitive like right away. It takes time to like to not dissect, but to breakthrough all the layers like, and it seems like we just don't have time. Everything is moving so fast and I crave that like moment of just slow down so we can figure this out versus like in 5 minutes, we have to have this resolved. It's like, no, it's more nuanced than to get to know somebody and take months, years, you know, and to assume that in an instant I can know somebody. It's more nuanced than I.
Sarah Tacy [00:08:05]
I really appreciate you adding that layer about I'm let's take it slow. Let's have some time. We've been on Instagram how people could take a sound bite and every single comment to feel like a lot to like, exist and be seen when we're looking at sound bites instead of relationships that have developed slowly over time.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:08:31]
And it's too easy to like in a moment of reading something comment but you hadn't had a thought. You just have a initial gut reaction to something versus like if you really cared then you're opening yourself up to a conversation which then can maybe challenge both of you in a positive way if done properly. I most often tried to reference the man in the arena, which I found so profound. We care because we've been through it. We know.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:09:03]
And so those are the opinions that matter. The ones that don't matter are the people who have never been in this position. Because you're doing something that's hard, right? And the only way that we can get better as a coach, as a human, is by doing hard things and seeing how that shapes us and makes us evolve, change, whatever chrysalis. That was my word, you know, whatever that is.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:09:32]
But we need that, otherwise you're stuck.
Sarah Tacy [00:09:35]
I pulled up the quote and I just feel like it's worth reading. It was maybe the first page in Brene Brown's Daring Greatly, and it's a quote from Theodore Roosevelt. And I think it's worth reading because as you said.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:09:49]
It's.
Sarah Tacy [00:09:51]
It's something to really think about as we put ourselves into challenging situations that are stretching us and everybody else is watching and might have commentary for the man in the arena. It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat blood, who strives valiantly, who airs, who comes short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcoming. But who does actually strive to do the deeds? Who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, Who spends himself in a worthy cause?
Sarah Tacy [00:10:48]
Who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who never know victory nor defeat the order. Roosevelt Good.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:11:11]
Lord, man, that's good. That's good. No good. I can listen to it every day, you know, inspire me. I think I'm going to use that as my closing remarks.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:11:20]
I'm going to memorize it. You know, we have it in our one of our offices at the gym that just to remind ourselves and those who dare to read it that you have successes and you have failures, but you got to go both those extremes like playing in the middle, not the place to be. And it's OK. You learn in your failures. I find I've learned more from my failures than I have my successes.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:11:49]
It's great to knock it out of the park the first time, but how did I do that? I don't know. Yeah.
Sarah Tacy [00:11:55]
That's right.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:11:57]
Like that didn't work. OK, we'll do that again.
Sarah Tacy [00:12:00]
Last year I watched your We the Women and I feel like this can tie in as well, and it's a really good one, if any. We'll put it in the show notes so people can listen. And what I took away from it was this idea of preparation verse burden. And I'm wondering if you could tell us a little bit about your father's history. And so you were saying that as you grew up, you were told you had to work twice as hard for half as much and how that was really true for him.
Sarah Tacy [00:12:30]
And again, I'm like what it's done for you, what you would leave behind and what you would want to pass on to your kids.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:12:38]
OK, my dad, he's a retired Army Colonel. He's Ranger, Pathfinder, numerous awards and recognition, infantry soldier. Certainly his story that I share with a lot of people just in terms of his daring greatly and what he overcame is he wanted to be a Ranger, which is an elite Army soldier akin to like a Navy SEAL. And you have to be able to swim. Like you go to Ranger School.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:13:07]
And that's one of the things it's not just get in a doggy paddle, like you jump off the platform with all your gear, that type of situation. But my father grew up in Florida during segregation in Jacksonville, FL specifically. And during that time because of segregation, he didn't have access to the pool. They had like public pool because it was white only. Even the beach at that time in Jacksonville was white only.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:13:35]
And they did have at that time, it was like colored. What's the term? That was just the time there were colored beaches. But he didn't have access in terms of transportation to get to those places. He lived in Jacksonville.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:13:50]
As for he went to school in West Virginia, ROTC and he saw someone who is a Ranger and he's like, I want that. And I talked to my dad about it years later, and he said he saw that as a distinction and he wanted to distinguish himself in that way. When he had the opportunity to go, he went and he failed the swimming test the first time. I was like, what happened? And he said he, you know, jumped off the, I think it was the plane.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:14:19]
He sank like a brick. He called it negative buoyancy. He did need to pull me out, but he didn't want to go back. He was determined. And so he swam every day.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:14:32]
I still can't believe it. I think he said like 8 hours a day. He was like, wow, he didn't want to give up. And he passed. He became, I believe, one of the first black officers to be a Ranger instructor.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:14:45]
The patch that he has in the back of his cat identified him as a weak swimmer. But I have to imagine that it isn't the best swimmer that makes it into that elite unit. It's the one that works really determined, you know, you have to be able to swim that part of the requirement. But the man that continues to go back and go back and want it that bad versus like, oh, this is easy. Perhaps, you know, or that weeds it out, weeds people out.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:15:16]
Like if you can't do it, how easy it is like failed. I'm going to do something else. But if you want so badly to dare so greatly, he wanted that, that he committed himself to it. And so that's what I come from working hard. And so my dad, I believe, not my mom, although she they're, you know, together said you have to work twice as hard to get half as much.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:15:41]
And I remember being a kid and not really understanding what that meant. I also grew up in Europe because my dad was serving and didn't experience, I guess nowadays we call like racism Until I came back to the States and trying to figure out how I fit in to what was going on because I didn't fit the narrative of what like black people were supposed to be like. If there was the terminology we use like narrative or something. Because I didn't view myself as a being part of something in that way. I always viewed myself as Jen first versus this is a community, we call it, that, that I've associated with and just did what I did like I liked school, so I worked hard at school and I did well.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:16:31]
And I knew that based on my parents experience, doing well in school would give me opportunity to do other things. I also learned that nobody's going to give anything to you. You have to earn. And that's how I'd live my life. And that's partly where the story kind of changes a little bit in that I didn't grow up during segregation where things were supposed to be separate and equal, but they weren't.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:17:01]
And then when that changed, what that did for my parents that had already been in place when I was growing up, but it still had to deal with the negative consequences of that affirmative action. I would say where people look at you like, oh, you're here just because. And people don't see that side. They see like, oh, somebody's given this because we're going to try to make up for some slights of the past perhaps. And yes, that can be true, but it can also be true that people work hard and they earn where they are.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:17:37]
And to claim that anything that I've accomplished from my hard work was ill gotten because how I may appear robs me of my dignity. And so that's what I want to impart to my children, the courage to be who they are, to work hard and earn what they get and to be strong enough. There will be some naysayers to be like, oh, you're this, That's why you have that. And to be like, no, just stand in your power and be like, I worked for this. And not to take anything because of that either.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:18:15]
That's hard too. Because you're offered, maybe offered an opportunity because hey, we want to give you this because we need this. That's taking advantage of you in another way. Like you make your way always and then you are clear that everything is earned and nothing given to you. Whatever everybody else has to say about that, that's their business.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:18:41]
But if you know that if I know I work twice as hard or more than I earned it, nobody can take that away from me. I might not like that statement and maybe it's not just me working. Everybody needs to work twice as hard, not because I'm a black woman. I don't want to use that as an excuse. I want to work twice as hard because I want to know that I can do that job right and that nobody can deny that I can do it.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:19:09]
That's a quote that I love it. It's like be so good. They can't ignore you like so that. Drop the mic. That's it.
Sarah Tacy [00:19:18]
Yeah, yeah.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:19:20]
Hey, like my children are like, this is what you got to do, distinguish yourself, like your grandfather distinguished himself. They're going to be times. And I don't want to live in a fairy tale where everything is perfect. It is not. But what are those things that you can control and you work within that and create for yourself?
Sarah Tacy [00:19:45]
I would love for you to talk to us a little bit about the balance. So now you are a mother of two and we can talk about this idea of working hard and working so hard that nobody can take anything from you. So it's not that then you don't work hard. It's more just and where are the pauses? And I imagine that motherhood has possibly called in more need for pauses.
Sarah Tacy [00:20:08]
So if you could talk to us at all about the pauses that you include within? The hard work
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:20:17]
Yes. So in terms of mothering, I find that I have to take more pauses now as kids that have gotten older and more, I won't say independent or just they're becoming who they are. And that could be challenging because we can **** heads because we're different than that and I need to honor who they are becoming. But also still remain the parent and you're the child. And we have like this relationship has certain ways that it goes.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:20:46]
And so when I find, and usually it's a physical reaction with me when I feel myself getting tight and about to, you know, and sometimes I'm guilty of it and I'm like, I have to raise my voice, but I try to talk through it and communicate to my kids like mommy is frustrated, not with you. My children is who you are, but with what you are doing right now. And I'm going to take a minute and you take a minute too. And you know, there's four and six. So they could understand some of that.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:21:22]
But my job is, you know, when I'm losing it is to never have them think it's about who they are, if that makes sense. That's a trauma that I would not wish on any child that all my mom do is scream at me. I'm like, no, no, that's not what I want. And so those pauses come like this morning when people weren't getting ready for school. And then I look at myself in that moment like, what can I do differently?
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:21:52]
Like, OK, I'm going to make his lunch at night time before because I know he's going to be slow getting dressed and will be late for school. So make the lunch I in the clothes before they know I'm going to hit snooze. So I'm really tired. I'm doing a lot of things. How can I help myself out do that?
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:22:13]
What else can I do? I said then there's less of that friction or having to take a moment because I've done all that I can do and they're still going to be themselves and try to support them in that. I don't know if that makes total sense, but that's what I've been trying to work on. So I'm not like frustrated all the time, which could be a state of like threshold as a mother frustrated. I was like, why can somebody just do one thing that I want right now?
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:22:38]
Yeah, I still have those moments, but dealing with them better by taking that pause and just like, OK, what can I do different? Doesn't change this moment, but it'll change the next one.
Sarah Tacy [00:22:50]
We are just always in the arena.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:22:52]
Yes.
Sarah Tacy [00:22:53]
Always like as a mom because, yeah, but just that idea of failure and I think I don't want to parade this around as like something I'm super proud of and thinking about getting on a call with you at 10 AM and was like, oh, by then I got up at 6. I did my meditation. I did a 20 minute Peloton because that's like what, a 5 minute shower and then it's 7 and it's breakfast and it's we now lay out the clothes the night before because my one of my daughter's wanted to change her outfits like three times before.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:23:31]
School and so.
Sarah Tacy [00:23:33]
Yeah, So they pick them up at night and the same thing like I prepare the shake I'm going to have now. I put it like all the ingredients that aren't perishable into a Ziploc so that because I'm much slower in the morning and my brain trying to pick out like.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:23:48]
What? Oh yeah, me too.
Sarah Tacy [00:23:50]
So there's the preparation. And this morning I turned on music and had that like playing in the background and I didn't light a candle. But sometimes I'm doing all the things to like how do I make this environment the most? And then what do I do when there's just like the no, I'm not going and the wishing and just being real, not like the wishing of like these things could be like the simple things in life, like brushing the teeth, the hair, the clothes. Like if the simple things are hard, it definitely demands more pauses to like stay present and calm and, you know, not take my frustrations out on my kids and understand that there are boundaries and there are things that need to happen.
Sarah Tacy [00:24:35]
And if it doesn't?
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:24:36]
Go as planned. It's like letting go. Like that moment's past now. Like when I know we're going to be OK. First child success, we made it to school on time.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:24:44]
Second one, not so good. And like, I can't change the fact that we're going to be late whether I'm upset or not.
Sarah Tacy [00:24:55]
Yes.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:24:55]
So why be upset? Like, OK, just embrace it. We're here. Tell the teacher like look, it's not that we are trying to be late on purpose, it just happens sometimes. I'm doing my best and.
Sarah Tacy [00:25:09]
As an adult, I think that maybe you can relate to this. Like, as an adult, I could take great pride in being consistent and being on time and being accountable and having children kind of can throw a wrench in that wheel real quick. And to not hang my value as a human on that. It's just the, Oh yeah, here I am in the arena doing the best I can. And I love what you said about me being angry or upset isn't actually going to get us there on time.
Sarah Tacy [00:25:40]
And I think that is one of the biggest challenges. There's something in hand in hand parenting where they talk about can you then become playful? Because I think in a lot of adults minds there's like, if I raise my voice, if I'm louder than they'll listen to me more. And one of the methods there is like, can you drop into a playful mode and get down on the ground and connect before you correct? And I think this even goes back to the beginning of our conversation when we're talking about one-on-one and connecting from the heart instead of just fighting over two different perspectives that aren't meeting in their butting heads to be able to come to.
Sarah Tacy [00:26:24]
I will connect first. And then the correct might just be once someone seems feels seen and validated, there's just more ease that follows. But the fearful brain part is like. But what if it doesn't?
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:26:40]
And that may always be there, but what you said that makes me think about the connecting first with our kids before the correction. Like why are they doing this right now? I don't think at 4:00 and 6:00, how can I just ruin mommy's day? That's not the thought. They want to connect in some way and that's why the acting out or delaying or whatever they're doing may be coming from.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:27:07]
And then is a mom has to take a second and pause because I'm looking at the clock and all these things that I have to do. And the most important thing that I need to do in this moment is connect with my child, right? Sometimes we like all these, Oh my goodness, we're going to be like, what's the teacher going to think of me and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, whatever they think, like my job is to make sure I raised a fully not functioning, but yes, functioning, but just a human being that knows who they are. They're loved, they're careful, that they're resilient, and I'm the one who has to teach them that.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:27:50]
So if I'm all over the place or not paying attention to them, giving them the things that they need in that moment, what are they going to be when they're done? That's my job, to be a guide and to give space for them to discover who they are. But like you said, there's limits to that because it has to be because you don't know everything, little person.
Sarah Tacy [00:28:11]
Right, when I was just meaning, like, who would they be if we didn't connect with them? And is thinking about what Jerry Molitor has said to us about how hard it is for adults who were raised in a generation where independence withheld as like, the highest thing you could have your kid be to be independent and to follow the rules and to listen. And this is how success is going to come, is that as adults, we're less likely to reach out to others when we're having a hard time. We're less likely to ask for help. We're less likely to reach out to community.
Sarah Tacy [00:28:53]
And if children learn that they can connect with their parents and that when they're in distress that their parent will slow down and connect, that as an adult, it's not that they lose the ability to do things. They might actually take more dares. But if they fail and if they struggle when they're in the dark hole or when they're scared, they actually know that it's OK to reach out to a friend or to a parent. And it's something that a few people I know who offer their phone numbers to clients to say, like when you're just regulated call, we'll do a 5 minute call just so that you have the practice of reaching out to a regulated person that their phones are silent because most of us don't have that patterning that it's OK to reach out. It's actually like, you know, I can sometimes feel it myself.
Sarah Tacy [00:29:46]
It's like the last thing I want to do is talk about what I'm upset about. The last thing I want to do is like amplify that. And as I get in the practice of reaching out to others, I have amazing parents who I do talk to when I'm upset. But I still like, it's still a practice for me to reach out and connect with somebody when I'm upset because I don't want to bring anyone down and I don't want to burden anyone. And how cool that our kids are learning that they're not bringing us down.
Sarah Tacy [00:30:16]
Thanks for you know. Thanks for making the connection instead.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:30:19]
That's very true. I had a moment this weekend where I had to reach out to a friend. My husband was working away, gone three nights and everything else that I had to do on top of that. And I just had a moment. I was like, you know what, I have to just get it out on a matter of like anybody, just you want somebody to listen.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:30:38]
Nothing has to be solved. I just need to be like, blah. And then I felt so much better and nothing got solved all the issues that I talked about. But just knowing that you have someone to talk to I think is huge. And doing that with your children early on that they know they can talk to you about things that don't mean anything now.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:31:01]
So when bigger and things may mean a lot more higher stakes, they talk to you. And that's the relationship that I want to foster.
Sarah Tacy [00:31:13]
Simon Sinek just said something about, you know, he's really into looking at all the studies. So you and I could just say like, oh, that feels good. And I felt better. And he said, from what he's learned is that all we need is 8 minutes. We need 8 minutes with someone we love or care about.
Sarah Tacy [00:31:33]
I wonder if it could even be a stranger on the street. 8 minutes to share what's going on. And our nervous system begins to regulate. And some people don't love the word regulate either, starts to come into resonance simply by sharing for 8 minutes. So he said when he reaches out to a dear friend and says, do you have 8 minutes?
Sarah Tacy [00:31:56]
They know. I mean, sometimes it's like, oh, good, it's not going to be an hour long call I can pick up. I don't have. It's like, oh, my friend needs 8 minutes. Like it's also like an SOS call a little bit like do you have 8 minutes?
Sarah Tacy [00:32:10]
And that feels like such a small doable piece. I love that as an offer, maybe something I would use with Steve, my husband or like dear friends, this idea of do you have 8 minutes? I love that it's such a small doable piece. And the idea and the practice that that could be, so resourcing and the idea of interdependence instead of solely independence, it's a really beautiful thing that I think we're moving back to.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:32:43]
Yes.
Sarah Tacy [00:32:45]
When you transitioned to becoming a mother, I'm curious how that changed your relationship with work and working out.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:32:57]
It's funny, I didn't put too much thought into it. What was going to happen to my life afterwards because we fought so hard to get pregnant. It took seven years. We struggled with infertility and all of that and I didn't all of my resources were put into that. I didn't think of like the during the after and had very traumatic births for both my children had preeclampsia and hospitalized twice with that and scary and then fitness, which had always been my safe place, my refuge.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:33:28]
That's where I went. That's how I identified myself. That wasn't available to me for a while, and then I wasn't able to get back to where I was. And then what do I do? And I struggled with that for a long time.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:33:39]
And not until this past year, struggling with several injuries that I finally, like, let go of that pressure on myself to be whatever it was that I thought I was trying to be like, Jen, just relax, Just be healthy. And whatever your fitness looks like, if you're doing that, that's OK because I have a shoulder injury now. And maybe I had to have that happen and some other things happened for me to pay attention, like, like, hello, hello. And I'm like, no pushing through. I got to do this.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:34:19]
I got to do this and I can do everything. And then another injury. Hello, hello. And finally, I'm like, OK, you're talking to me and I got to listen now. And so I guess my fitness host still motherhood, but post pregnancy has been more of like listening and being more into trying to.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:34:44]
I'm still trying. There are moments where I'm like, Jen, you really shouldn't do this. You really should do something else and like, OK, and it's OK and it's fine. And like what other people going to think, not their prop, not your problem what other people think. Just do what your body needs right now.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:35:03]
That's the journey I'm on right now, trying to find that balance between what I need and what I want, right? Because what I want override and or my default and that wasn't what I needed.
Sarah Tacy [00:35:21]
I have an episode on moving from familiar to optimal. And what's interesting about what you just said is when I say familiar to optimal, optimal to me could have this like shiny element to it. But what you just said is that balance between OK, So what I'm hearing is the balance between what you want and what is actually optimal and what you want may have been familiar to what you could have had in the past. I'm loving the idea that optimal could be less or optimal could be more help or even though I know in myself, if I'm being really honest, I'm like, I will. I still want more energy.
Sarah Tacy [00:36:07]
I'm going to go get my blood tested. I'm going to see what's missing here, like things that I want, which isn't like to throw away all the things I want, but to be in tune with our bodies to listen and the moment by my moment changes of like what is optimal? And I heard you say the ego coming in of like, Oh, Jen isn't doing X like she used to do. And I can imagine as such an elite level athlete and trainer, this would be such a good playground for your ego and your soul to find a place where it's like, all right, here's a place where we can, we'll have a hard conversation with each other. It may take some time.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:36:55]
Take some time.
Sarah Tacy [00:36:55]
One-on-one conversations that take time.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:36:58]
It themselves and that's and hopefully I'll be able to share the experience with other women and they may find themselves in the same place. And maybe when we let go of a desire to be a certain way, we find our true path. You know, like, I feel like so much of energy was put into something that I thought I needed to do that once I pulled back because the injury that opened up space for other things to exist. They didn't have space because so much of my energy was dedicated to this thing. So there's a blessing.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:37:35]
Like there's something to be learned in everything. And so you just have to be willing to find it. What is it? And it might not always come to light right away, but that's what I discovered. I'm like, wow, I'm more present in my acting, more available.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:37:53]
So my acting teacher said that and I was like, wow, she's like, I know it sucks to be injured, but your acting has been great. I was like, OK, sorry, I'm moving around here. I know I have to like, hustle. Yeah.
Sarah Tacy [00:38:07]
Yeah, we can. We can.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:38:08]
Close up. Yeah, all day.
Sarah Tacy [00:38:11]
I know well, it was so great to have you on the podcast today and I really, really appreciate it. I'm maybe going to leave with the idea that when some chapters closed, other things open, and the idea of when we let go of the things that we're holding on to so tight that it may open space for something more beautiful that we couldn't have imagined. Where we couldn't have even worked twice as hard to get it right. We couldn't like because when we're letting go of the thing that maybe something new is something that we could receive that we didn't know as possible.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:38:43]
Right, exactly our Crystalis. I moved. I put in everything we talked about.
Sarah Tacy [00:38:48]
Yeah, here you go. Well, thank you so much, Jen.
Jennifer Hunter-Marshall [00:38:54]
You as well, Sir. Bye bye.
Sarah Tacy [00:39:08]
Thank you for tuning in, it's been such a pleasure. If you're looking for added support, I'm offering a program that's totally free called 21 Days of Untapped Support. It's pretty awesome. It's very easy, it's very helpful. You can find it at sarahtacy.com. And if you love this episode, please subscribe. And like, apparently it's wildly useful. So we could just explore what happens when you Scroll down to the bottom, subscribe rate, maybe say a thing or two. If you're not feeling it, don't do it. It's totally fine. I look forward to gathering with you again. Thank you so much.