128 - Kate Nguy: The Calendar That Changed Everything: Cyclical Living, Burnout, and Raising Hormone-Literate Kids

128 - Kate Nguy: The Calendar That Changed Everything: Cyclical Living, Burnout, and Raising Hormone

What if understanding your menstrual cycle could transform not only your relationship with yourself—but your parenting, partnership, and entire household?

In this deeply practical and eye-opening conversation, Sarah sits down with women's hormone health practitioner Kate Nguy to explore how chronic stress, the invisible mental load, and nervous system dysregulation impact women's hormones throughout midlife.

Kate shares her personal journey through burnout, perimenopause, grief, and overwhelm, and how those experiences led her to create a radically different way of living—one that honors the natural rhythms of the female body instead of fighting against them.

Together, Sarah and Kate discuss cyclical living beyond the clichés, including the color-coded family calendar that helps Kate's children understand her changing needs, supports healthier communication at home, and teaches body literacy from an early age.

This episode is a powerful invitation to stop treating yourself as a machine and start listening to the wisdom your body has been offering all along.

Episode Transcript:

Sarah Tacy: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to Threshold Moments. Today we have with us Kate Nguy. And I am gonna read her official bio, then I'll say a little bit of how we met, and maybe the first story that really got me interested. But Kate, I'll also say, as I read your bio, I'm like, "Oh, this is so good." Um, I feel like we could have a whole conversation, which is what we're gonna do, just off of your bio.

Sarah Tacy: So here, here it is Kate Nguy is a certified women's hormone health practitioner and the founder of She Revival, a women's hormone health practice specializing in helping women in midlife to understand that the chronic stress and invisible load they carry are the primary drivers of their PMS, perimenopause, and burnout.

Sarah Tacy: She is the creator of the Hormone Rest Method, so that's capital R, period, capital E, so may- maybe in a second you could tell us what that, [00:01:00] each one of those letters stands for, and the host of What the Hormones! Podcast, and a burnout survivor who rebuilt her own hormonal health from the inside out.

Sarah Tacy: Kate's work bridges clinical hormone science with nervous system regulation and cyclical living frameworks in a way that helps women finally understand what has been happening in their bodies and what to actually do about it. Mm-hmm. Well, do you ever hear your bio and you're like, "I'm so cool"? I'm like, "Yeah.

Sarah Tacy: Wow, I'm pretty, I'm pretty smart." Yeah. "I do all those things?" Yeah, I'm really crushing it. And you're a mom of- Yeah ... how many? Three ... three. Three kids. That's a big deal. Three kids. I mean, that in

Kate Nguy: it, in it of itself is, I mean- Well, not just three, but one that's in puberty, one that's on the edge of puberty, and then one that's, like, seven years old, which is a boy and lots of energy.

Kate Nguy: So I feel like I have a lot going... I feel like I have 10 kids sometimes. Wow.

Sarah Tacy: [00:02:00] What are the... Are your kids going through... Can you give me gender- Yeah ... and age?

Kate Nguy: Yeah. So three. So my oldest is a girl, and she's 12, and she just had her first period, but we could feel the ramping up for a while. I was like, "Okay, this is an estrogen surge.

Kate Nguy: I, I know what's happening here." Oh, yeah, so does- Which, nervous system tools really help ground you when you have someone in puberty.

Sarah Tacy: Okay, so let's put a pin on this, because I have a 10-year-old, and I see a lot of her friends are progressing, and some of the things are like, oh, is this just her? 'Cause she's a highly sensitive kid.

Sarah Tacy: Mm-hmm. Or is, is this an on-ramp? So I wanna hear all about, like, the signs and also how to be supportive. Yeah. So that's your 12-year-old. Yeah, and then I have a 10-year-old, just

Kate Nguy: like yourself, also a girl, very emotional, lots of anxiety, so totally different. My o- my oldest is rage-y, and this one is very, like, I'm just gonna cry.

Kate Nguy: Wow. And a lot of emotions. Wow. Um, and then, uh, my seven-year-old is just a [00:03:00] boy who's just- If you, anyone who's listening to this that has a boy, you know what I'm talking about 'cause they don't stop moving. And somebody who's 45 in perimenopause, sometimes I'm like, "Can you just stop walking in circles?" Like, he just paces sometimes 'cause he's bored, and so he'll just walk circles around the island, and I'm like, "Okay, my sensory overload right now.

Kate Nguy: Like, can you just stop, please?"

Sarah Tacy: So... I have a seven-year-old... Oh, she's six, um, but sometimes she seems older, who even when she was three years old, if she went, came to the nail salon with me and they would do her nails and they'd say, "Okay, sit still," and she would sit there with her hands up like this in the air, so all 10 fingers pointing up, for, like, 45 minutes and not move, and all the ladies at the salon is like...

Sarah Tacy: They're, "What is happening?" And then if we're around, like, with families who have little boys, and I know that, like, gender can be, um, you know, have a, its own range. Mm-hmm. But the majority of the time [00:04:00] what I see is, like, these boys, they're like, "What can I break? Where can I run?" Mm-hmm. "What type of noise can we make?

Sarah Tacy: What things can we check out?" Mm-hmm. Like, "What's under that? What's above here?" And, um, my girls, I love getting them outside, and they'll explore, but also they could sit at an art desk for, like- Yeah ... hours and draw. Oh, yeah. So it's just, like, really interesting when we go and hang out with other families who have just a different range than my own kiddos.

Kate Nguy: Yeah. I remember after we had our two girls and we were having our third, we both really wanted a boy, and now, like, after he was born, I was just like, "Why did we want a boy?" Like the girls were so quiet. Like, I knew how to deal with them. They just played with their Barbies. Like, they could interactively play and use their imagination for hours, and for him, it's like if he has to play with something, he gets bored.

Kate Nguy: He needs to move his body in play, so, like, sitting and doing Legos, it lasts for 10 minutes, and then it's like, "Okay, so what can I jump off of now?" And I'm like, [00:05:00]

Sarah Tacy: So then the interesting thing, and again, I just, I don't really know enough. I don't have enough experience. I imagine that the places that most females, like young females, uh, may be easier than most boys- That possibly around puberty, some of those things then get harder.

Sarah Tacy: Like, there's a flip-flop in parenting where- Yep ... possibly, like, being with a much bigger range of emotions now becomes the more challenging but also really important thing to

Kate Nguy: be with. Oh, yeah. You can totally... And you can see even at these age groups, like even with my son being seven, you can really see how he can be an anchor for big emotions, whether it's my PMS or my daughter's Or my, my middle daughter, her, her anxiety that she has or her, her just big emotions that she has where she'll just break down and cry over s- like, [00:06:00] she gets so angry, but she then, it comes out in just, like, rages of cries.

Kate Nguy: Um, where he can just be really still and be with that. And so I, I'm really interested to see him as a teenager of the, even though he drives us all, all of us in the house crazy with how much he moves, he can really, when he needs to, be like that, that storm gate of emotion. Like, he can just hold it all and not be affected by it, which I think can be really powerful, and I, I'm interested to see how that plays out when he has two older sisters and then himself in puberty.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah. Well, okay, so I wasn't gonna get to this until later in the conversation, but I'm just gonna go there now 'cause that's- Mm-hmm ... feel like this is where we're at I have heard a lot about cyclical living. Um, Kate Northrup's a good friend of mine. You know, she wrote a book that spoke about that. Um, Jen Racioppi is a good friend of mine, and her cyclical living has more to do with, like, following the moon, and, you know, all of my friends talking about it, [00:07:00] implementing it.

Sarah Tacy: And for me, I felt a little bit like, well, that sounds nice, but I don't know if that's really for me. Like, I don't know if I can organize my life around a cycle. Uh, organizing my life feels hard enough. And then when you shared what you were doing with your calendar and the way that your family was interacting with the calendar, specifically your little boy...

Sarah Tacy: And I just have to be honest, I was like, "I haven't implemented it yet," but I was like, "This is genius." Mm-hmm. This is such a practical way. And what I'll say is that if it's, you know, if I'm in luteal phase, if it's, like, right before I'm about to get my period, my husband might be like, "Oh, is it that?" Like, it, like it's that like- Oh

Sarah Tacy: "Oh, I have to deal with your short temper or your lack of patience or..." And so I would love for you to talk to us about a different reality, [00:08:00] another possibility.

Kate Nguy: Yeah.

Sarah Tacy: Can you

Kate Nguy: tell us what you told me about your calendar? This totally got birthed out... It's interesting because I was working with women's health and particularly with fertility and using cycle syncing for, like, fertility stuff for about a decade before I had my third baby at 38 years old, almost 39.

Kate Nguy: And I remember being in postpartum and- I don't know if it was postpartum, if it was, like, the phases of perimenopause starting to seep in, but the overwhelm and the just how much I was feeling emotionally about everything. And when I say emotionally, I don't just mean sadness, but I also mean rage.

Kate Nguy: So it really started with this, this perimenopause, you know, coming into motherhood with a third baby, and at the same time COVID was happening. And it was like, it was so much on my nervous system.

Kate Nguy: And at that time I knew nothing really. Like, I knew the nervous system from, like, the yoga therapy kind of point of view as a yoga therapist, but [00:09:00] not to the degree of like why do I feel like I'm losing myself here? And I remember it was this one conversation that kind of spearheaded it all. And we were in the midst of COVID.

Kate Nguy: My husband was able to go to his office all the time. I was homeschooling or whatever you call it, online schooling a grade one-er and a kindergartner with an infant. And I remember him coming home and me just being, like, so frazzled and so angry, and him being like, "I'm stressed too," like, "I'm burnt out."

Kate Nguy: And I'm like I have two kids that keep losing their classroom every 15 minutes, and then I have a baby I have to somehow get t- down for a nap in the midst of all of this and I have to feed people, and I just felt so overwhelmed. But then there was a part of me that was ... And I ... It just n- like, thank you universe for setting it up this way, but this conversation was happening during ovulation, and ovulation's such a great time to have fights with your partner because you're really able to hear what they have to say, but you also [00:10:00] have this space to really be an authority and ask for what you need as well.

Kate Nguy: And I remember going, "Okay, I can understand that, yes, you know, this is impacting you in a different way that I just don't understand. You're burnt out, sure. My burnout, I'm sure, is way different , but okay, we're both burnt out. What are we gonna do about this? Because this isn't working anymore." And so I proposed, I was like, "I know that in my follicular and my ovulation I have more capacity.

Kate Nguy: I know that I can take on more, that I'm usually more of the fun mom during this time." So I said, "On those days, if you need to drive an extra, like, half an hour in your vehicle just so that you don't have to come into this house, into the craziness, then do that. If you need to go for a walk, like, you do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

Kate Nguy: But here's the deal. Once I hit my luteal phase, like luteal and my bleed days, don't call me saying you're gonna run five minutes late or that I left the office a little bit late. Like, it is, like, a hard rule that 4:30 you're in your vehicle and you're driving home . And then I get to lock myself in our [00:11:00] bedroom, and I get to do whatever I need to do."

Kate Nguy: And at this time, I also started to implement eating my supper in my home office by myself during my luteal phase because all of the sensory of the noise of the chewing and of the scraping of the plates, and my husband's, like, someone who likes to have a lot of fun and humor, but he would get the kids all riled up, and I was already frazzled from the day that I was like, "I just need to eat in silence."

Kate Nguy: And so we started to see these patterns, and so that's what we started to do. How- that's how we survived COVID and how our marriage survived COVID with three kids, was that we really had to have clear boundaries of, like, if you need self-care, you need to take it here. And if you don't take it, then that's your problem.

Kate Nguy: You made that choice, and I'm not gonna be held responsible for that, and you can't say that you're burnt out with me because I've given you space. But these two weeks I am taking for myself, and I will do what I need to to get through the day. But when I get home, when you get home, it's all hands on deck.

Kate Nguy: And then that just kind of really carved out this language that we started to use a lot around how we [00:12:00] interacted. I also found that I was way better at dealing with conflict in my ovulation. Um, but then I started to, like ... Then I started getting curious of, like, how can I apply this to other areas? How can I apply this to my parenting?

Kate Nguy: And so I ended up creating a whole course called Living in Flow out of how to do this with your relationship, with your work life, and with your parenting, because it became so fundamental for my survival as a parent of or as a mom of three, to be honest I'm over here So it didn't answer the calendar question, but that's how it got birthed.

Sarah Tacy: I love... I used to say, and I, I don't think it's my saying, it's something about like a pebble in the shoe is what will initiate change, right? Yeah. So if I had clients who they wanted to do yoga or yoga therapeutics, right? And they had like, oh, I, I worked with professional athletes, and they had a nutritionist, and they had a meditation teacher, and they had, um, they had all the things, and they were healthy.

Sarah Tacy: And so I felt like I spent more time just [00:13:00] stretching them. And when I had clients who came who were in chronic pain, who had tried everything and nothing had worked for them, these people had a pebble in their shoe. And when you have a pebble in your shoe where you're just like, "I just can't live with this thing pressing into me anymore," then you'll say like, "I am willing to try anything," right?

Sarah Tacy: Yeah. Like, I will try that breath pattern before I go to bed. I will try sitting with a block in between my knees to try to widen my pelvis. I will try, you know, changing my headrest in my car so... You know, like all of the things. Like, they're like, "Yes, I will try it. I will look at my relationship with my stepmother", you know?

Sarah Tacy: Yeah. Like, we could like really expand to look at the multidimensional effects and the variety of ways throughout the day that we could create s- space and support. Right. And so when I hear your story, it isn't just like, "Oh, I heard this idea. Wouldn't this be nice?" It's like, in order to survive this as a family- Yeah

Sarah Tacy: as a couple- [00:14:00] Mm-hmm ... here is the plan. And I also love hearing that this was during ovulation. Yeah. I often think of ovulation like, oh, this is a great time to, to speak or to be out there, but I haven't really- Heard of it as this is a great time to address the conflict or to address- Mm-hmm ... the friction points.

Kate Nguy: And this is where I always say, like, ovulation, like, we have way better communication skills. Our vocabulary expands. The part of our brain that is for language development, it gets really heightened here during ovulation. So if you're asking for a raise, any of those things, this is the time to do it because you can really articulate well what it is that you're needing and why you think that this is the reason why you need it.

Kate Nguy: But the other thing that ovulation brings, which I think so many of us miss, is that it brings deep empathy as well. There's a reason why it's the mother archetype, right? It's not because of the idea that we have of the figurative mother, it's because we can hold emotional [00:15:00] capacity and we can hear what people have to say, and we get this really, like, clarity of, like, how we can support in a way where people feel seen, heard, validated, without also letting go of our own boundaries, and I think that is the true power of ovulation, which is why I have, like, red hair.

Kate Nguy: I got a lot of fire in me. In Ayurveda, I'm a Pitta. Like, I... I like to argue. Mm. So during luteal phase, when PMS is there and you are feeling fiery, like, my husband can say something and I can explode, and it's been a skill set that's taken, like, five years of being really, like, taking a deep breath and going, "Listen, I know that I'm not in the emotional capacity to be able to have this, this talk because I'm gonna take everything you say to heart and I'm gonna be way sensitive to it and I'm gonna misread everything you say.

Kate Nguy: Like, I know there's some truth into what you're saying, but I am going to feel like it's an attack. So we have to wait." And so a lot of our fights wait for two weeks so that I can get out of the [00:16:00] bleed days. And a lot of people are always like, "Isn't that really hard?" I'm like, "It is hard, but it's like any skill set.

Kate Nguy: Like, you just gotta keep training your body." And I don't do it perfectly. Sometimes I'm like, "Listen, we're not talking now for a week because you've really pushed my limits." But when we get into that ovulation, I'm usually the one that's like, "Okay, so this happened two weeks ago and I wanna talk about it."

Kate Nguy: But when we do that, he gets a voice as well, and he really feels like he gets time to, to speak his truth and be heard. Um, and it's also when I find that I take the best ownership of what my role was in it, but then also very clearly saying, "This is where you kind of were a little misled. So let's get back on track."

Kate Nguy: I'm

Sarah Tacy: obsessed with this. I can see now that when you presented the calendar idea- Which we're gonna talk about Mm-hmm ... I was like, "Oh, this is so great," because now Steve, my husband, now Steve can see, like, you know, [00:17:00] instead of reading it as like, "Oh, great, now I have to deal with you being X, Y, and Z," like, oh, he can see that now's the time to support me.

Sarah Tacy: What I'm also hearing here, and so I-

Sarah Tacy: I hate the feeling, but this is my growing edge I think, of being told that my feelings aren't real or that it's just because of the phase of the month. Because then if, if I am in ovulation, I'll be like, "See? And now I know it's real because I'm still feeling this." Um, as I can really hear my little kid parts by, as I say this out loud.

Sarah Tacy: Um, and so I hear the ability to really take ownership- Mm-hmm ... over that, and I have heard Deb Curtis will say, like, "You can trust your emotions, just not the volume." Mm-hmm. And so there are things I've tried to pause on. Uh, but I'm just hearing a lot of opportunity to take ownership so that this [00:18:00] is really a co-honoring- Mm-hmm

Sarah Tacy: so with the people in my life, but also with myself, because there's a part of myself that doesn't wanna think that I'm actually affected- Mm-hmm ... by the luteal phase. Like, I can feel it, but I wanna be like, "I'm strong. I can overcome that. I'm stronger than that. I can out resource that." Um- And so I'm just seeing a growth edge for myself right now.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah.

Kate Nguy: Well, and I think so many that ... People that are listening to this, they might also feel that that luteal place is a really ... It's a hard place to be in that it is super emotional, but it's emotional for a reason. Like, this is the home of our inner critic, right? This is the place where our inner critic really gets a voice and tells us like what it sees everything wrong, whether it's in our relationship, in ourselves, in our work.

Kate Nguy: This is a r- There's a reason why women wanna burn it all down in the luteal phase all the time. But what I always say is that as much as we like ... I think we've really been trained to think of the inner critic as, like, this [00:19:00] negative thing, but really what it's doing is it's constantly, like, challenging us of, like, are you in alignment?

Kate Nguy: Are you in alignment, right? So, like, when you wanna burn down your company, it's like, is this really what you wanna do? Like, and, and the answer might be like, "Actually, you know what? Yes, it's hard, but I actually still wanna do it, so no, I don't wanna burn it all down," right? And so there's this alignment that comes with the inner critic, and that's where I, I think the beauty with that PMS week is that there's so much discernment, right?

Kate Nguy: Like, we can really feel a challenge, but where we can manage the discernment is where we give our space to be alone, to be in rest. I always see it as, like, this car where in the first half of our cycle our foot's on the gas and we're cruising. And then our PMS week is like we're tapping the brakes going, "Okay, can we start to prep to slow down because we're coming up to menstruation where we really need to rest?"

Kate Nguy: Mm. But we are in a society where we just keep pushing through. We just like, "No, no, no, I, I gotta keep going because I have this to-do list," or, "I do this every Monday and I do [00:20:00] this every Tuesday," and we're just so stuck with the w- the weekly routines that we just keep pushing versus seeing opportunity of, like, where can I slow down so that I can actually process some of this refinement of how I wanna move into my next cycle?

Kate Nguy: And I think th- the luteal phase, the PMS phase, gives us so much opportunity to learn, but it's really hard because we're not good at resting. We're not good at taking it slow. So

Sarah Tacy: what do you say to somebody who is in a position where they're like, "Right. But I run a cleaning company and I need to be at these jobs at this exact time every day," or, you know, every week- Yeah

Sarah Tacy: on these days. These are my clients, and I can't just log out and not do it. So how do we balance the parts that are routine? And it could just be like- Mm-hmm ... yes, you have to still pick up your kids after school, and yous have to ... Like, the things that are on our plate, just like [00:21:00] in COVID when you had to do the things and you had to show up.

Sarah Tacy: What type of modifications or- ideas do you give people who are trying to implement this in like the smallest doable way possible at the beginning?

Kate Nguy: Yeah. Well, first thing I always say is track your cycle, and I don't mean like the f- the temperature and all that kind of stuff. What I mean is like how do you physically, emotionally, mentally, and energetically feel in each of the four phases?

Kate Nguy: Because when you start to know how you shift each time, you kinda know what your medicine is, and for a lot of us, yes, we have these routines. As women, we have a lot that we can't just say, "I'm not doing it this week." Um, but rather what we could do is say like, "Okay, I know that I get increased anxiety here, so maybe before I go in with a client, I'm gonna do a nervous system tool that's actually like really down-regulating," right?

Kate Nguy: Rather than putting on music and trying to sing my way through it- Mm ... maybe I'm gonna do some deep breathing, or like I always like the [00:22:00] aromatherapy where you smell it in the one nostril and, and tap on the other side. Mm-hmm. 'Cause that to me, it just grounds me. It drops me into a scent, right? And so when we know how we get overstimulated in this phase and how it feels in our body physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically, then what we can do is we can find our right tools.

Kate Nguy: So we still do all the things that we have to do, but we have like these little mini breaks, right? Little, little snack breaks of either nervous system tools or self-care tools. So for me, I start my days a little bit later in my luteal phase. I give myself permission to maybe not work out in the morning, maybe do a yoga class in the afternoon instead.

Kate Nguy: Like, I, I, I break up the routine how I need it to be. I do a little bit more nervous system tools because I know I feel a little bit more agitated. One of the big things I do, 'cause I can really show up well for my clients and my work during this phase. Where I start to fall off the mountaintop is with my kids.

Kate Nguy: I, I, I give so much [00:23:00] because I know I have to give for my work, that when the kids come home from school I'm snapping or I'm irritated, or like I just find myself a little bit quicker to ig- be explosive than to be that really supportive mom. So things that I do is, like I said, I eat in my office, usually by myself during this time.

Kate Nguy: Um, my kids know. Uh, we call them my blue days. They know that I can't have a lot of sound We say we have three floors in this house. The main floor is serenity. If you wanna make noise, you have to go either upstairs or downstairs. But this floor, there's no fighting, there's no talking during... Like, we just make- Right

Kate Nguy: some rules around it, right? Like, of how, what we need. Um, I also know that, like, if I pick them up or we're driving somewhere, my daughter, my oldest, loves music all the time. She's like, "Can we put the radio on?" I'm like, "No, no radio," because I can't sensory... Like, it's too much for my ears. Like, I just ... I, I get too overloaded.

Kate Nguy: So I know my, how it feels in my body during this time, so I know what I need, [00:24:00] and sometimes it's just those small little tools. My husband often does bedtime during this week as well with our seven-year-old. Um, I'm just like, "I'm tapped out. This is where, where you step in, and I'll go read a book in my bedroom by myself," right?

Kate Nguy: And so I wouldn't do that normally in my first half of my cycle. And so just knowing what you need. Where I find that it shows up and what kind of led to our conversation- Was, um, that it really impacts my parenting. And I think, like so many of us moms, we had this big vision of how to be a certain parent, and then we get these kids on top of, like, this really busy life.

Kate Nguy: Yeah And then if you have them later in life, like so many women are doing, you're now mixing perimenopause, potentially, into the pot, and it can feel really hard to be that parent we envisioned ourselves to being. So, like, my relationship, I... Like, I have tools for it, but that's not where I feel my failures or [00:25:00] my criticism.

Kate Nguy: It's always with my parenting. And so that's how, you know, this idea of the calendar got birthed, was because I could hold my work life together. I could push through that. I could push through my relationship. But I felt like crap after two weeks of being really snappy with my kids, and being like, "This isn't fair to them.

Kate Nguy: This isn't what..." Like, am I doing damage to them? Do I have to start making a savings account for counseling for them- Yeah ... because I don't know what I'm doing to them? Yeah. Um, and just feeling like it was all out of my control, and realizing that there actually was so much in my control. So to answer your question is, like, just really know how it lands in your body, where you're feeling the, the sandpaper irritation, and then what is it that you need?

Kate Nguy: Like, what nourishes you? Which is gonna be very different than your BFF, right? Like, for me, it's like I need more solitude. I also find, this is... I found really interesting when I learnt this, was that the female nervous system regulates off of oxytocin. And so, [00:26:00] you know, when we're in our luteal phase, we often think about isolation, but for me it's, like, isolation from my kids and my husband.

Kate Nguy: But what really nourishes me is actually going out with friends, friends that aren't, like, like, not, like, big parties and so forth. For me, it's like, can we go for a supper, and can I just talk with other adult women- Mm-hmm ... and just feel seen and supported. Like, that to me is nourishment. So there is this component of really, you know, tending to our nervous system in the luteal phase through community, and that community c- might also be, "Hey, neighbor, can you take my kids for the afternoon?"

Kate Nguy: Right? Like, but this is where community can be really supportive for that luteal phase.

Sarah Tacy: Thank you so much. Yeah, we talk about layers of support, and so I'm hearing both layers of support, as well as maybe a layer of support is also where, like, what are the things you're gonna opt out of- Yeah ... and what are the things you're gonna opt into.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah. And then differentiating, like, oxytocin from... I have a social post coming out today about the female nervous system and oxytocin, and, um- [00:27:00] But like where we get it from at different times of the month, too. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Um, so like if the ovulation, I always think of ovulation of like, "Oh, that's like a hot relational period."

Sarah Tacy: Um, but you also said like, no, that's also a real like mama bear period- Yeah ... of time. Um, and so in the luteal, the PMS fra- phase, to be like, "I just need some time with my girlfriends." Yeah. It's super helpful. Um, and so the calendar- Yeah ... you talked to me about like your blue days and how your son can look at the calendar and just kind of know certain things- Mm-hmm

Sarah Tacy: and that he can also even describe in his body without like a, you know, a cycle- Yeah ... being like, "I'm feeling like it's a bit of a blue day for me." Can you talk about- Yeah ... uh, what your calendar looks like and how your family relates to it? Yeah. So about three

Kate Nguy: years ago is I started this process, and it's been beautiful.

Kate Nguy: It was like my art project on January 1st three years ago, where I got this big parchment paper out and I drew out the full [00:28:00] year, 'cause I was in that mood where I was like, "Okay, everything feels too much after Christmas." And so like I mapped out every month there. And then what I had done is I had color-coded it where I predicted I was gonna be in my cycle for the full year.

Kate Nguy: And I know there's a lot of women that are like, "I have irregular cycles," or, you know, "What happens if my cycle changes?" I just use little stickers that, that they were different colors, and so you can just put a sticker on top when your cycle changes. It's no big deal. It takes an extra like 30 seconds to three minutes, depending on how far you are in the calendar year.

Kate Nguy: And when I do adjust, I only adjust, uh, a month or two going in advance because if it shifts again, then I don't have to redo it all again. So I did it so that I had a clear picture January 1st of where I'd be every day of my cycle. My follicular days, which are the days right after your bleed, those were my, uh, green days, and I did green because it's like spring is here.

Kate Nguy: Grass is coming out of the ground. Um, for ovulation I did yellow for summer because [00:29:00] it's like the brightest time. Even the full moon, like it's the, the brightest. Mm-hmm. And then the color pack had blue, so blue was my luteal phase Yeah. Um, which is like, "This is my time where I just need me time." And then red was for my period.

Kate Nguy: And so the way I broke it out, because I've been tracking my cycle for a while, I always suggest women, like spend a good week in each phase if you have a 28-day cycle. If you have a little bit less, one of those phases is gonna be a little bit less. If you have a longer cycle, you'll have a few extra days in either/or.

Kate Nguy: But if you're tracking your cycle, you kinda know which one needs a little bit of whatever color code. And so we did this. I mapped it all out of the green, yellow, blue, and red days of where I thought I was going to be. And the fun thing, and the thing I was not expecting when I did this on my kitchen floor, was m- all three of my kids came, and they were curious about what day their birthday landed on.

Kate Nguy: And that year in particular, all of them landed on ovulation, so like it was a little bit of a celebration in our house of like- Yeah ... ooh, [00:30:00] everyone, we're gonna have energy. But birthdays don't land on weekends all the time, so then there was like a conversation of like, "Okay, yeah, your birthday lands on ovulation, so which weekend should we have your birthday party?

Kate Nguy: Should we do it the weekend before or the weekend after?" And it just opened up a lot of rich conversations with my kids, where then it was like, "Well, where does Christmas land, and where does Easter land?" And so- Wow ... we had this all mapped out so that people knew. And I have a, like a little legend on the side for my kids of they know, so the green days they know are the days where fun mom comes and I wanna do a lot of activity.

Kate Nguy: So we call it the activity time. And then the yellow days is where I want more cuddles and more connection time, so we do a lot of one-on-one dates during that time as well. And then the blue days are the days where I get grouchy, and they know it's my grouchy days. And also the non-touch days, right? I'm somebody, like my sensory overload becomes really, like amplified, so it's not just s- hearing and sight, it's also touch for me.

Kate Nguy: And so my son, who I love and [00:31:00] adore, he will give me 5 million hugs a day. Like, he's very, like Velcro cling on, but he knows during the blue days that that's too much for me. And then the red days is just marked as rest, that they know that I need to like not be asked questions. I need to not do things. I just need a little bit of downtime.

Kate Nguy: I'm still showing up for them, but I also go to bed earlier, and I also might just wanna watch TV for a little bit versus like- big family game night, things like that. Like, so we plan things out. But this was so fundamental in them seeing that I was four different women, that I had four different sets of needs, and it's been three years of them really learning how to support me, rather than me always being like, "I have to take care of everything," which was so relieving for my nervous system, of other people to have a tool to look at it and be like, "Oh, okay, this is why we're not gonna ask that."

Kate Nguy: So my kids don't ask for play dates on my blue or red days. They know that we [00:32:00] don't have kids here. If someone wants to invite them over, and this is always the conversation, it's like, "You can go to someone's house, but I, I'm not, I'm not having anyone else

Sarah Tacy: here." Not

Kate Nguy: hosting. Yeah. But even, like, my son, he had a field trip a few weeks ago, and he was like, "Can you come on it?"

Kate Nguy: And I was like, "Buddy, it's gonna be the first day of my period." And he was like, "Yeah, you need rest." I was like, "Thank you." Like, it was so sweet. Yeah. I was like... So, like, it wasn't this big disappointment. Like, he just knew of what my capacity was. But then his class went to the zoo, and I was in follicular, so it's like, "Hey, let's go to the zoo, and I can hold that space," right?

Kate Nguy: And so they understand that I can't be the same person every day, and to be honest, they understand it a little bit better than my husband does. Yeah. Like, he uses that as a tool. But we're teaching them at a young age to be different variations.

Sarah Tacy: That's why I was like, imagine your son, if he- Mm-hmm ... decides to partner with a woman when he's older who's ovulating, like, imagine what a gift.

Sarah Tacy: I mean, he'll probably be teaching her about it, but, like, what a gift to have someone understand. [00:33:00] Because the other thing I hear in the relationship with him is that it could be confusing otherwise for a kid if it's like, "Oh, Mom doesn't wanna hug me today." Yeah. Right? It could be like, "Oh, what did I do wrong?

Sarah Tacy: What's wrong with me? Why did she snap at me?" And if instead there's this predictability of like, "Oh, it's not a hugging day," and then- Yeah ... it's not a personal thing. Like, a kid doesn't make it like, "Oh, I have to do some..." Like, it, that predictability, I imagine, could be really helpful. Mm-hmm. And even as you talked about the field trip- That again was like, oh, it's not personal, and so he gets to watch you- Mm-hmm

Sarah Tacy: meet your needs, too.

Kate Nguy: Yeah. Yeah.

Sarah Tacy: And so I know that you, like, make meals for your family. Mm-hmm. I mean, we were at a conference together, and you were, like, cooking up a gourmet breakfast every morning, and I was like, "Oh, my goodness, this is amazing. Thank you." So I know all the... I can imagine all the ways that you show up- Yeah

Sarah Tacy: for your [00:34:00] family and your kids, and for them to also have some predictability of, like, and these weeks it's gonna look different is just so brilliant, and now my- Yeah ... curiosity is like, okay, so for your daughter who just started menstruating, uh, does she have- Yeah ... her calendar? Does she have any interest in this?

Sarah Tacy: Like, how did she- Oh, totally.

Kate Nguy: Yeah. Totally. And so, you know, before she even got her period w- there was a little bit of communication because one day she'd be really emotional. I'm like, "Honey, this is just the hormones." So we talk about the hormones as chemicals in our body. And, and so there was a little bit of language, and she's been w- she's been watching me do it forever now.

Kate Nguy: And so when her period first came, right away, it came at the most inconvenient time. Because it came, and she had a dance competition the very next day. Ugh. And I was like... And so I was like, "Okay, so just know, like, yes, we have to do this because you're part of a team, but just know that you might not perform as well, [00:35:00] and you might not feel great, and you might be exhausted afterwards.

Kate Nguy: So how can we sandwich a lot of rest for you and really low expectations of performing well," right? And so, like, we had to have this whole conversation around, like, what to expect and how, you know, even if they didn't win the competition, like, how that might land emotionally in her body because she was in her period.

Kate Nguy: And even after the period, like, "Okay, we're gonna go home now," and my mom had come into town to watch it, and it was like, "It's okay for you to wanna go to your room and just be in your room by yourself," like, and so it was a lot of permission giving- Mm ... which I think was so beautiful for her, especially as, like, I've witnessed so, with so many of my clients who have teenage daughters and, like, in high school, where they're pushing through volleyball tournaments and track meets, and they're just pushing their body, and then their periods are completely absent, and their moms are like, "What are happening?"

Kate Nguy: Like, so, like, I think it's so important to give kids this language of being like, "No, actually, I'm not supposed to push hard, and it's okay if I can't lift my leg up high," or whatever, like, in the dance [00:36:00] class. Like, it, all these things that w- it gave her so much freedom just to be there, and she moved through it so well and with so many questions.

Kate Nguy: Um, it was really a great process. And then now, like, we are on about day 26 of her cycle right now, and we're tracking her temperature. So that we can see, like, what's kind of happening so we can create some predictability. But even this past weekend, like, she was so mad at me the one day. She came home, and she was just rageful.

Kate Nguy: And so I was like, "Okay, I can hold space for this." Mm-hmm. Like, just breathe and ask lots of questions. But once again, I was not in my, my PMS days or my blue days, so I could hold it. Um, and it turned out, like, within a half an hour that it, it was revealed that it was because all her friends were meeting, and she knew that it was her dad's birthday that day and we were going out for supper, so she didn't wanna ask me if she could go, but she felt like she was missing out.

Kate Nguy: And I was like, "Well, sweetheart, you just have to communicate that with me 'cause, yes, we can go and take you there right now. You can spend [00:37:00] only 20 minutes 'cause in 20 minutes I'll have to pick you up. It's gonna be short, but at least you'll get 20 minutes of being with them. But also know that the reason why you're feeling all these feelings is because you're on day 20," whatever it was, right?

Kate Nguy: Like, she was in her 20s at that point. And I was like, "This is what happens that second half of the cycle," right? We can feel big emotions. And so we had this whole conversation around normalizing it, rather than me being like, "You owe me an apology, and how dare you talk to me that way?" Mm-hmm. And like, there was none of that pushback.

Kate Nguy: Instead, there was language around, "This is a reaction hormonally. This was, you know, a lot of things that were happening underneath that you couldn't feel like you could vocalize to me of what you needed, but once you did, we found a solution," right? I can't always promise there's a solution, but we can look into it.

Sarah Tacy: Right. And so what I'm also hearing here, I f- believe, is the discernment piece. Yes. So that it's not just like, "Well, your hormones are big right now, and so this is all ridiculous and it doesn't matter," but instead- [00:38:00] you're really sensing that you wanna be with your friends. You're really clear on that, and your dad's birthday really matters, and the volume of it is bigger than normal, so it's hard to handle.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah. But I can help you figure out a way that we can have a win-win scenario. Yeah. And just being able to go, like, the volume's this big because of this, but also the discernment is that clear about how important it is for her to be with her friends.

Kate Nguy: Yeah.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah. And so I'm, I'm loving just the both/and that can happen here.

Kate Nguy: Yeah, and normalizing how these different shifts in emo- or in chemicals in our body really do impact our emotional capacity sometimes, and that all of it is okay. Yeah. Like, I remember being in the car with her driving to her friends and being like... 'cause she was saying sorry for being angry, and I was like, "No, no, no," like, "We don't apologize for our emotions.

Kate Nguy: Every emotion means that something is happening. We just have to figure out what the solution be- is behind that emotion, and r- yours was just that 20 minutes for your nervous system to have some friends and [00:39:00] some connection and feel part of something." Mm. I'm like, "I get that. That's no big deal. It's a five-minute drive for me but it's just short-lived for you," right?

Kate Nguy: And so, um, it, it just, it's really beautiful. And, and so, you know, like, with my girls, of them being able to understand that they are going to have big emotions, they're gonna feel a lot of different things, and understanding where it's coming from when they look at their chart and it's like, "Oh, I'm on this day.

Kate Nguy: This makes sense." And then seeing me role model how I change my behavior weekly, right? Like, how I do things or how I schedule differently, it gives them the capacity to do that. And then also, like we just witnessed, sometimes things are out of our capacity to change. We couldn't change your dad's competition, so how do we meet that expectation that we have to fulfill- Yes

Kate Nguy: without having to sacrifice our wellness at the same time? And I think that is such a huge thing for, for girls to learn. [00:40:00]

Sarah Tacy: I just have so many misperceptions because I grew up in, in such a way so that, uh, Therese Jordan Lynn, who will be on the podcast in a few weeks, has been doing, um, cyclical living since, like, the 1970s or maybe before, and I took her course called Women Awake.

Sarah Tacy: And I know if she were here she'd be like, "Sarah, you misunderstood," but there was a part of me that was like, "Oh, wait, I'm supposed to love my period?" Or I'm supposed to, like, love and see that this helps me with, like, birth and life and learning the cycles and that it's this powerful thing. And sometimes it feels like bypassing of just, like, how uncomfortable it is- Yeah

Sarah Tacy: for me. Um, and I think that the more l- the- The more scenarios I can see and hear helps me to integrate it in a new way. Mm. My, I- during that program, one of the parts is to, like, go back and write about your first period. I couldn't. I [00:41:00] have zero recollection- Me neither ... of when I first got my p- period. And so I called my mom, and I was like, "Can you tell me about that?"

Sarah Tacy: And she's like, "I have no recollection." And And I have a family history of endometriosis, which would mean, like, women were, like, hospitalized because of the amount of pain and the headaches and- Mm-hmm ... um, and I was ... I didn't end up having that, but I went on the pill at 19 in hopes that that would help me not get it.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah. And I also wonder if that numbed out my awareness of my cycle, because I remember in yoga when they're like, "If you're menstruating, don't go into a headstand," I'm like, "What are they ta- I can do... Anything I can do on any day, it does not matter the part in the cycle." Yeah. And I, you know, I played college lacrosse, and so k- y- all I knew was how to play f- through pain, how to...

Sarah Tacy: I, I had a lot of injuries, so playing through pain. And [00:42:00] I guess I just, like, always wanted to p- like, play like the boys, right? Like- Yeah ... whatever my brother did, I wanted to be able to do, and I never really felt like I could feel the differences. Now that I'm in perimenopause, I can really feel the differences.

Sarah Tacy: Luteal feels so much longer than all of the other phases, and my cycle's shorter. Yeah. So now I'm, like, really feeling it. Um, but to do things differently for my daughters, it's a learning curve for myself, because I have to do it differently for myself now.

Kate Nguy: Yeah. Well, you know, and when we were growing up, 'cause we're around the same age, is that there was no seen as...

Kate Nguy: Like, no beauty in the menstrual cycle. There was also no, no room for us to be different versions of ourselves. Like, it was like you were always supposed to be just one version, and when you went off-kilter of that, then you were critiqued or shamed or whatever. And so it goes to s- with saying that we just kind of pushed through or we wanted to numb [00:43:00] those aspects out or pretend like it didn't exist.

Kate Nguy: Like, I was somebody who, like, when I got my period, even as, like, an adult I did this, and I was like, "Why?" Like, this was so traumatic of the... I would, like, hide my pads in the very bottom of a garbage can. Like, I would dig through a garbage can to hide them because I didn't want anyone to know, because then they would see me then less than.

Kate Nguy: Which is like, it's just so bewildering now that I've been doing this work for so long of just being like, "Holy Hannah, you had a lot of shame." Yeah. That's so... And how that played into it, right? And I don't want my kids to ever see that. Instead, we celebrate every version, which kinda plays into, like, how you were talking about my son and how, uh, 'cause we never really discussed it, about the blue days.

Kate Nguy: Because my son now knows, like, what blue days mean for me, he... When, when his sister got her first period, he was like, "Oh, okay, I'm gonna give her lots of rest." Like, he didn't bug her at all. Middle child. Poor, poor middle child. She got a lot. It's like, "You entertain me now." So [00:44:00] you get to pick up the slack.

Kate Nguy: But with my son, one thing that he notices, and this is one thing I really love, like he just did it this morning with me too, is he asks for permission. He's like, "Is it a blue day? Can I cuddle you?" Like, he asks before he just bolts himself into me, um, because he knows that it's like, there's a boundary there that I've set for my blue days.

Kate Nguy: And when he asks, it's like, "Yes, you can have one, but it's gotta be short and quick," right? Like, we can't cuddle forever. Um, but the other thing that was really amazing with my son is like, so he looks on the calendar to see where I'm at for certain things. Like, he just knows. But he was like, one day, which I'm sharing with you, is he came down and he's like, "Mom, I think I'm in a blue day.

Kate Nguy: I feel really low." And it gave me the opportunity to be able to respond going, "That's great that you recognize that. What do you need from me?" And he's like, "I just think I need to go to my room and just play in my room by myself for a bit." And I was like, "Cool. When you need something from me, come let me know."

Kate Nguy: But it gave him language to see that he had different needs, and that he could also ask [00:45:00] the s- for the same boundaries that I ask for, which I thought was really cool. And then it was really interesting, it was actually just after you and I were together at that conference. It was about a month later. He came home from school and he was like, "Mom, do I have a cycle as well, and can I track it the way you do?"

Kate Nguy: And for anybody listening that knows the male hormonal system, testosterone runs on a 24-hour clock. It does not run on a monthly clock. And I didn't care. I was just like, "Yeah, you do have a cycle, and it's great that you wanna track it. You s- you can use my stickers, and you have a calendar in your room.

Kate Nguy: Just start putting a sticker on the days that you feel like really high energy or like..." And so we had this whole conversation, and I remember a girlfriend going, "But he doesn't have a monthly cycle." I'm like, "It doesn't matter. He's seven years old and he's listening to like, 'I feel different in my body and I wanna track that.'"

Kate Nguy: I was like, "I'm gonna encourage him to keep tapping into how he's feeling versus him worrying about if it's a 24-hour rhythm or a 28-day. We'll talk about that when he hits puberty." Yeah. Right now, he's just curious about, can I have [00:46:00] different states of emotion? Can I have different states or levels of energy?

Kate Nguy: And he wants to track it, so let's do it. Like, why not? It's giving him body literacy that we're not teaching kids, so. I think this is amazing,

Sarah Tacy: right? Mm-hmm. 'Cause before I was like, oh, this is so great how he might not take it personal and he'll know how to be supportive of you. But also again, listening to his own body and going, "Hmm, feels like a blue day.

Sarah Tacy: What do I need?" I sometimes with my kiddos, if I feel like they're either having a sugar crash or they haven't slept well enough and their emotions are really big, um- I feel like when the amygdala is hot, right? Like, when, when, when there's already looping happening or dysregulation happening, it can be hard to hear, like, "Oh, you must be tired.

Sarah Tacy: You must be hungry." And it's like, "Ah, no, I'm not. I'm angry 'cause of..." Um- And I imagine when he comes up and says it's a blue day, it's, like, before [00:47:00] large dysregulation. It's, like, before that, and noticing- Yeah ... like, the small hints, and being able to resource yourself before it goes into the looping and the bigger feelings.

Sarah Tacy: And watching you track, again, just taking out the shame of thinking I should be the same way all the time- Mm-hmm ... and here's how I can ask for support, and here are my boundaries. I'm just like, again, there's a part of me that doesn't believe I am, um, a person who can schedule that well. Mm-hmm. And I'm sure there are parts of this that I can take into my life, even if I just communicate better when I know that I'm in luteal phase.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah. What I do love is that my girls have seen me. I use a cup, and so they might walk into the bathroom and be like, "What's going on?" Mm-hmm. And so that I can explain to them about the monthly cycle and how, you know, how [00:48:00] everything's happening. And they're like, "Oh." And then they just get it, and they're... So I'm, I'm thinking about the layers that, um, can be added on and the ways that I can- support myself and that they can just learn by osmosis or learn by living- Yeah

Sarah Tacy: or

Kate Nguy: seeing it? Well, we create safety in the home by having these conversations, and we create safety in the home by role modeling, right? Even if it's just with them visibly seeing the cup, they're seeing that this is normal and that there's safety around asking questions around it. Which as a kid, I don't...

Kate Nguy: Not that, like, I grew up in an unsafe home, but there just was never, like, you just did not talk about that stuff. Like, my dad and my brother, if they ever knew I was on my period, oh my God, I would have, like, died, right? I'm sure they knew, but in my head it was like they don't know. So- I was watching

Sarah Tacy: Roseanne with my dad.

Sarah Tacy: Do you remember the show Roseanne? Yeah. And her daughter got her period on that show, and I remember saying like, "Dad, what's a period?" [00:49:00] And he was like, "Ask your mom when she gets home." And my brain just sees things in images, so then when my mom got home, I was like, "What's a dot?" And she's like, "What are you talking about?"

Sarah Tacy: And I explained, and I have no idea how she answered it, but all I know is that's how I found out, and I must have been close to, like, 11, 12. Mm-hmm. I must have been, like, old enough, but I had... Like, that's how well-hidden it was- Mm-hmm ... in my house, so that I found out by watching a sitcom. And it was like, "Oh, I can't talk about it, but maybe your mom will talk about it."

Sarah Tacy: Um, yeah, and then again, just, like, being an athlete and the pushing through, and so I do feel like I've come a l- long way. But when I was speaking to you in particular, I was like, wow, this is so beautifully integrated into your life. Mm-hmm. Can I ask you a few more questions? Totally. I think... Or how... I'm like, how are we on time here?

Sarah Tacy: Um, I have two, and I don't know if, you know, which one you wanna go [00:50:00] to first. In your bio, you talk about burnout. Was that burnout something that happened during COVID? Mm-hmm. Or was that something that hap- Okay, so the story that you told at the beginning, that was your burnout story. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And so from there, that's when you started studying the nervous system Mm.

Sarah Tacy: A different-

Kate Nguy: That was the, the, the start of the burnout, um, just as we were coming out of COVID. So that, uh, burnout started to accumulate definitely in that first year of COVID. And then at the end, it was very, at the very end of COVID, um, my dad passed away. Mm. And because my nervous system, I think, was already so frazzled and I was, I was walking the tightrope of like am I in burnout, am I not?

Kate Nguy: Am I just postpartum and, or is this perimenopause? Like, what is this exhaustion I'm feeling? But then my dad passed away very suddenly, um, from a heart attack. And he was only 60, so it was not like he [00:51:00] was out- Like it, it was really unexpected. And my, my dad was the person who took care of everything. Like, my mom never, she'd never been really in a bank besides when he told her he had to come in and sign something.

Kate Nguy: She never did any of that stuff. And so all of a sudden I had this woman who just didn't even know how to function in life, um, without him, and they had been together since they were 13 and 15. So, like, this is like a lifetime of my dad taking care of everything. And so I realized, I now know that I'm a very high-functioning codependent, and I was like, "I cannot let her feel suffering."

Kate Nguy: So I took on everything, and it was only a few days after my dad passed away that my mom had a massive fall and blew out her knee. And so she was in a wheelchair all of a sudden, at 57 years old. Like, this is not elderly injuries. No. It was just like chaos upon chaos. And so I found myself, because she wasn't functioning, [00:52:00] planning a funeral, planning their finances.

Kate Nguy: My dad had his own business, so I was trying to deal with his business. I put my business on hold. Like, there was just so much, and I had three kids. Like, it was just so much all at once, and it was two months... It was about two months after his death that I hit full-on burnout, where I was, like, not operational anymore.

Kate Nguy: And that's... I, I was doing work with Kate Northrup for about a year, a little bit more than a year at that point, in her Origin program, which is now closed, but she was introducing the relaxed money, and then there was this whole nervous system piece. And because I was also so much involved in my mom's finances at that point, I was like, "I need to figure this shit out because I need to figure out her finances."

Kate Nguy: And, like, I didn't even really know how much the nervous system was a part of it. And so I joined this course 'cause I was gonna, I was gonna fix all my mom's stuff. I was gonna fix the world. And it was all coming from a place of being very overloaded. And it [00:53:00] was in that course and doing the nervous system tools that I was like- Oh my God.

Kate Nguy: Like, this is what the nervous system is really about. This is what regulation is. This... I call it recalibration. Like, it was recalibrating my system. And the thing that I started to see very early on in that program, like I think I was only maybe a month or two in, that all of a sudden my hormonal stuff that I was facing was also shifting.

Kate Nguy: And I was like, "Wait a minute. There's a, there's a connection here of what's happening hormonally in my body and what's happening here." And then like I said, I was in that storm of early perimenopause that it's just, it's really over the past three years really bloomed into this thing of me seeing how much our nervous system and the loads we're carrying as women is playing into our perimenopause symptoms.

Kate Nguy: And for those of you that are like, "Well, am I in perimenopause, but I have extreme [00:54:00] PMS?" PMS and perimenopause are like sisters. They're allies, right? Our luteal phase is, uh, that, that one week that we call our PMS week, is a mirror of what the phase of life of perimenopause is when we look at the life cycle.

Kate Nguy: So they are mirror events happening in our life. So if you're somebody who's struggling with PMS, the same things are gonna be amplified in your perimenopausal years. And so when we start to look at what is that, that stress load that we're carrying, AKA the invisible mental load, just like a little hint here, and how that's then...

Kate Nguy: How, why is it getting so amplified in perimenopause? It's because of the decline of hormones. It's because of these big shifts that are happening that are impacting our brain and creating so much agitation, which is why we feel so dysregulated, and why so many women in their 40s feel like they're burnt out.

Kate Nguy: So yeah, that was my burnout story, is that it was the... [00:55:00] It started there, but then it like exploded like fireworks with my dad's death

Sarah Tacy: Um, can you say a little bit more of what burnout feels like? Mm-hmm.

Kate Nguy: Burnout to me felt like bone-deep exhaustion. And not just like, "Oh, I'm so tired." It was like, I literally cannot get off the couch.

Kate Nguy: Like, I remember one day it was m- my son's bedtime, and I crawled into his bed and I sent my husband a text going, "Can you please brush Gray's teeth?" And he came upstairs with a brush, and he sees me laying there, which is right across from the bathroom. He's like, "You called me upstairs to do this when you're laying right there."

Kate Nguy: And I'm like, "You don't understand. Like, I literally cannot move. Like, I really feel like I'm gonna puke, I'm so tired." Like, it was so bone-deep that, like, you can't even... I- it hurts to lift your leg, it felt like. So that was one symptom. The other was chron- was like, not chronic. I shouldn't say chronic, but it was an explosion of weight gain.

Kate Nguy: Um, it would seem [00:56:00] like overnight I gained 20 to 25 pounds. Mm. And then I remember being like, "What is going on?" And my eating didn't change. You know, my fitness levels, they had been wonky ever since I started having kids because I had to be on bed rest for all three of them. So there was definitely some muscle atrophy that was playing into that.

Kate Nguy: But then I remember being like, "Okay, I'm gonna go to the gym, and I'm gonna get a personal trainer, and I'm gonna fix this, right? Like, it's gotta be a fitness thing." And I gained another 10 pounds in a month of working with a personal trainer. And I re- remember going, "What is going on?" Like, how is this possible?

Kate Nguy: But it was possible because it was all driven by cortisol. Like, and working out, like, uh, to the extent I was trying to, was just adding to my stress load. And so, and it was not helping my exhaustion. Like, it was the exhaustion and the weight gain were the two things that were, like, so incredibly noticeable to me.

Kate Nguy: Now, if you ask my family, it was also my irritability. It was how, like, edgy I was every single day. It was no longer even a cyclical [00:57:00] pattern. It just felt like everything felt too much. Um, and It was hard for them to learn that, you know, that I, I needed breaks, that I, I needed less mental load. And that is still, uh, you know, I'm out of burnout now.

Kate Nguy: Um, but, you know, having those conversations still with my husband three, three years post about the invisible load, it's still a hard conversation for him to grasp. Like, he just doesn't get it sometimes about what I mean, and that's what creates the irritability for me now, because I have... Now I have so much awareness in my own body, not awareness through education, but awareness in my own body of what that felt like, that I refuse to go back there, that I sometimes can become a little too boundaried.

Kate Nguy: Um, but I s- I, I s- really say what I need, and it's really uncomfortable for our partners at times. Mm-hmm. Because they're like, "This was acceptable forever, so, like, why is it an issue now?" And, like, what I always tell my clients is [00:58:00] that when we're in our 20s and we have lots of DHEA, and we usually have a really good cocktail of all the hormones at their prime, is that we have these silent agreements that we-

Kate Nguy: we just fall into. It's like, "Oh, we're gonna have babies now. Yeah, it makes sense that you're gonna go to work. I'm on a mat leave. I'm just gonna do all these things." But then the mat leave ends, and then we're still doing all the things, and we're still kind of agreeing to it without even knowing that we're agreeing it.

Kate Nguy: That's why it's invisible, because it just became a pattern. And then all of a sudden we hit our 40s, and we're like, "Listen, dude. I have a career. We have kids, and I can't do this anymore," and we're flipping out over it. And it's because our hormones have crashed so much or have shifted so much that that stress resiliency we once had is no longer there as that buffer.

Kate Nguy: And so it gets really hard for them to understand that we have to renegotiate those agreements that were put into place, because they no longer, they no longer work for me.

Sarah Tacy: This is a perfect [00:59:00] segue into where I wanted to go with this, which is I myself am constantly in the curiosity of when or if I'll ever do HRT, so that's the hormone replacement therapy.

Sarah Tacy: And there are discussions on either side, and there are some thoughts of like, well, the beauty of having less estrogen, you could talk way more about the hormones than I could, is that you get real clear, like you said, the discernment on the b- like now you're just living in the blue. Sure. And you're like, "Here are my boundaries.

Sarah Tacy: Here are the things I'm a no for." And like, and you have to claim it. And the silent agreements that you spoke about are so big. I often talk about what it looks like at a cellular level when we make a pattern change, which is an entire shift of like what ligands and receptor sites are matching up. It can feel like abandonment at the cellular level.

Sarah Tacy: But then we're also often having to deal with [01:00:00] disappointment that someone else is feeling towards us. And so if before we felt safety by pleasing and appeasing, now we need even more resources to just be able to manage that people are disappointed in us because we are reconfiguring silent agreements- Mm

Sarah Tacy: that were never written out but have been acted out. And their biology is also dependent on us acting the same way we always have. Mm-hmm. And so when we start to change, it affects all of our relationships. So the question I'm getting to here, and, and one thing that I really love about your bio as I read through, I was like, "Oh, man, she's doing hormones, nervous system, and cyclical living.

Sarah Tacy: This is what all women need." I've been in private sessions with people where we're doing the nervous system work, and they have, you know, questions about being perimenopause. And I'm just like, "Oh, that'd be so great if they could get some hormonal support too, just someone to talk to," so I love that you do all three.[01:01:00]

Sarah Tacy: So my question is about the wisdom that we can gain if we were to go through this threshold as it naturally biologically happens, understanding that we do have more environmental stresses than we normally do, that we're living in modern day, that we're not in a village, and getting some layers of support- Mm-hmm

Sarah Tacy: that could come in a hormonal form so that the bigness doesn't feel so big that it feels a little bit more doable, and can we still refine our discernment Without having to, uh, shoulder it all without a little bit of help. Yeah. Yeah. Can you tell me your thoughts on this?

Kate Nguy: Yeah, I totally can, 'cause I'm 45, and in fact, it was the last two cycles that I've had my energy has crashed huge, my motivation.

Kate Nguy: And I was like, "Okay, this is definitely hormonal. What's going on?" And so I use a Mira device, which is a hormone, um, tester that you [01:02:00] can do at home. A homo- home hormone tester, there you go, um, that you do at home. So it's like a, a pregnancy te- it, it looks like a pregnancy test. It's not the same. It's different technology.

Kate Nguy: Um, but essentially you put a stick in your urine first thing in the morning, and then you put it in this little device, and it tells you your four key hormones, so your LH, your FSH, your estrogen, and your progesterone levels. And what I learned last month is my estrogen is so flat-lined, and I know that I'm still ovulating 'cause I'm still having a temperature shift And so I was like, "This is really interesting."

Kate Nguy: And it did show that there was progesterone in the second half of my cycle, but even my LH surge, it was, like, pretty much nonexistent. And I was like, "How did I even release an egg with this low of estrogen?" But it does explain why I'm feeling so incredibly crappy mood-wise in my body. And so my take on HRT, because it's not something that's really in the forefront of my mind, is that, you know, we live in a world, like you kinda said, where environmental factors, [01:03:00] our stress load is unlike anything that any woman before us has ever experienced of what we are carrying and what the expectations are, and we're doing it alone.

Kate Nguy: That loss of community has been really a huge impact on our nervous system. And if we look historically, like, I get our parents are living longer too, but realistically when we look at the menopause shift happening when it did, women didn't live, like, as long as that they're living now, right? So they didn't, they didn't have this next

Kate Nguy: Like, I always call it this is the midlife point, right? Literally the midlife point of you've now made it 45 years, and you could potentially make it another 45 years. And do I want to live another 45 years without any hormones? Um, and so I was having a conversation with, uh, a nurse practitioner who's a hormone specialist, and I love what she said 'cause it totally reframed my thinking around it and my ability to be like, "Yes, I'm getting on this," um, was...

Kate Nguy: 'Cause someone in this, in the group that, of us that were talking to her said, "But isn't this [01:04:00] going against, like, nature's plan, right?" And she goes, "So is a hip replacement. So is high blood pressure pills. So is heart, uh, surgery. So are all the medical inventions that exist today." So all of these are going against nature, and it's doing it so that we, we can have better longevity, so that we can live into our elderly years without suffering.

Kate Nguy: And it's so hard for women to wrap their head around of I could go on this thing that could make me feel so much better, because am I cheating the system or am I breaking nature? It's like this is a natural response. Yeah, it was a natural response, and then women lived 10 years later, and that's it. They didn't have to live 45 years with this, and they had a community so that their nervous system wasn't as impacted.

Kate Nguy: So I'm a huge fan of... I, I, well, like I said, it's not for everybody, and some people need it in more degrees than others. I truly believe, and this is not with any kind of set, scientific evidence-based research, [01:05:00] but I believe that the women that have been pushing through and ignoring their nervous system their whole entire life, who have potentially higher ACE scores as well- Yeah

Kate Nguy: are the ones that are suffering the most with perimenopause because they are carrying such a huge load in their nervous system. And so Could nervous system tools potentially create some of this ease and create some support in the body being able to adjust gradually to the decline of hormones? Most definitely.

Kate Nguy: You know, I do think that if we have better boundaries and if we're able to have partners and community that support those shifts, then yes, it ... We can make a huge ... We could, we could potentially go through this without having anything on there. But for most of us, that's not the case. And so do we need this?

Kate Nguy: I, I think that it could definitely help. And right now, like I don't know how many clients I get all the time that are in perimenopause, and they're [01:06:00] like, "I went to my doctor and they said, 'Take an antidepressant.'" Antidepressant is not fixing the hormonal

Kate Nguy: problem. Like it's just, it gets me so riled. Yeah. Um, and so like if you're feeling like you need to be on an antidepressant and you're in perimenopause, a better conversation might be is hormone replacement therapy, because then what we're doing is we're protecting your bone health, we're protecting your cardiovascular health, we're protecting your metabolism.

Kate Nguy: Like we're protecting so many things in the body that it, it's like an antidepressant's not gonna do that. And so my advice for anyone that's listening to this and thinking, "Well, maybe HRT's the thing," here's the problem, ladies, is that we do not have a lot of support with good doctors that are providing this information.

Kate Nguy: You really do have to shop around. You really do have to ask those questions, and you really do have to be comfortable of being like, "This is not the answer I was looking for. I'm going to find somebody else." And the reality is is just that, you know, HRT, menopause, perimenopause, all of these things are really [01:07:00] new conversations that are happening in the medical field, and so we just don't have a lot of people that are trained in it properly to be really supportive.

Kate Nguy: And I found this even with my... I'm in, I'm in Canada, and I found this even with my own family doctor. I was like, "I think I've outgrown you. I think I have to find someone new because you're not helping me." Like the last appointment I went in she was like, "You're overweight," and I was like, "Okay, thanks." And she was like, "You need to walk more," and I was like, "Walking more is not gonna solve this problem.

Kate Nguy: This is a cortisol load that I've been working with for a very long time now that I'm trying to get back on track, and I need to strength train." Let- let's have those conversations, right? But those weren't even in her foresight. It was like, "Weight gain, eat better, walk more." Those were the only things that she could provide me.

Kate Nguy: And then she wouldn't test my thyroid, and I was like, there's such a connection with our thyroid to our hormone health, especially in perimenopause. Ugh. So, you know, sometimes like this is just the reality, and it's not just the US, it's, it's Canada as well. Like we're really struggling with having the newer education coming in [01:08:00] to these facilities for doctors.

Kate Nguy: And, you know, in the doctors' defense, they were trained a certain way in school, and now we're asking them to do all this research in their own time when they're already at capacity with patient loads, right? Like we... As a... I don't wanna say as a society, but like as a society, we really haven't set up doctors to be able to support women either, because we're n- we're not changing how medicine is delivered, and until we change the medical field, in my mind, we're gonna keep running into this problem where people just don't have enough time in the day to be able to learn all this stuff that's new.

Sarah Tacy: Yeah. So what I hear you saying Is as we enter perimenopause, we can still be aware of our cycle, we can still track how we're feeling, that you have an at home test that you're doing, that nervous system tools really helped you when you were coming out of burnout- Mm-hmm ... as did learning how to ask for support, and notice how you feel at different times of the cycle, and [01:09:00] that HRT may be an additional step of support.

Sarah Tacy: But it's really looking at all three things- Yeah ... and using the discernment, but also the times where we're gonna communicate better. Uh, it just sounds like a very integrated approach. Yeah. Not just, if you're feeling shitty, take an antidepressant, or if you're feeling shitty, go onto HRT and it will start- um, it will solve everything I'm imagining when I have the either/or thinking, it's like go through it naturally.

Sarah Tacy: Get the lessons of this threshold. This is where the, you know, the juice is. Or you go on HRT and you don't have to deal with any of it, and you just go back to your please and appease ways. Yeah. The middle ground is that we can s- keep working our discernment, keep working our truth, and use nervous system tools and HRT to, possibly, if that's what someone chose- Mm-hmm

Sarah Tacy: uh, as layers of support so that we can [01:10:00] actually listen more deeply, stand up for our boundaries, say what's true. And I also heard you talking about listening with compassion, so I wanna put that right there with it as well, the ability to listen with compassion, which happens when our nervous system is more well-regulated.

Sarah Tacy: Mm-hmm. And I imagine with those layers of hormonal support as well.

Kate Nguy: Yeah, and it's hard to make any of those big decisions when we're not aware of what's happening in our bo- like, how we're feeling and what it is that we're desiring. The second half of life, you know, our first half of our hormonal journey, it was us saying yes to everything and doing things that we were told were the next steps, right?

Kate Nguy: Like, go to university, get married, have the kids. So we followed all the... We followed the rule book really, really well, and we did things as we were told we were supposed to, and we were the good girl. And then in the second half of the cycle, or second half of the, our life cycle is where we get to be like, "You know what?

Kate Nguy: I'm coming into this with new glasses of being able to say, [01:11:00] 'I've done this, and it did actually resonate with me. I don't like doing this.'" Like, I look back at the things I agreed to when we first had kids, and it felt good, but it doesn't feel good now. Yeah. And so I don't wanna take HRT and still do those things.

Kate Nguy: No, I wanna take HRT so I feel good in my body, and then also stand up for what I want this second half to look like. Mm. I get to rewrite the rule book now- Mm ... of who I'm showing up as, and that's where women get to be really empowered 'cause we've lived the first half. We know what we like, we know what we don't like, and now we get to come at it with our own ideas.

Sarah Tacy: Let's end on that. Yeah. I love that. Thank you so much. Thank you for your time today. Thank you for your clarity. For our listeners, I also just wanna say we are... This podcast is being recorded at a time that is aligned with Kate's cycle. Yeah. You might be hearing that I'm speaking less because I am at the end of my luteal phase, so I'm just over here trying my best to weave and listen deeply, [01:12:00] and I can hear your clarity and your, I wanna say excitement and passion, and I just think you're- Thank you, ovulation

Sarah Tacy: so important. Yeah. Thank you, ovulation. Woo! Uh, and, and highlighting that it's like ovulation- With a slightly different flavor, right? Mm-hmm. It's like audition, but you feel a little bit more tired, right? Yeah. So it's like every, yeah, just how the flavor keeps changing of even those, those four pieces.

Kate Nguy: Mm-hmm.

Sarah Tacy: Thank you so much for your brilliance. Thank you for your courage to, you know, lean into this. Oh my God, this was so great. And Ugh. Yeah, I'm sorry. This is my... Ludiel just went like, "And..." big pause. Mm-hmm. Uh, I'm, I'm thinking back to that moment of COVID, of just, like, laying out that big piece of paper and putting your calendar out and- Yep

Sarah Tacy: having your whole family live into it with you.

Kate Nguy: Mm-hmm. Thank you for sharing. Oh, well, thank you for having me. This has been really great. I love h- talking about this stuff, so.

Sarah Tacy: Thank you. All [01:13:00] right. Oh, actually, I'll edit this part too, but is there any... Yeah. I was just gonna end the recording, but is there anywhere that you'd love to, like, send people other than your website?

Sarah Tacy: Is there any program that you want them to know about? Anything like that before we

Kate Nguy: go. Yeah. You guys can definitely check me out on my website, which is she revival.com, and she has two Es in it 'cause it stands for Sacred Healing Through Embodiment and Empowerment. Mm-hmm. And then you can check me out on Instagram if you want, Hormones with Kate.

Kate Nguy: And then I have a podcast called What the Hormones! Where we dive into all the craziness that happens with hormones. Um, but yeah, you can check those out, and then all the programs that I offer are also on my website, so you can check them out there. Thank you, Kate.